A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend sometimes lies about watching porn. Sometimes he doesn't but sometimes he does. Like I came up to the room and the door was locked and he just said he was cold and locked the door (I know he was masturbating though for sure so I'm not sure why he lies!) He doesn;t watch all that much (maybe 5 minutes of it every second day to masturbate and relax as he has a high sex drive). It doesn't really affect our sex life.Why does he lie? I hate lying and he knows that! But I think he does it in case he might get in trouble or soemthing.Should I worry?
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porn, sex drive, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 July 2015):
 Oh Gawd, men are NO more "visual" than women nor do they NEED porn more than women.
It's a choice. Some use it because it's "instant VISUAL gratification" rather than use their imagination.
I agree with the other ladies who say "men are more visual" is such trite bull-crap.
As for why the OP's Bf lies about masturbating? Because he doesn't want to SHARE that part with you. It's his own little private and personal moment.
Some times people get horny and wants a quick release (aka masturbation) they don't want to either bother their partner, or make the EXTRA effort in involving the partner - they JUST want a quick rub out. Women do this too.
As for the anon male comparing porn to romance novels? Are you high? or just ignorant?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2015): I am a woman and I don't like romance novels. Neither my mother sisters nor any of my friends like romance novels . Romance novels do not demean men on camera for women to get off to. They do not infiltrate our everyday media . I'm yet to hear that the majority of romance novels include men being spat on and called names . Poor comparison
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2015): He's probably worries you will do what most women do... Go way too crazy over what for men is just a way to grease the wheels when masturbating.
Just let it go.
It may be a cliche that men like to watch porn more than read some crappy romance novel that women seem to enjoy, but it is true. It's just the way our brains work.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2015): I think he's embarrassedAnd as I side note, if I hear that crap about men being visual (as if women are not) one more time I'll scream. As Ciar says 'anyone with eyes is visual'
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (1 July 2015):
 Anyone who has eyes and can see is a visual creature, but I agree with the point that this is just some alone/private time he wants.
He might be secretive because he's somewhat self conscious about it and you putting a spotlight on it makes him more uncomfortable. And yes, you ARE making a fuss of it when you question him, try to talk about it and reassure him he can be honest when he does it. If it's really not a big deal to you then show it by saying nothing and going about your own business.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2015): Some Men like to have " alone time" and sometimes this takes the form of masturbation. It's normal and natural for a man to do this and maybe he just feels like it's his way of "relaxing" or "de-stressing". Men are visual creatures and get turned on over seeing things in action, and I guess porn helps as he can watch a fantasy and quickly pleasure himself, without telling anyone or getting into sex or foreplay(quick solution and no effort involved!)It doesn't mean he doesn't like you or find you attractive, it's just something men like to do and keep private because I guess they don't see it as a big deal or it's not really anything bad in his eyes. Do you want him to tell you everytime he masturbates? Men do this all the time from what I have experienced, in the shower, when they are homealone, when they are away from home. It's a personal thing which people like to keep their own dirty little secret. I do it too , to porn, and I'm a woman. I don't tell my boyfriend as I don't want him to know what I do alone and I have no need to tell him, it wouldn't change anything . I just want quick relief and to feel good. As long as he isn't spending hours and hours on his own and off sex completely then it's not an issue :)
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