A
male
age
30-35,
*onfused333
writes:Me and my g/f have been on and off for about 4 years we cant seem to be apart. We had some really rough times when we weren't together. She had two relationships with two guys at her work. Then about three months ago i told her how i felt about her, and i really couldn't be without her. So we started talking and we started dating last month, and i treat her like a princess. I'd do anything to make sure she's happy, and she tells me how in love and how i'm the only guy for her.Well last night i found a diary she had been writing in at work and it talks about two guys...confusion 1 and 2, they were the same guys she had a realtionship with. When we first started dating we had some fights about her text or talking to them on the phone, she promised up and down she would stop 'cause they don't matter to her, and then i found this diary that was dated only eight days ago. So we've been dating, she says i'm all she wants and then she has this diary talking about how she is jealous, she can't be with them there, her eye candy and yada yada yada. I broke up with her after reading it, but i really love her with all my heart she is the girl i wanted to spend my life with, and she says she messed. She is sorry and wants to be with me cause i'm the guys she loves, she deleted there numbers and everything and says she doesn't care about them i'm everything to her, but i don't know if i trust her. I'm scared to let her back in my life, this hurt so bad it was like she was cheating on me the whole time. What should i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): I think you need to tell her straight. Tell her you love her but you don't trust her after this and ask her if she would consider getting some counselling for her messed up life and then take it slowly from there. I don't think the cheating is the issue, she sounds like she has low self esteem and maybe she is not very good at saying no to others in life, she needs to work on some self issues, to be trustworthy we have to become trustworthy and people make mistakes confidence and standing up to others however takes bravery,she sounds very weak to me. However I see in your post you actually do have some sense of responsibility and you do actually care, but that is not an excuse for her to behave the way she has. She needs to be given an ultimatum change or you leave and suggest she gets some counselling and starts to get some maturity. Someone loving you in life is a precious and rare thing, if she can't respect that then you should leave and find someone who will. leave the ball in her court and trust her again only when you feel she has shown she is prepared to work to save your relationship.
A
female
reader, ilovemybaby +, writes (8 April 2008):
 OMG THATS HORRIBLE I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE GOING TROUGH. but let me tell you i went through that a year ago. i swore he was the one for me, the only man i would ever love, the only man that would own my heart for the rest of my life and he would say the same about me but lies began to come in just like what you are going through and he would do lie about girls, it hurt extreamly bad because i thought i would not find onother man like him, but i maid the decision of braking up with him because i knew that people like that DONT CHANGE! they just keep hurting you and braking you. and even if they promise and say they are, they don't. i even went back with him after braking up once and he did it again. you might say she is difrent and she cares but not to be rude, but it sounds like she does not care for you or love you. a person who will love you will respect you no matter what. you are young and have a lot infront of you discover more than you think. i did and i found some one so much better that i know that if i would have staid with my ex i would have never found the man i'm with right now. He loves me and most important respects me. so give her up you will get over her eventually, it will be hard but it will be even harder to find out that she keeps hurting you like that. there are more great people out there but for now get over her let her go she is def not worth it acording to what i heard about her
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (8 April 2008):
 Sorry to say it, but I think you need to walk away, yes cheaters can reform themselves, but usually not with the person they cheated on.
The temptation will still be there, temptation they were unable to resist before and if you forgive them all they know is that they can get away with it. Maybe she will be true to another guy after she loses you, but not with you.
She deleted their numbers? Oh yeah, that is meaningful, SHE WORKS WITH THEM! She can get their numbers any time via work. All she has to do is call the office and ask for them!
Of course she is sorry and she will be sorry right up to the point when she gets needs to feel special again and then when you find out she will be sorry again. Sorry for the STD she gave you. Sorry for getting pregnant with another man.
By all means stay with her if you love her so much but get ready to be hurt over and over again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008): Your gf is right. She's not in the right mindset to be long term and committed. Trust is paramount in a healthy relationship. Look it.. Cheating is a conscious, delibrate choice and when anyone cheats, there simply has to be a big empty 'disconnect' in their love, emotions and committment. How does a person have a sexual liaison with some other person and then just lie about it. All this dysfunction is eroding your spirit and you self-worth. No one should ever be allowed to do this to another. Honoring commitment to a loved one, in the first place, and never allowing infidelity to occur, is a test of one loyalty and devotion. You gf failed this test...badly. What she's forgetting most, is you, the betrayed partner has now seen a portion of the her character that is truly questionable. To continue loving someone who cheated, would cause me to despise myself for tolerating such a thing and quite honestly, that's too big of a price to pay, to someone who thought absolutely 'nothing' of me, to do this in the first place. So...you need to know need to know, you not only deserved to be honored and treated much, much better-you need to know that you can do better. My suggestion: Cut her loose and do some work on healing yourself. You need to get your self-worth back. The only way is to do this is not to date her anymore. Good luck and Take of yourself.
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A
female
reader, cuteblonde124 +, writes (8 April 2008):
 whoa any girl like that, no matter how many time she says she will, wont stop cheating on youl., i say leave her asap and get someone you deserve
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