A
male
age
51-59,
*wilo
writes:Hi! I am a 41 year old single gay male and about 3 months ago I met an amazing guy (37yrs) and we hit it off right away. He was in a long term relationship with a women for 3 years and with guy before that. All aspects of our relationship is excellent and we are taking it slow...except he seems to resist and be uncomfortable with intimacy (kissing, hugging, holding hands, and sometimes sex) which makes me feel rejected and confused. I have asked him to be more affectionate towards me and he says he will be it doesn't seem to change. I keep thinking he doesn't like me but he insists he does. I don't have any idea what to do especially when we have such a great relationship in the other areas. Any thoughts would be appreciated! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): Where does he find the time for a long term relationship and you?
This guy needs to find out what he really wants to make him happy. It seems as if he's more comfortable in his situations mentioned however, feel guilty. He may be thinking thru on how he's going to tell one of you on what his decision is.
Nonetheless, he needs to figure out what he wants instead of leading both situations on. Feelings will get hurt either way it goes.
A
male
reader, twilo +, writes (6 March 2007):
twilo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your insight and kind words! It is extremely helpful.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (6 March 2007):
 Hey sweetness,
It sounds to me like this guy isn't 100% comfortable with his relationship with a man again. If he's just gotten out of a 3 year relationship with a woman, it might be a little hard for him to return back to men. Emotionally, he's feeling really good with you, but he still needs to ease back into the physical side of things...
This makes sense to me, and I think you're doing the right thing in taking it slow. It seems like he's not 100% sure of his sexuality either. Sounds like he's had a confusing past, in terms of relationships. He's shown that he can be close with a woman and he can be close to a man and maybe he's just having trouble figuring out which he's more comfortable with. Bisexuality for men can be pretty tricky, and a lot of them feel like they have to choose a side.
3 months isn't a horribly long time and I think if you give him room to get comfortable with you, in a few more months things should start to pick up physically. If in a few more months he's still uncomfortable, that might be a sign that he's still a little antsy about being with men.
You sound like a great guy. I'm sure this guy genuinely likes you, it sounds like he does... but it can be hard going from being intimate with a woman to being intimate with a man. Especially after being with a woman for so long!
Give him time, sweetness. Good luck!
xxIndia
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