A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, and he is still good friends with a girl that used to be MY best friend. He used to like her in 8th grade, but they went out for just a few days (you know how it was back then). He told me she was too clingy and he decided he didn't like her that way any more. the problem is, SHE still likes him, and though she's had MANY other boyfriends, she maintains her friendship with my boyfriend throughout those relationships. in fact, when I started going out with my boyfriend, she begged me not to, because she still had feelings for him. i ignored that, because my boyfriend and i really liked each other, so that's what actually ruined my friendship with her. she now talks about me behind my back, and i am afraid that she talks badly about me to my boyfriend. he says he's not attracted to her that way, but she is the first girl after me on his Myspace (i am #1, she is #9) and he talks to her every day at school.he also told my sister that this girl is one of his best friends, but he also always tells me he loves me. I am sick about being jealous, but i can't help it. This girl has made other girls treat me differently, and she is VERY jealous of me because i am more attractive physically than she is, and all the boys we're mutually friends with all think i am pretty, while they think she is cute, but kind of manly-looking. Having said that, she makes out with a lot of guys, and she flirts with EVERYONE. Why does my boyfriend want to stay friends with this girl when he knows how she treats me? I am not trying to sabotage their friendship (I think he wouldn't like me for that), but i wish she would move away, or something. What can I do to make myself feel better about this situation? should i continue to pretend it doesn't bother me that my boyfriend is such good friends with her (he told me sister that she is one of his best friends when my sister told him to take her off his Myspace).
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male
reader, benefattore +, writes (21 October 2008):
 I have am in a similar situation. I am friends with a girl who used to like me when I was in high school and she was in middle school (10th and 8th grade).
We never had a real relationship. Never even kissed.
My girlfriend is threatened by her because they've been on the war path before and my friend is extremely attractive (even I have to admit).
I can only assume your boyfriend is friends with her because they're friends. It's that simple. You can't tell him who to be friends with. You should trust him to make the right decision and try to make peace. My girlfriedn and friend are being nice to each other and it's keeping the relationship healthy. The past is exactly that, THE PAST. Unless you know of her trying to break up the relationship there is no reason for him not to be friends with her.
Don't pretend it doesn't bother you. Let your boyfriend know you're uncomfortable and help him come to understand your point of view. He SHOULD listen and try to make you happy while keeping his friendship.
Don't make yourself look controlling or he could break up with you over it... and quite possibly the "friend" will snatch him away. Take that into consideration.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): That's why they say you shouldn't be dating your friend's man. I think you should talk with your friend and if you really care about this relationship dont "tie" him to your leg. Just explain what boundaries you want him to keep to and good luck.
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