A
female
age
41-50,
*ookiemon77
writes:Hi,I am getting married soon to a man whom I love very much. He is older than me, but it does not affect us. My problem is his ex-wife. He has always been a little quiet about what went on with them. Doesnt say much. I have a problem with him talking to her, not because he does because I believe that they could stay friends. But, its that fact that he hides it from me. I ask him if he has spoken to her and he says no. But later on another day he mentions oh I spoke to **** and this happenend. He had told me that she was moving to Puerto rico around june july time frame, but didn't know anything else. But, I found out that she moved to florida and had spoken to her in May, through an e-mail that I found. He had gone to florida in june and I could not get a hold of him there the whole time he was there. He bought something and told me he had asked a buddy to buy it for him and send it to him. When in fact she bought it for him and sent it to his parents house. The fact that he omitted that she had done him the favor bothers me a lot. Why does he do that all the time? I want to say something to him about it but I don't want him to get upset that I went through his e-mail. I wasn't really looking for anything and stumbled across that. What should I do. I know that I am jealous of her but its because he hides that fact that he has frequent comunication from her. he also says that thats one of the reasons they broke up because she was too jealous. What should I do?
View related questions:
broke up, ex-wife, fiance, his ex, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cookiemon77 +, writes (24 November 2009):
cookiemon77 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, I spoke to him about it and we resolved it. He did say that he didn't tell me because he thought that I would go off the roof. But, I told him that I do not mind that he has contact with her just don't keep it from me and do not lie to me. He appoligized for that.
A
male
reader, Garm +, writes (23 November 2009):
he's keeping it from you because he knows he's doing something wrong. if he were in the right he would tell you. beware of this sort of behavior--if you don't check him he will be sneakier in the future. tell him sound relationships are built on honesty and truth and that even the smallest lies can undermine the strongest foundation.
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (23 November 2009):
I think you can tell him that you know he's lying and you don't care that he's spoken to her, but you are upset that he's lied.
If you do it in a calm way and just ask WHY he feels he has to lie to you then you can sort this out.
It's bad that he doesn't trust you not to go nuts at him, he clearly doesn't feel there is a level of trust in your relationship.
I think you need to sort this out BEFORE you marry this guy as it is SUCH an important issue and during married life there WILL be challenges for you to face. If you aren't getting the basics right then you will have a tough time getting through the harder parts.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
female
reader, MissPrinn :) +, writes (23 November 2009):
 Hello.
Many couples go through this sort of thing. The most important thing to remember in a long term relationship is honesty. If you can't be honest with him, how can you expect him to be honest with you? Just casually tell him that you happened to stumble upon an email, it wasn't your fault you saw it. And ask him honestly. It might be nothing. But honesty in a relationship as serious as yours is definitely the best policy.
xx
...............................
|
