A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this woman for several years now, and I wonder if anyone can shed some light on this matter. What would make a woman hint at making plans with you on a Friday night only to tell you that day that she's going to hang out with her girlfriend and "you can just come over afterwards".We're not talking about an immature twenty five year old but rather a mature women in her forties who definitely has her act together. She will invite me to something, than back paddle later in the day by saying that the group of women that are showing up are kind of annoying, but "you can still come over if you want". I never show up, but I do get a call later on to come over to her place for sex. When she is out and about with her friends having a good time I occasionally get a "this place is fun...you should come over" as opposed to a " I really want to see you" text message. She's always hanging out with this same girlfriend--who I met on several occasions--who seems to have dominion over her somehow. And what's funny is that my girlfriend is vey critical of her, in addition to some other acquaintances, but she continues to hang out with her. This situation is becoming annoying and I feel that it has to do with her selfish ways regarding who she wants in her life, when, where, and at what time. It's all about her. I feel like a human sex toy sometimes but nothing more.I have confronted her about why she mentioned something the day before about wanting to see and then subsequently changing things. Her answer always reverts back to wanting to just relax and unwind. This is fine, but don't hint at making plans with me.Any thoughts? Thanks!
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female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (19 October 2014):
Maybe she doesn't realize how you are feeling. Tell her. Maybe she isn't as completed to this relationship as you are. What you are saying her about her actions are disrespectable. She should be told that.
I also wouldn't make myself so available to her and her needs.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs far as deploying the strategy of not always being at her beck and call, make no mistake about it because I use it a lot. I don't call her often, clamoring for her attention, wait by my phone, or demand that we spend time together. I have given into her sexual overtures, but that is a part of our relationship where we do get along well.
I asked her flat out the other day is she's playing with a full deck of cards because often contradicts herself. I'm talking about being all affectionate and sweet and saying that she wants to see me the next day, only to back out when push comes to shove. I have no problem if she wants to do something else but don't engage me in planning activities and then change your mind. Pisses me off.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2014): Forgive me if I sound too blunt; however, she views you as a sex buddy. Even then, she could be respectful.
Let her know by your actions her behavior will not be tolerated. When she said, "you can just come over afterwards," hopefully you didn't go afterwards. Best advice I can give is to decline her invites, and if she wants a relationship with you, she will change her behavior.
Please go out in the world and meet more women. There's someone out there you can go do fun things with and enjoy your company!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2014): Simple. Make yourself unavailable. Don't be at her beck and call. That makes women feel empowered like they can trample all over you. I'm NOT saying to be rude. Be your usual nice, awesome self. But if she backs out of plans; do something else. If she invites you over that same night, tell her your busy having a great time with friends somewhere else. That she's welcome to join you if she chooses too. See how that flips the tables? And you're not being rude.
But don't sit there and whine about her bad habits and then induldge them when she calls u over. Again, don't be rude; but make yourself unavailable. Your time is valuable as well and she needs to come to that realization on her own. You bitching about it isn't going to change her mind.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (18 October 2014):
 Perhaps her depth of relationships with people go only as far as meeting somewhere, to chit chat and fill the time. She continues to hang out with someone she doesn't like because it's routine and comfortable. At least they are able to make conversations. Her circle of friends give her the status, a role to play in society. With a man she doesn't know what to do but have sex. The need for intimacy, or things leading to intimacy are missing. Are you tolerating this for several years just because there is guaranteed sex? Don't you have faith that there are women who want you all by herself without making you feel you are just an accessory?
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