A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a complicated relationship that seems to be jeopardising my relationship with my best friend. I’m 34 and in a relationship with a man 10 years younger than me. However, he is the best friend of the son of my friend. My friend encouraged us to get together when she realised the feeling between me and my now boyfriend was mutual.Now we’re together, she hardly speaks to me. We used to talk everyday for 10 years and now she never returns my calls; I found out she was in hospital via a third party; and when I asked her what the problem was she was quite aggressive and rude in denying that there was an issue between us.The turning point in her behaviour is how she reacted when she realised that we had slept together when she saw me taking the pill. My boyfriend calls her Aunt (she’s 48) and she calls me her sister. She burst out that I should not have slept with him. I said it was my decision and that if it could be kept private now she’s found out. She replied that he would probably tell her anyway and said that what I didn’t realise was that he’d been at her house all day with her son! This latter point was a blatant lie.I said to my boyfriend that, although I didn’t mind him talking about us, we should keep certain aspects of our relationship private as I did not want to put her in a position where she felt like she was put in anuncomfortable position if it didn’t work out between us. Part of me suspects he has gone back and said this to her and that is why she is acting so strange. I don’t know what to think but I feel like there arethree people in this relationship.I don’t know if he’s telling the truth when he says he doesn’t tell her everything. I don’t know if she’s stirring. Two mutual friends told me that she has been talking to him and has a way of getting information out of people and she’s been gossiping everything back to them.The strange thing about this is that not only did she got us together but also in a previous relationship, she took an instant disliking to my then boyfriend. He always said that she fancied him and was jealous of me but I always defended her. That situation really stressed me out as I thought my ex was being malicious but now this. What is her problem?The only thing I can think of is that her relationships never work out and now most of her friends have hooked up, she’s feeling left out. But this cannot be the whole story.
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best friend, jealous, my ex, the pill Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): She probably fancies him herself Xxxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): Just to clarify. I didn't confront her in hospital. I just meant that considering she is supposed to be one of my closest friends, I found it odd that she didn't let me know she was in there albeit for a routine operation.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (9 November 2010):
 I don't understand how she encourages you then discourages you. Also, I agree she doesn't need to be involved in your business. However, you confronting her while she was in the hospital probably wasn't good timing. It's possible she does have a thing for her boyfriend's son seeing as she took a liking to your previous boyfriend, or that she know doesn't approve of your relationship with him seeing as your quite a bit older. I also agree it may be because she's lonely and wants someone else to suffer with her.
Give her one more talking to, nicely ask what is going on with her because you don't understand why she's trying to interfere with your relationship when she's the one who played Cupid..Ask her kindly to mind her own business seeing as you don't want to burn bridges in this friendship. If she doesn't stop, then it's not like you can't tell your boyfriend to stop going over to his friend's house. Looks like you may have to deal with this drama. Hopefully she'll grow up.
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