A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my by of three years is confusin the hell outta me. He proposed when we'd been together two months. I moved into his place let mine out. Then he changed. . Rumours of him cheating, calls on his phone, whispering comin from downstairs. Whenever i questioned i was called a freak and needed help. . My daughter accidentaly recorded him havin phone sex while i was in next room and when i asked him he threw me out. . He still refere's to it as what i put him thru. I chose to put it behind me coz i love him and really wanted it to work. . Eventually i left couldn take any more. He followed and stupidly i let him move in. He then became distant again blamed me and left. Returnin again wanting to marry declarin undyin love etc. Once in my house he became cold started rows . I couldn say a word yet he claimed to walkim on egg shells with me. He constantly let me down jumpin to have his child when ex asked even when we had plans . But if i did that it would be war. . He then claimed he was down . Wasnt me then next day it was and he left. . I was fine untill he contacted me again wanted to start new. . Now unable to leave he will ignore for about a week after a row. He doesn tell me he loves me any more claims he never was able to show much affection. Rubbish. . He hardly ever ring's but come's to sty on set days. . If i ask him bout future he goes mad. He masterbate's next to me wake's me up then denies it sayin i.m psycho. . He again not talkin. What the hell is wrong with him. It is apparent life will never be normal with him. Why did he ask me to marry him? He persude me for ages. Is this goin no where? I know you will say yes ha
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): thank you all, I know if he does contact me again he wont listen to reason or think anything was his fault as it never is. . Because i.ve always been blamed i tried to show myself by writin things down like good and bad. . It really made me angry with myself and i felt pathetic. I.ve never taken this before . I left my husband because he cheated and i couldn get over it so why do i let this go on? . . He would jump if his ex shouted re their son and let me down without hesitation but i dont get why. It hurts because i.ve never tried so hard at a relationship in my life. . I really thought we were gettin some where but i've realised onlx time he mentions marriage is when he comes back. . I dont want much just him to show me a little affection and maybe occasionally tell me he loves me. He used to altho he says not. . how do i be strong and say no if he turns up?
A
female
reader, Angel Wisper  +, writes (10 August 2010):
I agree with Universe man. He won't change and you're relationship will not get any better. You will end up doing harm to yourself and people will just end up believing that you're the one with the problem. He's slowly and very surely manipulating you into believing that you're the insane one who gives him a hard time and blames you for pushing him into such unacceptable behaviour. He's very abusive and I’m very very worried for your sanity and mental wellbeing. I can see that you're trying to find loop holes that may convince you that things aren't as bad as they seem but from what you've written, you should never ever let yourself be treated like this. He doesn't love you, he doesn't respect you, he is using you and you need to get out NOW. If/when he comes back, you make sure you put your foot down and say NO!! I'm very sorry this seems harsh to you but I was in something similar and heard it from others. No doubt, when you're gone he will have no remorse and get someone else in a flash, just to start bullying all over again. Stay strong and you will meet someone better. x
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 August 2010):
 A man who quickly jumps into love, grand style, is often not quite right in his head. I am sorry. That he proposed after only two months is the greatest sign that he is not emotionally balanced. You should not have been flattered, but warned, by such an act. He rushed into things, and locked you down basically. Then he showed his true side, who he really is. And whenever you leave, he comes crawling, begging, and kisses you up you back. It is the same thing he did in the beginning of your relationship. And then the same old same old.
Why does he do this to you? Because he is not emotionally stable. He is an unstable man whom you should get away from. He has hurt you enough, and you know well that it is not a problem with you, but a problem he has. You are not to blame for his actions, he alone is responsible for those. Even if it suits him to blame things on you.. that is called manipulation. Him proposing to you after only 2 months was his way of manipulation as well.
This will not work out. I am sorry, but after 3 years you KNOW that this is who he is. And it will not change. If he wanted to change he would have, long time ago. He will continue to treat you like this. And the best you can do is get away from him.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (10 August 2010):
What the hell is wrong w/ you? don't you get it! hes an abuser, sounds like you got my EX- they love toying w/ you putting you down like you are a piece of garbage, and make you feel like you are crazy that it's you not him oh no what does he ever do wrong? oh please and you are 36? you better wake up it gets worse iam telling you for your own good get the hell out! and you want your daughter around this you got to be kidding. he will start on her next! and you need to please believe me. they twist your head around they make it hurt they twist your words around make you feel guilty for something you did not do! i don't care if he gets help but i do hope you get help and leave before its to late! i wouldn't want a man around my daughter who is like that. is that all you think you are worth to have a god knows what he is? who you think he loves you that isn't love! sometimes we just deal w/ it because we don't think wer'e any better then them/ no thats the way they make you feel they mold and shape you into nothing your self'esteem is gone your values and you have lost whats most important and that is you! take that scumbag and toss him out. i have no sympathy for anyone anymore who just beats a woman, mother down to nothing. pick yourself up while you are still young and not just young but because you deserve better! and mostly your daughter does not need to be in a enviroment like that. good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): thanx for replying. I.m still there i think because i really wanted it to work havin been divorced. And initially he did convince me the problems where all mine. He is a gambler and prev cheater. Drained all my confidence. I.m slowly gettin it back. Thing is self full fillin phropecy thing i do wonder sometimes if is me. . Thing is now the affection side has gone and i.ve got to have some self respect but it really even now is hard because pathetically i love the strange git . . I dont like conflict and used to accept blame for a quiet life . The worm hopefullx will turn .
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A
male
reader, Universe Man +, writes (10 August 2010):
Why are you still with him? Are you trying to fix him? He can't be fixed, he's crazy. People on this website have been told to "run for the hills" when they have boyfriends HALF as crazy as this guy. On the other hand, you must be more than a little crazy to have stayed with him for three years. I don't know what to tell you, because I can't figure out what you're doing with him in the first place.
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