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Why does he say and do the things he does?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 December 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 6 December 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, *vaocean writes:

Hello everyone,I love my boyfriend very much and i believe he loves me too.

I fight fair i don't say hurtful things,if i am the one at fault i apologize but i have never not even one said anything disrespectful to my boyfriend.Because i believe in respecting others and let them hold their dignity. My boyfriend on the other hand, he says mean things and does disrespectful things.For example he will answer me " what is it you wanted to say yesterday that was so important you cant repeat it now?" (If i ask him why i called him several times but he didnt pick up the day before), or "stop right there you are so annoying me right now,you can be mad all you want i dont care" or we having an important conversation on the phone,he puts me on hold five minutes later he texts me saying "call you right back" then like an hour later he tells me" my friends kidnapped me,i am out at the pub with them,what are you up too" ,which i find very disrespectful,if it was just a nonsense convo then yes but something important its wrong.The next day he says if he knew it was going to get me sad he wouldn't have done it.what i don't understand is , how he cant see that his kind of behaviour is just wrong before handy?I know its unfair for me to be putting things together but things have been happening like this a lot lately.Like girls posting pictures of him holding them on his lap on facebook and tagging him, or pretending to be sleeping on the couch with them,or him going to the movies with another girl and dinner without me knowing and yet i always make him know what am up too and make sure he is comfortable with it. At first he would say that he doesn't see anything wrong in what he does then he would come to me apologizing but how can someone not thing that taking pics with other girls on those kind of positions is plain wrong?I don't blame the girls i blame him,he should have refused ,or movies and dinner with another girl without their girlfriend being aware of it? the last fight we had, he posted my pic on his facebook for few hours on my birthday then took it off,i was upset that he did that since so far i've had 3 pictures of him and each has stayed for at least a week as my profile,thats when he said that i was too annoying and he did it to make it happy, that i was ungrateful,that i should be happy he put it there in the first place and i could get mad all i want he wouldn't care.But i have had his pictures for past year and it was his first time to have my picture. I am not saying he cant have female friends because thats just wrong i do have more male friends than female myself but i know where to draw the line and i guess he doesn't. I told him before that i dont like how he talks to me, and yesterday i repeated it again for the 3rd time and i asked him if i deserve to be talked to the way he did then he answered not everday but you got me mad i had the right to talk to you that way. Then i told him we were done he said " okay". Guys do you think am overreacting?

Ps we are attending different colleges right now.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2011):

I feel if he truely loved you. He would treat you disrespectfuly or go out to movies with other girls if I did that to my gf our relationship would be very short term

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011):

He's immature and selfish. Let alone seems to come from a home where Narcissitic traits are A Okay. That a man should do his thing but a woman is subserviant and to be disrespected.

I say dump him. He can't even be reasoned with.

The thing about chosing a worthy companion is that his ACTIONS and WORDS should align. In his case, they don't.

He does not show you love. Is he even capable?

You staying with him and putting up with it enables his poor behaviours and he is AWARE/KNOWS it. So why he doesn't have to put forth effort to change.

Dump Him ASAP.

As soon as a guys true colours start showing- ditch him FAST!

He's an uncaring, self absorbed Jerk.

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