A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been on a rollercoaster with my boyfriend of 16 for the past nine months. We've had our highs and lows, happy moments and definatley the sad..Sorry this is long.. but bear with me.Our relationship started out long distant, phone calls were all we had, but it grew from there. Eventually he came into my home town to visit me, he stayed for about a month and then left. This is when our relationship fell apart.After that, the trust was all gone. We argued more days then we laughed. We broke up, got back together.. and it was like for a good six months. At the end of the road.. I was truly exhausted. I was beat down and all I wanted to do was lay in bed. I was ready to give up in the relationship I fought so hard for.. he didn't really fight as hard though.But then he moved back permantley in June. I fell in love all over again. I remembered why I fought so hard to stay in our relationship.. I remembered what about him made me so happy, then it all started all over again.. when he cheated on me.I was done, I threw the towel in. I was NOT going to tolerate that, but as the days grew into weeks.. I was longing for him. He called me, we agreed to meet and we got back together. Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant.Ever since then, it's been a whirl wind. Did I mention, he gets high everyday? and drinks on the weekends? I've even heard of him doing coke.. which he won't admit to me.None of this bothered me until I found out I was pregnant, now it's a constant issue and basically the reason we fight.I don't know what to do anymore. He is controlling, selfish.. and I told him I had a Uti and I couldn't have sex with him.. He got mad at me so I left his house in anger, he rang up my telephone and told me I didn't care about him.Everytime I walk away.. he makes me mountains of promises to change. I love him so much and I know he loves me, but I know he won't change unless HE wants too, not just because I want too..I don't know what makes him act this way. Why does he only love me when I walk away? and how do I make him love me always? and what if I can't.. then how do I walk away and never look back?
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female
reader, lah mouw  +, writes (17 August 2009):
 First things first, you're right, he's not going to change unless HE wants to, and with that you CANNOT make him love you. At this point you're in an unhealthy relationship with this guy which seems to be causing you both a lot of turmoil. You have to be in a healthy environment for that baby. He just doesn't seem supportive or mature enough for what's coming along. At what cost will it take you to realize that you shouldn't be with this guy? You two may love each other but that doesn't mean you should be together. It seems like you like the idea of being with him than actually being with him. Everyone wants to be love and to love, right? By no means do you have to settle for this. And of course you don't have to take my advice because in the end you still have to decide what's best for you. Of course it's hard to leave someone but like most things it really just takes time to heal and get over. It hurts but it gets better. You have to go through the benefits and the consequences (if any) that you'll have if you stay with him or leave him.
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