A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok well where to start? me and my bf have been together a year and a half. We get on so well.He's my best friend, soul mate ect. Apart from this.... its driving me insane to the point where i feel so messed up, fragile alone and I dont trust anyone and have changed so much socially.(although i am an amazing actress so nobody would ever know) so I really need some advice. Firstly im gonna tell you about me .I'm very very open minded sexually. I have no limits whatsoever. I'm very unjudgemental on sex as long as someones not getting hurt (unless they want to be) or its not illegal. I have a very mature outlook on sex even though im 19.I'm also a bit bisexual. I also have an ability so understand a lot of guys very well sexually and not, except this horrible situation im in.ok so my bf is quite shy, he was when i met him and it took a while to get him talking sexually about what he wanted ect.over a year ago we spoke about some stuff whilst drunk in bed and he said he sometimes used chat rooms when he was younger for cyber sex which i wasnt shocked by at all and told him in fact i used to too. then he also said he had a thing for transexuals sometimes when they was very attractive i said i didnt blame him either i liked them too. i asked about the chat rooms and he said he didnt do it often anymore cos of me but he did occasionally and he could see i was a bit taken aback and i asked what happened and he said it wasnt swapping pics it was just dirty talk and to stimulation while watching porn. he said he wouldnt if i didnt like it, so i said i didnt really like that idea so he said that was it. obviously as our relationship developed so did our sex life, i wont go into too much detail but id always suggest stuff and he loved it. he suggested stuff too. ive bought toys, strap ons ect. the lot. and we both had fun. nothing in me has ever doubted him cheating till now as he said he was happy and i know he was. we spoke about porn and obviously like a lot of men we will watch it alone to masturbate.i said i liked it too, so we watched porn together sometimes. i need to state that porn is not the issue at all. i watch it, i know its for visual stimulation, most of the girls are filth anyway so it never attacks my self image at all. to be honest im quite happy with myself, my average breasts and natural beauty over the way they look anyway. so anyway we watched porn sometimes, then one night we couldnt as his parents were home and he said his brother had this old transexual porn film that hed watched years ago so he got it and put it on. i thought it was quite sexy to be honest. One day i used his phone and saw hed been looking at transexual porn on there, still unfazed.. then whenever id use his internet on his phone id see thats all he had looked at, transexual porn. so we spoke about it and he said he did like then and i said i did too and as a lot of guys do he asked for a 3some. i said maybe but i didnt think our relationship needed it right now but we could look together. then we went onto chat sites i said i was ok if we was together, and we spoke to some, added on msn and stuff. he mentioned cam so i suprised him one day with one and we went online a few times together.... now going back a bit, about few months into our relationship he would sometimes go on the computer and get angry if i came in the room, maybe sensing he just wanted a wank i left him too it! and went onto my laptop in another room however i suddenly got curious. i went onto the chat site and saw he was using on it. i knew it was him asking for trannys. I still wasnt to bothered but wished hed just told me as he knows im ok with it. anyway i left it there.I knew he was occasionally using whilst watching porn when i wasnt there. im fine with that but sometimes at his house hed say he was going to the 'toilet'and id check his phone and hed just been looking at trans porn.i felt digraded. its no longer a 'wank' while im not there. why rather that quick wank than me then come downstairs like nothings happened. then when i ask for sex, as i have a very high sex drive, tell me im an addict, hes tired, laugh at me ect.this is where problems started. i also checked his phone one day and hed been on msn, talking filth to not just trans. but girls too! heres where it started.i began checking all the time, he slowly stopped wanting sex so often, which i know happens in a relationship, but come on? id have sexy undies on, beggin or sometimes dominating rubbing him and hed say he was tired. we are 19 not 90! or watch tv over my head as im 'down there' on him... fast fowrd to a few months ago. i was on MY laptop, which he had at his house, went on my documents, and saw file names i didnt know, tried to open them, and they were deleted, went down the recycle bin and i see these pics of a girl and some of my bf too which hed obv sent her. i confronted him, he cried, said it wasnt like that he didnt know her bla bla visual stimulation ect. it would