A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My Ex and I were in a long distance relationship, which we ended nearly three years ago. The break up was mostly mutual, and we agreed to a pseudo open relationship. We did see each other twice in the following two months, and I always thought we would see each other again after that. I was an absolute wreck after breaking up. I couldn't sleep or eat for almost 6 months. I cried all the time, which is very out of character for me. About 10 months ago he told me that he was seeing someone new, and had been for about a year. He also told me that his new girlfriend lived three states away, and that he was going to visit her a couple of times a month. I was shocked when I heard this, he never once made the trip to see me while we were dating. It was always me going to see him because he never had the time. When he told me about his new girlfriend, I couldn't help but think that he would never make time for me, but was all too happy to accommodate this new girl. I recognize this was irrational, but you really can't control your emotional response to a situation in my experience. I told him that this made me angry, and why. This pretty much ended the conversation, and I haven't spoken with him since. This month, which is as I said nearly three years after breaking up with him, I have become obsessed with him. I suddenly miss him terribly, and cry the same way I did when we broke up. I am dying to tell him how I feel, but I can't because its not fair to his current relationship. It's like a part of my mind woke up with amnesia and is just now learning that he is no longer my best friend, my partner, and my teammate. I feel like I am going through the heart break all over again. I can't stand the thought that I don't get to spend time with him and I wonder if he feels the same, but how would I ever know if I can't tell him how I feel because it's not the right thing to do? How can I get over this, and why is it suddenly so terrible again?
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female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (24 October 2007):
 You are suddenly feeling the loss like it is new because of this new girl. It wasnt so bad when it was a problem with him ~ he was unable to make time for you, he was too busy. But now that you find he can make time for someone else, someone he deems *worthy* of making time for, you are heartbroken all over again. Even though you know, of course, that you are indeed worthy, it is the fact that he did not deem you so that is so painful. I have so been there done that. I completely understand! An old boyfriend of mine and I took a trip to our college town. We stayed with some old friends sleeping on the fold out couch. I was perfectly fine with this. Later, after we broke up, but were still friends, he told me how he and his new girlfriend went to the same town to visit. I said, "Oh! Did you stay with Steve again?" expecting the answer to be yes. Instead he told me, horrified at the mere suggestion, "I would NEVER make her stay THERE! No, I got us a room at the Hilton!" Ah. Steves house was good enough for me. It wasnt worth spending money on a hotel for me. But SHE was worth it. My heart broke all over again. It hurts for us to think that someone we cared so very much about does not deem us worthy of their love in return. But we ARE worth it! We deserve every wonderful thing that life and love has to offer. Someday you will find true love. Someone who will make the trip across 3 states just to see you. Someone who will gladly pay for a hotel instead of making you sleep on the skanky couch. Someone who will think the sun rises and sets on you. Someone who loves you. You are worth it and you deserve it. Good luck!
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