A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my boyfriend for 7 years lived together for 6 and half years. For a long time now he has been ignoring me and i have felt pushed away and unloved. he has said he feels that i dont love him anymore and says i am pushing him away because i never give him space. However he is always working and away from me so i dont quite understand how he feels crowded when i feel that i never see him. lately he has been very sneaky with his phone and i found out today he has been texting a girl from work behing my back. He said it was innocent and he just needed a friend to talk to, and to talk to a girl who didnt crowd him. I'm upset about this as he has done this before. i do believe nothing has happened but i asked him to stop talking to this girl and he said he wouldn't. I explain that everytime i call him and it is engaged I'm going to think he is out talking to her and i cant deal with feeling like that but he still said he is going to talk to her. I said he has other friend to talk to but he said talking to her was different. i said thats what i mean but then he back tracked and said he didnt mean this. What should i do? he has recently quit hes job as we are moving away why does staying in touch with this girl mean more to him than my feeling?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2014): first of I know this is extremely upsetting and it is ok to cry, but really you need to stop crying infront of him.. of course he is going to think your guilt tripping him .. that's his defence remark so he doesn't feel badly about what he is doing .secondly if your are sexually intimate with him .. stop !!!if he doesn't know what he wants then having sex is a no no.. Tell him great you are looking forward to getting away for the summer, start spending some time apart .. make him miss you .. make him chase you... the more you beg and plead and cry he has the upper hand he has all the cards ... don't let him ..Im confused about how he talking about marriage and kids and yet he isn't stopping talking to this other female .. that to me smells like BS .. he is saying if only you wanted this if only you wanted that.. and it isn't the case.. being nonsubjective on the situation if it were me I would walk .. while saying to him .. good luck as whomever gets him that's what they need .. but I'm not emotional involved sweetie so its much easier..I.m not saying give up on him as this is your relationship, but start taking a step back .. stop the sex.. start going out with friends and give guys chat you up, hell let them, infact being flirty and friendly see how he likes it.. I mean there only friends right??? Give him something to worry about, its always true we only miss the well, when the water drys out.. be prepared that this might be over.. but stand tall.. if he doesn't want you then that's his loss not yours..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2014): i did take the advice offered and we said that we both arent getting the kind of affection that we want and we will work on it. I thought about it and i do love him its breaking my heart to think that we are not going to be together not because im afraid to be alone but because i know i would miss him too much. There is more to the story we are meant to be leaving in 2 days to move to another country to work for the summer. he said we will work on it and this will make us or break us but im worried about this. i have asked him today and he said he is still unsure what he wants, i was crying and he stoped talking as he said i was guilting him but i said i wasnt afraid to be alone i just knew it would break my heart if it was over. he says he still loves me and will always love me but i feel that even if things did get better, that he wouldnt be sure that this is what he really wanted. he has always had wanted a kid and said that if we did it would be different. I have said in the past that im not ready but once i had done more things in life i would be. I have explained that i dont want to have a kid now as i dont want to have a kid with someone i wasnt sure loved me and put myself in that bad position. I would rather we were better and he asked me to marry him, not to be marryed, but just more of a promised that he is in this. Im very scared and upset.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (13 May 2014):
It sounds to me too like this relationship is over. If things are truly innocent, I don't really blame him for refusing to stop talking with her. However, considering the state of your relationship, it's probably not totally innocent.
Honeypie's advice about figuring out why you're still with him is a good idea. If you're only with him out of habit but you're not happy and haven't been for awhile, then why are you with him?
Or, you can just accept that he's not going to stop talking to her because he thinks he's not doing anything wrong. Sometimes you don't get your way, that's life.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 May 2014):
 I would sit down and figure out If he is actually telling the truth (as he sees it) that you no longer love him.
I think you are both doing things to each other instead of SOLVING the central issue, which might be.. THAT the relationship has run it's course.
I get that he wants to talk to other people and TALKING should be fine, now if he is SHARING relationship problems with a FEMALE work colleague instead of sharing/talking with you - it's a problem. IF the chats are of a emotional or sexual level - it's a problem.
So SIT down BY yourself and figure out WHY you are still with him. WHAT you need from HIM to continue to stay together, what HE needs to "give back" in order to help work on the relationship and ASK him what he needs from you.
If you both want to work on it and stay together then WORK on it. Don't let other things determine whether you can make it work or not. Such as other people.
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