A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So, like every other guy on here... theres this girl, we've known each other for almost 7 months and have come to be very very good friends, to the point where we consider each other as best friends and see each other every day.Over those 7 months I've helped her find closure with one of her ex boy friends and watched her get used by another.One day about 2 months ago I noticed she was starting to get really close to me, holding hands etc, then about a week later she told me she liked me more than a friend, and I was the type of guy she had always imagined being with. I told her I was also interested in being more than friends and we hooked up for the first time, we spent the next 2 days enjoying each others company like we never had before. Then all of a sudden she went cold and really pulled back, started making arguments out of absolutely nothing and inventing reasons why I "wouldn't want to see her". When I asked for a reason behind the behavior, she said nothing, so I asked her if she didn't like me more than a friend any more and she just cried.Anyway, I could see that whatever was on her mind was slowly tearing us apart, so I told her I had no feelings for her anymore. I worked hard and patched everything up back to us being very close friends, but I never got an answer to my question.Then she started getting interested again, making up excuses to come and see me, like borrowing a screwdriver or getting some batteries instead of going to the shops right around the corner from her house. She gets VERY jealous and upset if I even look at another girl. We went to a club the other night and started drinking, she spent the whole night following me around and dancing with me (this isn't something we did back when we were really just friends) and eventually hooked up with me (she initiated it).Recently I was invited to a family dinner (you don't invite friends to family events right?) where even her grandma told her she has the hots for me.So basically I'm 90% sure this girl is still very much in to me, but spends so much effort in trying to convince herself that she's not, why? Even on a good day this girl isn't really what you'd call in-touch with her inner voice or emotions, so I'm not sure she's ever going to decide what she wants? Recently she's been talking about a couple of other guys and I believe she's starting to mistake these feelings for me as feelings for them as she can't decide what to do with them anymore.She seems much more able to talk after a bit of alcohol, so next time we're out I'm thinking of dropping something like "are you waiting for me to work out that you still like me? cause I did that a couple of weeks a go" and seeing where it leads, but shes just as likely to run off and leave in the middle of it all too.Any advice cupids or the world? Am I right in thinking she's in denial? How can I help her realise? I don't want to tell her I'm still interested as I'm fairly certain it will re-trigger whatever caused her conflict previously so I'm slowly building up hinting here and there. Maybe I need to find an excuse to spend a few days away from her so she has time to miss me?I think as long as we are spending time together every day she won't come to terms with what she's really feeling, but then I worry if I spend time away she'll associate those feelings with whomever she is with at the time and not me.Either way I guess I'll still have one of my best friends to date, but if there is a chance of more I certainly want to chase it till there is no more.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (7 July 2010):
 I think you should be honest with her but not too direct. Just say something like, "What do you think about me?"
It's a good question to start a conversation about how you feel...Or how she feels.
Has she ever told you that she loves you? If not, this is not a good sign for you. But I have Asperger's Syndrome, so maybe I'm talking nonsense. I don't know.
Enjoy the day.
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