A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I am really frustrated right now. I am a college sophomore and there is a guy that I met during my freshman year who I really began to like. He was in my chemistry lecture first semester, so I decided to randomly introduce myself to him and we hit it off. He started visiting my dorm all the time and texting me a lot, and he was really flirty. The problem, however, was me. I was having a lot of trouble adjusting to college and I was struggling a lot in my classes, so I didn't really convey the level of interest that I really had in him. I flirted back to some degree, but I held back quite a lot (and aside from being distracted by other things, I also don't have much experience with guys so my flirting was probably a bit "rocky"). So naturally, he lost a bit of interest and ended up meeting another girl/going into a relationship with her second semester. I obviously backed off at this point. We still talked occasionally as friends, but I never attempted to cross any lines because I knew he was off-limits and I respected that. Well, it turns out that they broke up in the middle of the summer. So when the school year started (and this was about two months after they broke up), I figured that I would give it another shot before I lost another chance. At first, things seemed to be going well. He started being really flirty again, so I tried to actually "respond" this time. In lab (he is my partner), he started acting really flirty as well (i.e. playing footsie with me or kicking my foot to get my attention, sitting or standing as close as possible to me and resting his arm on mine, making faces at me to try to get me to laugh, constantly looking at me/making super intense eye contact, etc.). One time I saw him randomly and he invited me to see his apartment, so we talked for a bit in his room and he would not break eye contact with me at all. And he gave me several hugs (apparently because he was happy to see me) even though I was only there for twenty minutes or so...and they were pretty close, full-body, back rubbing type hugs. Plus a kiss on the cheek. I would've stayed longer to see if that was going to go anywhere, but I had a class. So I did think that things were going well.The big problem, though, is that for the past few weeks he has not contacted me outside of lab at all. He still acts the way he has been acting while in lab, but then I don't hear from him between class. And I really don't know why. I find it hard to believe that I could completely mistake him being interested 100% but I don't know. I did hear from someone that he made a general statement about not wanting to be in a relationship this semester due to his last break-up, but still. I'd hate to think that I lost my chance a while ago and have been wasting my time, or have been lead on, but that's what it seems like. Help? Thank you!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): Have you tried contacting him and asking him to do something with you? You two could go to a university event together, to get coffee, or have a one-on-one study session at your place.
Don't solely rely on him to contact you and make plans with you. If he's still flirting in class, he's probably interested.
As for the part about him possibly not wanting a relationship right now, if you didn't hear it directly from his mouth, why take any stock in that at all? Keep hanging out with him, getting to know him and flirting with him. And by all means, be a little gutsy and come up with fun plans for you two.
Best of luck!
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