A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I ran across some pictures of my current fiancee's ex-girlfriend. She cheated on him, broke his heart -- you know the story. The breakup was big. These pictures were, how do I say, 'clothing optional'. We've been together for quite some time and she's been out of the picture. Still, it makes me wonder why does he keep them around? I had a talk with him and asked if he had anything like that, and if so, could he please get rid of them. He said that he 'just hadn't gotten around to it yet' and would soon. Thing is, it's been quite a long time and they're still there. To make it worse. She has a much nicer body than I do. (She was a model.) I keep thinking about them and just feeling horribly insecure. If he loves me as much as he says, why does he keep those? I can understand it really may be he just hasn't bothered yet. But it makes me wonder, all the times that he's calling me a goddess and raving about how beautiful I am, is he secretly thinking of her? How do I make myself stop obsessing about this, and how do I give him the hint that the pictures need to go? I love him to bits and back and I don't want this to break us apart. HELP!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): I was in this exact situation. He did not rid himself of the pictures until after we were married & I was pregnant. THEN he proceeded for years to tell me all about these women. I has changed how I view myself, my confidence-as these women were dancer/stripper/models-tall. (one was ms bikini america & all over the internet) I am 5'5 have had 3 kids. My self esteem is in the toilet. He now apologizes, but it will never make a difference. Get him straight NOW! If you are the woman of his dreams, the pictures and keeping them say otherwise.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2007): My Dad says don't give men so much credit, they are more clueless than anyone would like to admit. If he is anything like my Ex BF, he could be clueless and his great ability to forget only adds to your anguish.I agree with saying that him saying I'll get around to it soon is too elusive and it could mean when he is ready to toss them out-could be 10 years from now, or he lets it slip. Remember, men are clueless. *wink*Giving it a deadline is a good thing.Tell him again, I would like you to get rid of them by Friday. Just stand there after you say this. Look at him. Let him not answer, let him squirm, let him think about it. Wait, don't say anything. Just let him go ahhh...man...I'm busy...what??....wait. Eventually he will commit to doing it. Then he will REMEMBER he said he would and he WILL do it.I'm not kidding.Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (27 July 2007):
 Well, the pictures could just magically disappear, and end up say, in the shredder, or trashcan down the street, ripped into little pieces. You've asked him nicely to remove them, and he's done nothing about it. I'd throw the damn things away if it were me, and act like you have no idea where they went if he discovers them missing. (And p.s. if he discovers them missing, he's probably spending way too much time looking at them anyhow, so they really needed to go away.) And guess what? If he loves you, he'll get over it. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2007): I think your fiance still has feelings for his ex..the question is,hw r u goin to find out about that? I think u need 2 ask him...if he still has feelings for his ex..gudluck.
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A
male
reader, jmpirie  +, writes (26 July 2007):
 There is likely some truth to his claim that he just hasn't gotten around to it yet. Such things are far more important to men than they are to women. He needs to learn, however, that what is important to you must be important to him.Is he looking at them often? Does he keep them in his bed-side table? If so, listen to your gut.I would doubt very much that he is thinking of her while he calls you beautiful for if he were, you would know. Don't deny your gut. How does he look at you? How does he touch you? How does he talk to you and about you? Such things cannot be faked. You will know. Don't let your thoughts chase you away.All this being said you must remain assertive on your need to have the pictures gone. He will likely be defensive about anything you say so be careful and considerate. Perhaps give him a timeline. Something like "I am not comfortable with you having those pictures around. I am not saying that you have ill-intentions just that I am not comfortable with it. I need them gone by Friday. Should you find more in the future, please just dispose of them".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2007): I have been in a similar situation although I haven't been with the man as long as you. My boyfriend has pictures and messages sent by girls on his phone. I haven't found any others though I'm sure I would if I looked hard enough. I have discussed this with many of my friends who all say that the same has happened to them to some degree. Our conclusion, it's all about ego, by keeping these images he can remind himself of how 'hot' other women find him. We all have collections of cards, photos and items which remind us of past relationships. The point is he isn't cheating on you and although these images are upsetting to you they are actually harmless. If you feel it necessary tell him you know about them, tell him how it makes you feel and ask him to get rid of them. Or do as I am and try not to dig for dirt because if you do you're bound to find it!
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