A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, this is something i cannot talk to my friends about or my mum, havent told anybody.My parents divorced 13 years ago, as my dad met another women, they are now happily married and have had 2 children(seven and ten), i really love my step-mum and the kids its all really good. my mum has had a partner for this time too who lives with us. My dad used to go to newcastle for about 5 months to work, he would fly down for 4 days a week. he gave me his old phone recently as mine broke but he didnt delete his inbox. I couldnt delete them all at once so had to do it one by one, meaning i had to open each.There were messages from this women i hadent heard of so it wasnt a family friend - someone he worked with. the ones which this is about said that "xxx is very clever and may try to manipulate you, he knows what happens and might text you pretending to be me please just ignore him"the other was along the lines of that they slept/sleep together, and that it was a mistake. and he paid her as a friend and college - nothing else. which makes it sound like prositution. Another thing was when i was on his computer looking for old photos of a holiday i went into the WRONG album. it had photos of different women who were all young, and really drunk and posing in underwear. these werent downloaded, definately from his camera.I do not know what to do. i dont plan on doing anything - theres no good that would come from it. but if anyone has any advice for me - at all - it would be really appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): I'm sorry- but how on earth can Natasia say;
"none of it really suggests anything really bad and that would threaten his happy relationship and your family.
I think you should just put it down to your dad having a bit of a private life, but nothing too terrible"
-the reader found a text "along the lines of that they slept/sleep together"!
-how on earth can you say that this is nothing really bad? even if it was a one off and a mistake, this is not ok! if this was your partner, wouldn't you want to know??
Poster; you may have to decide where your loyalties lie, but if you do love your step mum, i think you need to tell your dad that he should be honest with her and that if he won't tell her then you will.
Of course there is a chance that your step mum already knows about this. But your step mum deserves to know the truth, and you should not have to lie to your step mum to cover his cheating.
My sympathies!
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (16 March 2009):
 If DCGurl was my daughter, I would be having a DNA test.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): Your father's wife deserves to know all about this. Her not knowing and you and your dad knowing is wrong. Please don't allow your step mom to go on believing a lie. What if your daughter knew about your husband's side sex and flirting life? Your own daughter had pictures and messages documenting this, and she withheld it from you? What would you think of her? I would tell my dad, and then I would say to my dad, "I love you daddy. You want me to grow up to be a responsible, honest adult with integrity, and if you don't tell your wife by (date), I will." and then follow up by keeping the records, and by the close of that cutoff date, approach her and give her the respect of the truth.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): Wow, sounds like your dad is a little on the human side. I'm not defending his behaviour but he's human. Maybe that's the reason him and your mum divorced. And maybe your stepmum knows about his ways and pictures.
That's how he is, some men are like that BUT not all men are like that. I'm sure you're dating, and I don't want you having trust issues with men.
Maybe talk to your dad about. And also if it's possible maybe you should see a counselor. My dad cheated on my mum and that troubled me. It also caused me to be cold towards him but I later realized he's human and has weakenesses. And off course not all men are like that.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (15 March 2009):
I don't think you have anything to worry about. I know it's a bit weird for you - I don't know why he's got the pictures and texts, but from the details you've given, none of it really suggests anything really bad and that would threaten his happy relationship and your family.
I think you should just put it down to your dad having a bit of a private life, but nothing too terrible. I think it sounds like maybe he had one strange encounter with the text-message woman, but it was just that - a one-off, with no follow-up. I think you just have to forgive your dad this - we are all human - and you can't possibly tell all the circumstances and exactly what happened from the evidence you've got.
Put it down to life - your dad is only human. Try to forget about it. I'm sure your family is just as important, if not more so, to him.
nx
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A
female
reader, Honest_Answers +, writes (15 March 2009):
 It depends on your relationship with your dad. If you can casually say 'you know you didn't delete all the messages on your phone, maybe we need to talk about what I saw' then this would be good. If not I recommend you seek help from professionals e.g the Samaritans.
Don't say anything to the wrong people though. If you chose to speak to a family friend or a member of the family chose them wisely and chose someone who is level headed about things. Have you got a grandparent you can speak to or an Aunt or Uncle?
It's a horrible burden to bear upon your own shoulders and the picture looks bleak but ultimately you don't know the full story yet so beware.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (15 March 2009):
 It's a bit weird when you start getting older and you see your parents as real people, not just "mum and dad", with real lives and emotions. I wouldn't get too into it, your Dad has his own personal life, although he should have checked the phone before giving it to you (!), but just leave their business as their own...If it does really, really bother you, then do have a word with your Dad...
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwhen i said young - i dont mean children, just much younger than him.
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