A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i honestly don't know where to begin, this is going to be a long story but ill try and keep you interested, my friends aren't helpful, and i have a lot to say, i'm hurt, i'm depressed, it bothers me everyday and i can't find a way out, i just can't do it, and i just don't understand what i did wrong. i've been with this guy for almost 2 years, our relationship started off like any other in November 2010, i want you to understand a little about us, i'm 18, i'm mature for my age, dad passed away when i was in high school, he was a good man, i was raised right and i come from a business background with a lot of older sibling which plays a factor in where my relationship is right now, my boyfriend is 21, life wise we're on the same page,and both haven't gone to college yet, he use to do drugs until i made him quit (i don't find that a bad thing) his parents fight a lot, and he was born in the war over seas and that reflect how he is.okay so our relationship was cool, back from november 2010 till july 2011 i don't remember a lot, we didn't have a lot of issues, he didn't have a job at the time, and he was trying to change his lifestyle, we were both on the same page, in july thats what changed our relationship upside down, i found out he hung out with a girl in may and that his friends weren't talking to him for some time because they thought they slept together and i didn't know, and when i found out, and talked to him, i decided to believe him, he said they just chilled, whatever. that same day i told him that around the same time he chilled with her, (i had class with an ex, and besides harmless flirting i would have never done anything) that we skipped class for like 10 minutes and went to grab food across the street and he showed off his car to me. it wasn't a big deal, but let me tell you from july till even now, but it was really bad untill october, he acted like he hated my guts, he accused me of cheating every day, he would flirt with other girls infront of me, he would get away with doing whatever he wants, he started shit talking me to all his friends and family so that they'd stop taking sides when we fight, thats when he started to not call me when he went out, he kept secrets, stopped telling me things, went back to doing drugs for a bit, and started smoking weed again and that part still has not stopped, until october, i was pregnant with his kid, i chose to get an abortion ( i regret it) he made the abortion the most painful thing, he was still arguing with me, he wasn't there for me, i don't even like thinking about it, it was just horrible, after that, on and off again he would bring up me "cheating" whenever he wanted and start fights over it, and right now, our relationship is the worst its ever been.somewhere in between all that i got him a good job through my family for 22$ an hour. now up to date, when We hangout it consists of him doing whatever he wants, if we're at his house, god forbid i ask for anything its an argument, and he brings up alot of excuses so that he can go out without me, like makes up excuses to fight with me so we dont chill, if we're out, he treats me like shit in front of everyone, he calls me stupid, anoyying, he never asks me to hangout anymore, when we're around other people, i try to be fucking nice and he's nice to than out of no where he with treat me like shit, when we're not together, he doesn't call at all to tell me whats up, if i try to talk about anything with him, he wont, he'll repeat "shut up" for an hour straight if he has to, to avoid fixing anything with me, he doesnt do anything with me, than goes out and does it with his friends, or most recently his friend and his friends girlfriend, and doenst think to invite me at all? since decemeber 2010 he hasnt bought me anything, its not a big deal, but its bothers me, in december he got me a tattoo and dre beat headphones, he got my nails done and my eyebrows done for new years and i spent just as much money on him, SINCE THAN, and i swear on my whole entire life, he's only bought me food, and allowed me to smoke his cigarettes (which i dont even smoke anymore), i'm not even trying to make myself look better, i hardlyyyyy drink, ever since the abortion i just havent done anything, no weed, no nothing, so really all hes spent money on for me was food, and probably gas money since i live about 15 km from his house, thats it and thats become a problem because he uses it against, he spends so much money on stuff , and has nothing to show for it, he still has debts, and he has no new clothes, his car isnt fixed, and its not like i ask him for money, but i ask to go out to a movie, he says in front of everyone that i spend ALLLLLL his money, and all i wanna do is go out? ... he doesnt even buy me good food, i've only been out to a restaurant with him ONCE and it was all you can eat, the rest is mostly mcdonalds, its so frustrating. but every single time