never happen again. i had an abortion the next day too and this was such a bloody bad time.so last week i know hes home from work i call he says hes just got in hes on facebook, i go on chat room, i see someone with same name as him, talk to him, and its him, gave him my msn, swapped pics (i used a friend of mine), some of them im in!! tells me im so hot, he likes that im 'bigger' and 'chubby' which is horrible for me as im very slim, and have had eating disorders and body dismorphia in the past which he knows, and now i look my best! i say I live near him and asked when he wants to meet, he says he has a gf but still can but will be hard, he cant give his number as his gf uses his phone but has an old spare top up, he goes to get it comes back says theres no credit so he cant get the number. beggs me to stay online, says meeting will be hard!So in a few weeks when he can say he is at college.i go offline. i couldnt go ahead and pretend to be her and meet him in a few weeks as i couldnt deal with it, I could if it was in a few days and we would be over. i confront him. he cries says it wont happen, this is is wake up call he loves me ect. and he wouldnt have met the girl and he didnt even know where that old phone was. so i actually believe him this time.... we get on better than ever an we even went to a transexual club to act out ours or mainly his fantasy. we both kissed a transexual. it was fun. we both laughed. more funny than sexual. we laughed about it for days after.fast foward to two days ago, hes out, im at his house, i see the old phone on the side, i turn it on, and hed tried to call his own number to get the number obv! so what else was a lie ? i go on his computer. on recycle bin, theres a pic of a 'bigger girl' which i dont know when it was received and a load of ones of men in stockings, trannys, ect. received the day before, the day before that, every damn day! so now hes going on gay chats so when i ask him have you been speaking to girls online again? he can lie to my face and think hes not! i even asked him the day before if hed done it again he said no. so yesterday i pretened to be a crossdresser, went online, sure enough hes on there! literally straight home from work, rushed in and put the computer on. i sent some pics of a crossdresser to him, he added me on msn, said he wanted me and a load of other filth. i asked if he meets, he said yeah but he has a gf so its hard, shes always around, its hard to get time 'off' haah! hes the one that always asks to see me every night! again he suggested the day he can say hes going college and he got so in depth about where to leave his car so his mum wouldnt see ect. he even said i love you and loads of really weird kreepy stuff like please talk to me babe dont go please, and a load of gross stuff. saying he was hard from the pics. so now im here again. i need advice. would you keep talking to him, and see if he will meet then turn up ? or confront him AGAIN? and get told that lame excuse... again, it wont happen agin? i know everyone will be like just leave him but theres so much stuff thats unanswered, is he not attracted to me, why doesnt he want sex, please help xx
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abortion, best friend, breasts, chat room, drunk, facebook, I love you, msn, porn, sex drive, sex life, shy, soulmate, threesome, transexual porn Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010): He is a lying cheating bastard. You have given him chance after chance after chance. You put up traps and keeps walking right into them, yet every time you take him back! When are you going to wake up? He has no respect for you, he uses you merely as a toy, he takes you for granted and abuses your open mindedness to satisfy his own perversions. Fine and good for him that he found out what he enjoys in the bedroom, but stop being his doormat.
He cheated on you with others, you dont even know how many times, but you know for a fact he wanted to meet up the two times you pretended to be someone else online. It doesnt matter if you dont know for a fact if he'd actually meet them or not, his behaviour is FAR from acceptable. And if it walks like a duck, sounds like a duck, looks like a duck, it most likely is a duck. He is a lying, cheating bastard.
And no, he wont change. He got his chance and he took a piss at it, which just goes to show how little he respects this relationship. Walk away and never look back.
You know what though? You could sue him for posting pictures of you online without your approval. Those pictures of you that are now online could get you into serious trouble later on with finding a job for example. What he did right there was creeping lower than low, and I can not for the love of anything understand why you would forgive him for humiliating you in this manner. Walk away, and make sure to delete every photo he has of you and threaten him with law suit should he ever post pictures of you online ever again.
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