A
female
age
36-40,
*eachplumpear8
writes:ok so i have a question? I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now. we love each other very much but there are some problems we have been having especially lately. a couple days ago i was looking through the history(not on purpose) on the internet and i found that he had been looking at porn. it wasnt just that day but as far as the history goes back. i was extremely hurt..not only because i felt betrayed but because i almost feel like i have to make him want to have sex with me. he always makes excuses saying that he is not a very sexual person...but thats hard to believe since he has been looking at porn. so please tell me what is wrong with him..or me? or what i need to to do
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2007): Hi, I posted the last message, I forgot to add something. Remind your boyfriend that those women he's looking at, their bodies have been enhanced either by surgery or digitally on computer, he should not expect you to look like those women, because only supermodels look like that (and even some of them have tiny boobs and cellulite!). Maybe it will give him a reality check if you remind him that they are fake and you are real, and that those women in the pictures or videos will never do in the bedroom what you will do for him. Worth a try...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2007): If it bothers you, you should tell him. It doesn't bother some women and that's fine. It bothers me, though. I'd feel betrayed and that I wasn't good enough for him, that looking at by body doesn't turn him on enough. Yes, men are visual creatures and some men (perhaps like those two guys who posted here already) feel that if they are not getting 'visual stimulation' at home then it's okay for them to get it elsewhere. But what if a woman was not getting her physical stimulation (cuddles, kisses, touching) at home - is it okay for HER to get it somewhere else?? I bet those guys would say hell no, its not okay. You need to talk about these things together. Tell him you feel betrayed and how would he feel if it were you seeking your stimulation elsewhere? You can both make compromises so you're both happy sexually but you need to be open and honest and not embarrassed to talk about it. If he needs variety (as a lot of men do) maybe you could go lingerie shopping or even just buy some nice frilly, lacy underwear. Or maybe you could just try some different positions - buy a copy of the karma sutra or something and pick out a few positions you'd each like to try. But personally I don't understand how a man would prefer to get off to pornographic pictures of complete strangers on on the internet, when there is a wonderful woman who loves him, naked in his bed who wants to have sex with him.
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A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (23 November 2007):
 Watching porn is not cheating and it is not substitute for natural sex. But at your age not having sex is not OK. (I wanted to have sex every hour of the day when I was at that age).So you are right in getting upset not because he is watching porn but that he is not having sex with you.Try watching it together may some sex will come out of that. Otherwise it is not OK. She might have stopped interested in you or normal natural sex is not stimulating him. Either way there is a problem.I am not into sex is not an answer. He can not tell you this, turn his back and expects to wake up with you the next morning...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): Guys like to look at porn. I know that sounds like a cop out, but it's true. Ladies are more stimulated by love and by feelings. Being treated good, held and kissed, etc. Men are more visually stimulated. Sexy clothing, porn, etc. Why don't you meet him halfway. Pick up some sexy lingerie without him knowing and wear it for him. See where that gets you. If it doesn't lead to sex, you might honestly be out of luck. Porn gives us that visual stimulation that we desire. If you give him that instead, he may not need the porn. I'm assuming you are fairly conservative in dress. Good luck.
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