i ask for ANYTHING, he never fails to say "no, i spent so much fucking money on you, i buy you foooodd, you smoke my cigarettes blahblhablahbalahahh" and he just looks like a fucking idiot, like what kind of boyfriend are you? that all you do is buy your girl food, and you complain about it, it drives me insane, especially since my mom buys him so much clothes and shit for his house and paid for his cell bill for like 3 months if anything we're even, i swear almost all our fights revolve around that bullshit. but whatever. onto todays issue, i sold my blackberry for christmas, because he said he was gonna get me an iphone, turns out, jokes on me ,i never got one, he let me use his old blackberry for the time being, than he said "whe ni pay off my debts i'll get you the iphone" and i was all excited, i cancelled my phone bill cus i have a rule where i only pay 100 a month, and i went over a couple times and had to pay it all off so i sold the old blackberry he gave me for 60 bucks and i wanted to use it on something for me cause i dont have alot of money, and he was cool with me selling it, and i thought he'd be like "yeah like do soemthing for yourself too cause like i said he legit doesnt treat me with anything, nope, he wanted more than half, argued with me about it, and when i was like "you know waht no, like you had 1200$ (his last paycheck he got fired for lates like 4 days ago) on you and spent 300 of it just this week doing wahetver you want, we werent even together, and now you want the 30 $ for what? he made me get out of the car and walk an hour home.i know i spent alot of time on the money issue, but its drives me absolutely NUTS, when he says that to me, he not only looks like a fool infront of everyone , i look bad for being with someone that treats me like that because everyone knows i do EVERYTHING for him, legit everyyyything his mom and dad have even asked me why i'm with him, and on top of that, he calls me names all the time, he treats everyone better than me, he says things to me to litterly hurt me, he always tells me to leave and says im not wanted, he doesnt keep thigns between us, he makes sure everyone knows we're fighting, and talks shit about me all the time, its just a fucking mess. adn whats makes me stay is that there will be a morning here or there he'll call to say "heyy babeee whats up" he'll text, or nights where i just love beign with him, and what i ahte most, is the way i catch myself looking at the situation adn telling myself i'd rather be unhappy because of him than realllllly happy because of him, than be unhappy for a really long time without him, and be sorta happy for an even longer time till i find someone else.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): I've read your post and to be honest it's pretty sad at your age you are in such a miserable relationship. It's meant to be fun and even when times get tough, as every relationship does, you are still a partnership and should be both trying to make things better. I can't see any reason why you are still with him? You might feel you love him, but read your post and ask yourself how can you love someone like that?? You've given plenty of time for things to get better and it hasn't, so there comes a time when you have to say enough is enough and leave him. Even when he's begging for you to come back just read what you've told us and seriously think hard if going back to all that is worth it!
You should focus on your own life and happiness and spend some time just getting to know yourself better and being with you friends. He has taking advantage of your mum, she shouldn't be paying his phone bill!! At 21 he is one year younger than me which is shocking as he's actions are like a 16 year old.
Best of luck, I really hope you find happiness, I can't see how it's with him. Take care x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): Unless you want to continue being emotionally abused you must get rid of this waste of space from your life.
YOU have allowed yourself to be used by this person and, to be frank, it sounds like you are - in some masochistic way - ENJOYING THE DRAMA.
So, if you want to be treated like a piece of dirt stay with him. Your family, his family, your friends ... you say they're not helpful?! They are telling you to get rid of him - that is being helpful, that is caring - you simply don't want to hear.
You need to fill your very young life with something positive. Do not become addicted to being a victim, which is what you are in danger of becoming right now.
IT'S YOUR LIFE - YOUR ONCE SHOT AT LIFE - you have the choice. This person (you'll notice I am not calling him a man, because real men don't behave as he does) is an abusive, drug-using (how do you know he's stopped, because silly girl, you CANNOT make someone stop drugs), work-shy waster and he will drag you down until you cannot find a way back out. DITCH HIM NOW.
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