A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My fiance and i are planning on have a kid soon but im kinda worried, because she seems to think that she gets to decide on what their names are because she is carrying them and is going to push them out not me.I understand what she is going to go through but at the same time, its OUR child, if it werent for me we wouldnt be having a kid so i belive that we should both sit down and decided on what we BOTH like their names to be, She already picked two out before we even met and told me that if i didnt like them that she wouldnt date me, but to be honest i dont like one of the names she picked out, what do i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2009): I agree with the last two posters. If she's so shallow and disrespectful on an issue like this, you don't wanna marry her or have a child with her!
I suggest you leave it in her book. Tell her that you've decided that you don't like the two names she has picked and well; if she leaves- you have your answer! No one should have to share their life with a partner that values a name choice over their relationship! -or indeed someone who is so uncompromising, and who values your opinion so little.
Take care of yourself.
A
female
reader, aunty_rach  +, writes (1 March 2009):
is she even pregnant yet? if not i wouldn't bother sticking with her. sounds like she is very selfish and will probably be selfish about most things.
naming a child is a joint event, unless the father buggered off before it was born of course. but if you were to have a child with her, you need to have a say in it's name, education and upbringing as much as she does. your not a sperm bank, your her partner!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2009): Is she pregnant yet? If not, I would seriously reconsider marrying her, or at least put off the wedding. You are two young to get married, and two young to have kids. 80% of couples who marry before they turn 22 end up divorced. It should be a mutual decision. If the names mean more to her than a healthy relationship with her man, what else will she put before you?
Here's another way of looking at the name issue: I used to feel that the child should have the mother's last name since she is the one who carries it, but now I feel the opposite. I feel like mothers already have a strong connection with their children, so having the father's last name makes the connection stronger with the dad.
I don't feel that either parent should have 100% say in what the name is. Both should agree.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2009): If she's shallow enough to say she wouldn't date you if you didn't like the names, is that the kind of person you want to be with?
But yeah it is a mutual decision as the kid is both yours and hers. Ask her for the her reasoning for you not getting to decide on a name with her. If the worst comes to the worst she should at least let you choose the middle name(s).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2009): To be fair, you already knew she wanted those names and even said, she wouldn't date you if you didn't agree to them! so yes you got no right really.
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (1 March 2009):
 She needs to respect that you are also the parent of that baby, and you get an equal say. I understand that sometimes one parent might be more excited for a name than the other, but there is no reason you should name a child something you don't like.
Just talk with her. Tell her it would mean a lot more to you if you both could pick out a name together. It is a bonding experience that both parents should go through.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (1 March 2009):
 She did tell you early on that she had chosen the names and if you didn't like it, she'd leave you. So it's not like she has sprung this on you, you agreed to the names she wanted, by not saying you didn't like them back then.
I agree it's a little harsh of her, but she made it clear, you should have put your point across, before getting her pregnant.
So in summary you should put up with it.
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