A
female
age
41-50,
*ESSA25
writes:Question;I have recently moved in with my boyfriend, we have been together for 10 months prior to this. I have one child who is 3 and he has two children, one is seven and one is 3 (2 weeks younger than my little one.) We have his children at weekends and he visits his twice a week at their house aswell. However, the issue lies in the different way in which he treats my child and his own. He is extremely strict with my little boy, any little thing he does wrong, he will get told off for. (He never hits him though, none of us believes in that.) However when his children come and stay they are insolent, they jump on chairs, shout and scream and arent very polite at all. He doesnt discipline them, and as they're not my children I dont know what to do. Ive tried suggesting that he tell them off, and I point out when they are doing something ridiculous but to no avail. I know he feels guilty about not seeing them, but when they do come round he does nothing and leaves it all to me. His relationship with his ex girlfriend is very volatile. He owns the house that she and his two children are living in. But they dispise each other. We only live round the corner, and I always say to him pick the kids up and bring them here, but he wont he insists on going round there, and having arguments with her. I just dont understand why, and I dont know what to do about it. They have been broken up for over 2 years! Please help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Asked Angel +, writes (26 November 2008):
 Two years after being in a serious relationship (which i assume your partner was as he has two children with his ex) is not along time. There may well still be some unresolved issues between them.
Your partner probabley want's to be the good parent not always telling his children off. It's very hard being a step parent and he might not relise he is being so harsh on your little boy.
The only thing i can suggest is talking to your partner about you picking up and taking the kids back all the time. Would his ex be agreeable to this.
This would stop your partner being upset and stop the children being upset (this may be causing the bad behaviour).
Children are very sensative and if there are tensions they will work this out and may be playing their parents off against each other.
I would suggest talking to your partner about how you can make things better for all of you.
Explain that you understand how hard things are for him and that you only want to help.
good luck xx
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