A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband has admitted that he likes to undress my female friend whom we have met on two occasions, mentally in his mind. However, he claimed that he doesn't find her attractive and is not fantasizing about having sex with her but merely her figure especially her boobs. He has other female friends who wear more provocatively whom he claimed that he never fantasized about them. Whenever he sees women dressed revealingly on the streets, he claimed that he merely looks at them and is not mentally undressing them in his mind.How is it possible for a man to mentally undress a woman when he finds her unattractive?
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (25 March 2012):
 You didn't ask any questions, your husband ogles other women and then comes and tells you about how their breasts look good in clothes.... your husband is ill manned, he's a letch and he is rude. A guy like that likes to undermine your confidence and keep you insecure. As I said, a discrete look is normal, we is all human, but a mind wank that you tell your wife about is just down right hurtful.
I have no idea what you do next. My friend had a boyfriend like that, he used to stare at us and make us uncomfortable. We couldn't tell her, and she couldn't see what he was doing was wrong. I was so happy when they finally broke up. I wouldn't trust that guy within a hundred miles of any woman able to have sex. It's got nothing to do with your friend, your husband is just rude.
There is a slim possibility that maybe you diet too much and he's trying to tell you to put on more weight... but comparisons to other people hurt and he should find another way.
The balls in your court, you picked this guy, you married him and now you sit there and watch and listen to his nonsense. Tell him to shut his ugly mouth and stop putting you down. A man shouldn't think he has the right to talk to women/about women this way.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2012): OP here.
I never have an issue with him seeing porn or looking at women. But I feel that it's rude to ogle at women when you're with your partner especially. I mean, how would he feel if I were to do that when we're around?
I don't even care if he mentally undress women in his mind whoever he sees on the street. That is his problem. It's just that out of respect for your partner, if she is around especially at her girlfriend's gathering, he should not be ogling at my girlfriend and mentally undress her. I mean how would he feel if every single guy friend of his I meet, I were to mentally indress them when I'm with him? Honestly, all that mind work is it possible in the first place to stop there without interfering the individual's marriage, sex life and thought life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2012): OP here.
We were talking about a friend's gathering when he was there also and he talked about how my girlfriend's blouse seems to intrigue him into mentally undressing her. Then he goes on to say that he was actually her ideal type of woman in terms of figure and age as I recalled he made one comment that day when he saw my girlfriend that she has put on a bit of weight. He agreed saying that her weight is still within the desirable range.
Yes from masturbation DIY.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2012): You are 5 mnths pregnant
U are unable to have sex bec of complications
Your hb 'casually' mentions that your friend is ideal for him?
He mentally undresses her every time
He fantasieses about her??
Yet claims that he doesn't want to have sex with her?
SO WHERE is he currently getting sex from if not from you? Masturbation? Only?
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (24 March 2012):
I really don't understand how you and him started having such a conversation. It's one thing for a man or woman to discretely look and find another person sexy, it's another thing to have a discussion that makes you feel inadequate.
I don't think it's sensible for adults to discuss such things. What's in his mind is his business, what's in your mind is yours. The issue only comes up if he's flirting or looking so intensely that is noticeable and embarrassing for you or the lady involved.
If you try to pry out all the secret thoughts we have in our minds, don't be surprised when you don't like them, or they leave you feeling upset, insecure or annoyed. There should be a limit to honesty and openness in any relationship.
Unlike your husband, I refuse to answer your question, because it will only hurt and upset you more.
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (24 March 2012):
 men don't care about an ugly face when they're checking out the goodies. but then checking out the goodies tends to be rather academic and no erection is involved. I don't know why women get so worked up about it all as i know they do the same with men even if the goodies are different things.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2012): OP here.
Peanut butter, when you mean he is close to it if you ask me, do you mean that he could be just looking at her but it's a matter of time he would like her?
Also, what do you mean by "Perhaps he is looking for some validation that he isn't doing something wrong and I don't think he's going to get that!"
Yes, he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong. He claimed that he merely mentally undress her but he doesn't fantasize in bed with her.
It so happened that she happened to be the type of age group he fancies, his ideal so as to speak and she has the type of figure - a bit meaty, his ideal figure.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2012): OP here.
Nope, I never force him to admit. Currently I'm 5 months pregnant and he was telling me how much he needs sex. I didn't have sex with him because of some complication so as to safeguard my baby.
We were talking about what kinda gals he feels attracted to. It so happened that he admitted matter-of-factly that although he swear he never fantasize about having sex with him, he was drawn to her because she happened to be the ideal type of woman he had in mind, I mean her figure, her boobs etc. He doesn't like women who wear too scantily and revealing too much. It so happened that on that day my girlfriend was wearing something a little bit revealing but not too much so that kinda trigger his imagination.
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (24 March 2012):
 He clearly is having an attack of conscience over this whether he is attracted to her or not or else he would never have mentioned it to you! Perhaps he is looking for some validation that he isn't doing something wrong and I don't think he's going to get that! I think he needs to keep these kind of thoughts to himself and not lay them at your door! It isn't too bad to look at a woman and like her, but there is a line and he is pretty close to it if you ask me!
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (24 March 2012):
 "YouWish", we men are visual creatures, programmed by nature to look. Women are not wired in the same way, so your analogy is a non sequitur.
As to your question, OP, that's more tricky; maybe he just likes her big boobs?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 March 2012):
 The answer is....it's not possible. Come on. "Undressing her" with his eyes means that she's sexually arousing to him. It's gross him telling you that. He needs to keep his eyes and his commentary to himself.
Ask him how he would feel if you started telling him about imagining another man inside you, and see if he'd go with it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2012): He doesvfind her attractive, that's why he mentally undresses her. He doesn't mentally undress women he truly is not attracted to like his female relatives, right?? And of course he's having sexual thoughts as he does it, why else?
I don't find his mentally undressing other attractive women strange. Provided he does it discretely so he's not being rude. What I do find strange is why he would tell you he does it then proceed to lie about the motivation. Did you force him to admit he does it?
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