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female
,
anonymous
writes: My best friend of 8 yrs is an ex-boyfriend of mine, he wants to introduce me to a female he is currently dating. Says the both of us are alike in so many ways, knows that we will get along without a doubt, and possibly would like us to spend sometime getting to know each other. I've always been a slight bitjealous about the girls he's dated but never said or would say anything about it. We had our time and I wouldn't give our friendship up for nothing, I just find it so strange that he wants me to bond with his current fling since it was never bought up in the females he was involved with previously. I'm a little uneasy about the whole thing, since I do good with this kind of thing..Anyone have any advise or words of wisdom? Thanks a bunch.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): Just a quick thought here. Do you think he still wants more than a friendship from you? Is he playing a possible 'jealousy card'..something to knock you off balance? I had to ask that. Some guys play this game and you know him best.
But onto the issue of meeting her. If she's a 'fling' that could mean, she may be 'out the door' in a short time, so what purpose will this really serve? Or as suggested below, maybe she's someone he's sees a future with? Listen, I am not a proponent of ex gf's meeting and becoming friends with current gf's. Usually these scenarios can create jealousy issues and go sour real fast and are usually done just to appease the guy and his ego. From reading your posting, everything you stated in your posting, points to what "he' said..what 'he' thinks and what 'he' feels.
So can I ask. Does this current girlfriend of your ex bf's...really want to meet you? You may want to be certain of her feelings before you proceed, here. Some new gf's don't want this sort of thing. But are relunctant to say so. And some don't mind. But he does have to be totally 'fair' to her and to you.
It is likely if you dated this fellow for a long period of time, and now that you both are good friends, there likely is a deep connection here--maybe not romantically or sexually, but a connection. If this is correct, some people might even suggest this is more than a friendship even if it is not a sexual connection. Just a guess here, but I think you are feeling uncomfortable because 2 things are happening here. 1) You are concerned for her---about not causing her any unease or discomfort or 2) You may still feel a deep emotional connection, to him, a connection that may go beyond a 'normal' friendship connection. Your jealous feelings may suggest this.
Ask him why he wants the meeting to take place? Why are your opinions so important? Maybe he has other friends who can tell him their thoughts, other friends she can meet..for now. Some men feel that old ex gf's are the greatest of friends, and because the friendship pre-dates the new gf, then sometimes, the bf will feel he should not have to sacrifice this close friendship for his current gf's benefit. But he has to understand, that she and him must now form a close deep bond and a special friendship that surpasses the friendship he had with you. So because she is likely trying to do this, her thoughts and feelings are paramount here...not his. He has to value her enough to ask her first, find out what her honest feelings are about this. All of this is up to her...not him..not you...but her.
My suggestion is for you to just tell him...that you would prefer to wait on this. Let them develop that strong bond that is essential in the beginning of all newer relationships. I also think you need to work out your own feelings of connectiveness for him. If you met his old gf's and felt a tinge of jealousy, in the past...I can imagine that meeting this current gf, may really send your feelings into a flurry of emotion. You need to work through that and give yourself time to completely recover. You aren't there yet.
A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (19 December 2008):
 Perhaps she is not a fling. Perhaps he really likes this girl and sees the potential for a future with her. If that is the case then he would certainly want his best friend to get to know her!
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