A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Why does my girlfriend often resort to this type of behavior? She is an adult but I sometimes feel like she is stuck in the past.She'll try to lure me into making plans by giving me a yes or no option, but when the answer doesn't go along with her agenda she will shut me off and won't talk to me for days. I'm not talking about dinner plans or something simple like going away for the weekend. I just can't stand this no-contact strategy or this ill conceived "I give enough rope so you can hang yourself" mindset. I feel like everything is becoming a test to see if it meets her selfish agenda; she even admits that she is selfish. Whenever she calls or send a text I'm always courteous and will respond, but when I call her she won't pick up half the time, and when she does she sometimes is on edge and ready to start an argument. She resents something about me and I don't know what.We do have a strong attraction and chemistry for each other, but deploying hurtful avoidance tactics to get back at me is starting to affect the attraction. Any advice aside from moving on?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@female reader........It's not so much tantrums but rather this avoidance behavior that seems to be the recurring theme with her. She literally will not talk to me for about a week. She also has this habit of making plans with me, only to alter the plans and then say that she'll just see me later that evening. She knows that I'm looking forward to see her, so doing that obviously ruins my night. It's just disappointing that someone can behave this way towards someone they supposedly care about. She's not a good communicator when trying to resolve a conflict because she becomes defensive, raises her voice, and "don't want to talk about it anymore".
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2014): Selfish people SUCK. Cut her loose.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2014): I used to be somewhat like this (granted, I'm in my 20s) until I met a man who was man enough to fix me by not putting up with my crap. You're right, this kind of behavior is at heart a test to see how far she can push your limits, how hard you'll work to keep her, and how much of your attention she can get, because she is a very insecure woman. I'm sure she sets up all kinds of traps for you and encourages you to fail so that she can blow up and make you grovel. For example, she might make a tentative plan with you two Saturdays from now and then in the intervening days set things up (or encourage you) so that you make other plans, and then she HANGS you when you get back Saturday night for having the audacity to 'bail' on the original plan with her. "Because you don't care about me." I'm sure she accuses you of not caring enough all the time, and the sad thing is, for people like this, they really do believe that for something as simple as you falling asleep after work before calling her to say goodnight somehow means you don't love her. This behavior is the hallmark of an insecure and childish woman, and if she is lucky enough that you'd rather help her than walk, here's what I'd recommend you do: stop reacting to her tantrums. If she doesn't pick up the phone, fine. If she picks up and is ready to blow, coolly tell her to please call you back when she's in a better mood, as you have no room for negativity in your life. And then hang up, and that's it, go do other things and wait for her to see that it's better to suck it up and talk to you nicely than not get to talk to you at all. If she's blowing up at you in person, say the same thing and leave. Don't get upset (this gives her ammunition), just make it clear that you won't tolerate such behavior, and leave. Trust me your girlfriend waits for hours or days for the moment when she can explode at you for failing, it's a pattern now, and her reward is your guilt and attention on her, which soothes her insecurity. If you don't give her the satisfaction of the guilt and attention she's looking for, eventually she's going to learn to cut this behavior out. It doesn't work when you tantrum and no one is around to listen, right? She will figure it out.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (27 October 2014):
 It takes a very calm person do deal with passive aggressive behavior. She is this way because she is afraid of confrontation and feels she won't be heard. She is always preparing for a crisis and retreating from an imagined abandonment. She has her mind made up on what's good, what's bad in a boyfriend's behavior. She doesn't allow unpredictable, uncontrollable scenarios in other people. The negative side effects of passive aggressive behavior is that it gets you angry, and nothing gets solved. What she really wants is a devoted mate who treats her like a princess but doesn't know how to inspire this in you in a correct way. You can discourage this behavior by setting limits on how much no contact you could tolerate, and encourage healthy honest communication so hopefully she would learn that all her habits just created mental anguish and accomplished nothing. They are all a waste of time and energy. I myself would declare a person as a no show after 2 or 3 days of no contact and will assume it's a break up.
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