A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a guy for 4 months... were both in our 40's and have adult children from our previous marriages. His 24 old daughter is very demanding... he runs every time she wines about something... which is daily... she doesnt get along with her mother (his ex). It is driving me insane how much he babies his daughter and rants about his ex... I have told him I am sick of hearing about his ex.. I dont care what she is doing or who she is dating... all he tells me is that is the mother of his kids... mind you they have been divorced for 15 years.. both of them have remarried and divorced spouce #2... I never hear about wife #2... just wife #1.He is a great guy, loving and caring... why is he so hung up on his ex??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2012): Thank you for all the responses... My gut has told me the same thing that he's still isn't over the ex yet...what I hear all the time is how she does't pay her bills, she drinks, shes losing her house, who she is dating... etc...
I know that the ex held the kids against him when the kids were young.... all 3 kids are in their 20's now...
I agree the daughter (the only girl) will get her way every time... cuz shes daddy's little girl... I have told him that she is an adult(has 2 kids of her own) now she needs to grow up and stop running to daddy... I have asked why does he talk about his ex he tells me cuz that's his kids mother...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2012): "He is a great guy, loving and caring... why is he so hung up on his ex??"
Not hung up on his ex, hung up on his daughter.
If his daughter is 24 and he's been divorced 15 years, he wasn't a full-time part of her life from age nine (if not earlier age) so likely he now feels guilty about not always being there for her, and daughter sounds like she's not above using her father's retro-guilt to her advantage. Not unusual for children of divorce to play their parents off each other to get what they want, even adult children of long-divorced parents. I know a couple of lay-about 30-somethings who've made a career out of it.
I'm guessing no kids with second wife, reason why you never hear about her.
Nothing you can do to change dynamics of situation, constant harping will only exacerbate tension, like any father of minor children dating him is a package deal with both kid(s) and baby mama(s) part of the package, take it or leave it.
I recommend leaving it.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (7 January 2012):
 I suspect that he is guilty over his first divorce and that is why he babies his daughter. Also, it is his child (even if she is an adult) and for a father, he'll come running, especially if she is a daddy's girl.
You don't mention what he talks about when he reminisces about his ex-wife. It could be that he harbors a lot of resentment or guilt. There even could be some affection still smoldering in the wreckage. He is certainly giving you some clues, so listen when he does talk about her.
At 4 months, you are beginning to see the real him. Take note of where you place in regards to his past. If you are going to be resentful of him because he is at the beck and call of his daughter, that feeling will only fester. In addition, after 15 years of not being with his first wife, it would appear to me that whatever he is feeling, isn't going away. Perhaps it is time for him to consider counseling to work whatever he has going on inside of him out of his system.
I urge you to be patient in your relationship as well as keep your eyes wide open. Becoming wife #3 means that you'll always have to contend with his past and his children.
Best wishes
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (7 January 2012):
 He doesn't sound like a keeper to me. He's clearly not over her if shes on his mind all the time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2012): He's still in love with her and he's never going to admit it to you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 January 2012):
 In my humble opinion and man who can do nothing but talk trash of his ex, doesn't own his own actions and is always blaming the ex for whatever bad happened. They also tend to not "get" women in general.
I told my husband a long time ago that I'm not his ex wife, so he can stop comparing and honestly I don't give two craps about her, so no talking about her either. I don't bring up MY past so he can keep his to himself too. After all, it IS the past.
If he doesn't respect that you don't want to hear about I would try a dose of his own medicine, sit and whine on and on about an ex. See how he likes it.
As for his daughter, most likely he is still feeling guilty over the divorce and SHE (the daughter) is milking it for what it's worth.
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