A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm much older than my little brother but we're very close and he tells me everything. Recently he came out to me as gay. The thing is I don't believe him. I'm in full support of the gay community, I have lots of gay friends, go to gay rallies and would be absolutely proud of him for coming out....if I actually thought he was gay. i feel like something is up or he's hiding something. I don't believe he's telling the truth. why would my brother say he's gay if he's not? am i in the wrong for not believing him?I don't touch his romance life often but he says he has never had a boyfriend or girlfriend before. why i ask why he just shrugs it off. you should see the way girls and guys check him out when we go out but he shrugs them both off. he's kind of a loner but very caring to others. he pushes people away a lot. I know he's had it hard growing up and im worried it may have taken a toll on him. I feel like he's hurting somehow and making up a story to avoid questions. In movies you always see gay guys pretending to be straight and you get why they do it but why would a straight guy pretend to be gay?Help me out I don't want to offend him and make it feel like i'm disrespecting him but I know my brother and i have a gut feel he isn't gay. How can i help him? He use to be so bubbly now he's just sad all the time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2018): Sorry went before I finished. I concur what is this to do with anything if you accept him .. maybe he's finding his feet after saying. Or waiting on Mr right coming along .. be patient and be yourself witj him .. let the guy come around . If he's upset ask him what wrong or if you can help any . Probably has nothing to do with his sexuality.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2018): My brother in law come out to me when he was 26 .. as he knew because I been in his life since he was 10yrs old that I loved him like a brother. It didn't matter to me one jot. He could fancy grapefruit if that was his preference. But my hubby took some time .kept saying no no he's not and I went he is and now let's have tea .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2018): Anything short of having sex with a man in-front of you may not convince you.
There is stereotypical-behavior that people think identifies or makes us stand-out from "straight-people."
Well having girlfriends, or being bi-sexual doesn't make you straight.
You'll do everything and whatever necessary to hide or mask your true-self when you're still in the closet. Once you accept yourself and come out, the hard part for some of us is getting people you love to realize you're still you. While they're not trying to visualize what you do behind closed-doors with someone of the same-sex.
If he doesn't fit the "stereotype;" it only means he's masculine, and doesn't exhibit effeminate or flamboyant behavior people can easily associate with "being gay."
If he says he's gay. Believe it! If you don't, be kind and keep it to yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2018): By what evidence can you conclude that he's not gay; and why is it your concern one way or the other?
I'm a gay man, and I've heard it said that "it's okay with me as long as it's not my son, brother, cousin, etc." At least they were honest with themselves. You still find something wrong with it, and you'd prefer it not be true; or you wouldn't have gone as far as writing a post. The disclaimer that you have gay-friends and hang with gays doesn't really mean anything. Now it's hitting close to home!
If he says he is, believe it until he proves otherwise. Put your heart behind your words. Acceptance is only true when there is no line drawn when it hits close to home.
Straight-guys do not go around telling people they're gay when they're not. It makes no sense. He may be sad is he senses his sister doesn't accept him; or has encountered some homophobia in people he truly cares about.
It's not a phase!!! It's not a social-trend or a fad!
Being gay doesn't make people sad. It's how the world around them treats them/us that makes us sad. He may have had a heart-break, or he's wrestling with some personal-issues he hasn't shared with you, unrelated to his sexual-orientation.
He's an adult and doesn't have to share intimate details of of his personal-life with you.
That shouldn't lead you to presume he is unhappy about who he is, or how he identifies himself sexually. If you've gone as far as to tell him you don't believe him, could that really mean you don't really accept it as you claim? You don't have to say it in so many words, but he's not stupid! He can read between the lines. You may not be hiding your true-feelings as well as you think!
I'm gay and bi-racial. Nothing is more insulting than being told "some of my friends are (???)...therefore I'm not prejudiced. He would probably ask you for help, if he thought he needed it.
Your "gut-feeling" may be your own difficulty coming to terms with the fact you have a gay brother. It might help him more if you weren't in-denial.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (30 January 2018):
 There's nothing in your post to suggest he isn't gay. What you believe is irrelevant. Having gay friends doesn't make you a good LGBT+ ally, just like having friends of colour doesn't mean you're not racist.
Support him as he is and keep your disbelief to yourself. His identity is his business and he just needs you to be there for him, regardless of labels.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 January 2018):
 Maybe HE is still trying to figure out WHAT and WHO he is. And maybe he is "trying on" gay at the moment.
I think, however, it's REALLY rare that a guy (or girl) comes out as gay if they aren't gay. So maybe he has been VERY good at hiding it from you in the past?Maybe he kind of knew he was gay but didn't want to accept it thus didn't date?
This isn't about YOUR gut, this is about him. I would just support him the best you can. Regardless of what label he wants to put on himself and what label YOU think he should wear. If that makes sense?
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