A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband has worked for his company for 9 years now and the past year and half he has worked closely with another woman who works there. She has been harassing me with emails telling me of "their relationship" plans of sexual innuendos etc... (even plans to have a baby with my husband).He has been honest with me and told me he was attracted to her in the beginning and that's why they became "Best Friends". During this time of these notes and letters -She showed him her "Tramp Stamp" tattoo by lifting her shirt and lowering her pants right there in his cube at work. She is married and constantly coming on to my husband and sending me these horrific emails. I told my husband I was going to call the police on her for harassing me and I needed his support as my husband and he then replied to me, "I don't want to be your husband anymore". He then told me at that point he wanted a divorce, although now he says he wished he would have never said that... I think it was because he thought she was leaving her husband and he was with me ... preventing him to be with her... I don't really know all the reasoning in his decision to tell me this because every time I would talk to him , he would just say; I don't want to talk about it. Since then I have not reported to the police but I have reported to their HR Dept who says emails can be changed so there is nothing they can do. Meanwhile, She is denying sending me anything and my husband, I feel does not believe me and believes her and I don't know what to do anymore. Or else he just really doesn't care. He says he is tired of trying to "Prove he cares" ... But he is not proving he does - that's the point! He says that if we are not to get divorced I can't talk about her anymore at all. The issue is done. He said, there is nothing going on but yet he would not let me report her to the police or to the HR dept without an Ultimatum of our relationship. Which made me think that everything she says is truth. He says he does not talk to her anymore but then I always find where they are having more conversations. I understand that was his co worker (she turned in her 2 weeks notice , last week)... But this harassment is not stopping and she now has threatened my life and he acts like he does not even care. We have been together for 6 years and married for 3. He says nothing has happened between the two of them , but I feel deep in my heart he has feelings for this person. What should I do? She is literally driving me crazy. He never wants to be intimate anymore and he is now always going in to work early and leaving late. Even blowing off Date night with me ... Just to "WORK"... Then blaming me for all the stress he has. Infact saying to me the reason he does not want to be intimate is because he is so stressed out at work, he said this on a Friday night and he does not work Saturday or Sunday. If there is no work and he is now home, why can't we love each other and be intimate ... I know that was just an excuse and I'm tired of being married and getting rejected every night. Emotionally I feel drained and alone and he has done this to me. I try to tell him how I am feeling, he says he gets it... But I don't think he really does. Why does he treat me this way when I would do anything for him? I don't understand. Am I just crazy like he says I am ... Or do I have the right to be concerned about what is going on between him and this Co-worker soon to be ex co worker?They even removed her from part of his "Team" because HR / Managers saw something going on between the two of them and they were separated. He now is training a new person. Confused and Alone (just looking for another perspective).
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe has always been honest with me and he promises me nothing is going on, nothing has ever happened or ever will. I have a feeling nothing is going on now, but I am afraid maybe when they were "Best Friends" and co workers something may have happened. Since he has seen some of the emails she has sent me and just how mean of a person she is, he has seemed to back down and he is now showing more concern and intimacy for/towards me.
I don't want to break up my marriage on what I feel might have happened... (I do love him so much)and the fact he seems to have done a 360 attitude change and he now states how much he hates her. She wrote an email saying how she moved on to bigger and better things and she did not want anything to do with him and since he saw that email I think his feelings were hurt by her and he now doesn't want anything to do with her... She also called him some choice names. This is the first issue in our relationship, when he first started to talk to her at work about a year ago, I left him. I got sick of hearing about her and assumed he did not want me anymore as he acted like he hated me at the time. Being gone... He had asked me to come back about 3 weeks later to "work on our marriage" ... he stated then how much he loved and missed me and most everything had been worked out and all issues were gone well until, I went there to work with him for a while and I saw how they were acting towards each other... Then I told him about what she was saying to me, and arguments started at that point. I then showed him some of the emails that were sent to me...
He has since told me that he did tell her to stop sending those messages but she keeps denying that she is doing it.
He says the reason he did not want me to go to HR is because he did not want to be caught in the middle and he "knew she would turn it on him" if reported to HR.
Personally, I don't know for sure if they are still talking at work, but the only person who knew I reported her to the police was him and I asked him not to tell her and then later that day, I got a message from her and she knew I had called the police. I can't say for sure it was him because maybe the police called her or went to her house and her husband told her , I don't know... all I do know is to protect myself from arguing with him, I just don't talk about it.
So I am confused. Since the last few days, as I said its as if he just has put on a different personality and he is treating me as the wife I am. Also I am getting ready to go in for an operation on Aug 30th. I have been ill for about 2 years, I had a hysterectomy about 8 months ago. This will be my second major surgery. He is taking a week of vacation off work, just to help me.
Through all these last few months of dealing with this I am now on anti anxiety medication and seeing a therapist. She also has said the same, I deserve much better. But I should give it time and see if he comes around.
Therefore, my confusion in the whole matter. Most people tell me to just go another month and see how it goes because in another week or so she won't even be there anymore. Then they will have no reason for contacting each other at all, and based on knowing what she has said to me and her now not being a co worker there is no reason for him not to tell her to just go F*** herself if there truly is nothing going on ... and he really does hate her.
I have her numbers blocked on both his cell phone and mine as well, and we have changed our email addresses so she does not know how to contact me and she would only know how to contact him through work. So if they are still in contact after she has left the company, then I have my answer.
I appreciate the comment and thank you for all your help. I will update you with my situation after my surgery and let you know what I did decide to do.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): Leave. Life and love are not fair. Leave. You got the short end of the stick here. Leave. He's cheating on you, and he does not love you. Leave. You deserve a million times better than this. Leave.
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A
female
reader, giasmom +, writes (17 August 2010):
YOU DO have the right to be concerned he is your husband. And yes I completely believe that he is having an affair with this woman and I think you know it as well. If she is threatning your life....report it to the police and I would leave him immediatly. This has happened to me b4 and I am alot happier without him and his crazy girlfriend. I know it hurts because of the time you have put in with him...the up's and downs and everything in between. Either call the police or just pack all your stuff one day and leave....love to be a fly on the wall when he comes home to find you gone. No woman desreves to be treated this way! he doesn't desreve you! I am one not to put up with B.S. So if a man does me wrong the 1st time it will be the last time. Good Luck with this!
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