A
female
age
,
*reywise
writes:Six of you kindly replied to my question dated 31st july 2009 about my cheating husband, while i write this my so called loving husband is in bed with the woman who has caused most of my problems. I thought i was just being paranoid about his attitiude towards me being slightly colder, he called me this afternoon and informed me he was going to see this woman tonight my world fell apart again after his promises of not taking her calls and texts they have been in contact again for the last month. He says he has to sort himself out and i should not try controlling him, i never did i always let him have the freedom he wanted thats where i went wrong, he says he is not leaving me for her but if i pressurize him into stop seeing her he will come back because of this and not because he wants too. I have tried talking to her reasonably but she says she always gets what she wants and she wants my husband and i should let go. I am crying as i write this asking what i have done to deserve this, my youngest (10) is distraught that her daddy could do this again. he says he is not leaving me for her but i cannot find it in myself to allow the one i love to spend 1 night a week in another woman's bed, he says i am his wife and he will always love me, he says he has no intention of moving in with her, settling down or having another family but im 45 years old and this woman is 32, my husband is 49. what hope do i have? i cant compete, he has 3 affairs during our 23 years together but this one has been going on and off now for 28 months. I love him so much but i feel as though i just cant go on no more, tomorrow he expects me to carry on as though he was not with her tonight and play happy families until he visits her again, what can i do
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female
reader, babymama99  +, writes (5 August 2009):
 Glad to hear it sister!!
You're not going to take it anymore! Good Job.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (5 August 2009):
 Good for you! :D
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A
female
reader, greywise +, writes (5 August 2009):
greywise is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for all your kind thoughts, im still in limbo but feeling better by the day, guess what as i said he did stay overnight with that woman, but i didnt call or text him begging and crying like i done in the past i let him get on with it, and at 7 the following morning he was calling my cell, telling me this was all his fault and that i was not to blame told him not to bother, he also had the cheek to ask if he could come over i told him no its the school holidays and he wants to have my 10 year old but after all this she will not go to him. i told him he humiliated me and is disrespectful and i deserve better. once again he was calling me last night telling me he loves me and doesnt love her and he doesnt know if he can live without me and our girls told him only he can find that out and in the meantime we are getting on with our lives. dont get me wrong i do love him but im not prepared to be his doormat no more. i need love cuddles and friendship and faithfullness and if he cant provide time to move on and find someone who can
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): Tell him to get out of your life. Why are you allowing this? only you can upset his applecart. He wont change unless you do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): really if you allow this to continue he will happily go along with it.PACK HIS STUFF AND KICK HIM OUT. no matter how you feel about him, you have to make a stand.he is showing no respect for you at all,show him that you have lost all for him.sitting and wishing it was different will do nothing, make the changes, upset his little sick world.let him go to her.they wont last.my mother was in your situation, but she was 53.she tried to accept it but it wore her down even more.in the end she told him not to come back.he lasted three months with the other woman and then came crawling back. its no fun once all they have is each other.she never took him back and now she is happy with someone else, whilst he is siiting lonely in a flat.please please please just get rid. i promise you will be laughing in the end.go on you know what needs to be done. take a deep breath and decide that today is the start of your better life.this man is not worthy of you, he is a cockroach.also if he has had three affairs and stayed with you that tells you he does not want to leave otherwise he would have by now. he just wants extras. make him leave. he is the one that has alot to lose.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (4 August 2009):
I think you need a trial separation at least. He is doing this because you have shown that you will not hold him accountable for his actions, yet his actions are not those of a loving husband. He is breaking your heart and disrespecting all that you've built together. You shouldn't have to compete with anyone else since he vowed to forsake all others.
It's time to make a plan to get out or put him out. Either tell him he can't come home or you take your children and move out. Talk to a lawyer about your options and start seeing a counselor for yourself. Now is the time to take control of your life and stop this man from stomping all over your heart and self respect.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (4 August 2009):
I will tell you why this keeps happening because he knows you are going anywhere and he can do whatever he feels. He called you and told you I am not coming home I am going to her house.
How much disrespect can you take before you pick your face up off the floor and say this is enough. You are his doormat and he is stomping your ass right now. You need to get angry and hold him accountable for his actions he care nothing for you or your kids or he wouldn't be doing this period. Why are you blaming her she is just doing it because she can and she probably doesn't expect anything from him so it is a win win. I am very upset right now because it is one thing to not know what someone is doing but you know and you are continuing to let this piece of crap man do what he wants. Maybe you have been to submissive with him and this is why he is running around on you. Dont get me wrong honey I am not saying this is all your fault but dam what is it going to take for you to get some self respect and kick his sorry ass to the curb. What kind of example are you setting for your children, you better wake up and wake up now before he moves some trash into your home for good and you be a guest in your own house. Wake the hell up Girl.
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A
male
reader, wherestheinstructions? +, writes (4 August 2009):
You haven't done anything to deserve this, and judging by his total contempt for your feelings, he has done nothing to deserve you.
You say he has already had three previous affairs (at least three that you are aware of?), so he's a serial offender.
You won't change him and he will continue to hurt you for as long as you let him, because he knows that he can.
For yourself and your children, you need to make the bravest decision of your life and leave him, knowing that you have a clear conscience.
Call on every support base you have, whether family,friends, church, local services,etc., and build a new life for yourself.
Regain your confidence, control and self-respect and leave him to rot with the floozies he seems to like so much.
You CAN do it - you don't need his permission.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, babymama99 +, writes (4 August 2009):
I'm not really sure what to say. I replied to your last question and advised for you to divorce him. I still say the same thing. I really feel bad for you. You will never be happy with your life until this guy is completely gone from it.
He is only doing this because he knows that there are no consequences for him. He knows that you are not going to leave him. He has emotionally abused you to the point that you have nothing left to fight with. I beg you to find strenght from deep within to walk away from this torture that you are in.
If you can't find the strength to do it for yourself do it for your child. She should not see her father doing this to her mother, and she should not see her mother being being emotionally beaten like this. This could cause life long problems for her.
Tell this woman that she can have him because he is not worth the dirt I rub off the bottom of my shoe. He will do the same thing to her, without a doubt.
You said you love him so much. I think you love the idea, this man has got you so twisted that you don't know which way is up. He say's he needs to sort himself out, well I think its time you sorted yourself out, and realized that you are made of stronger stuff than this. You are strong and you can kick this abusive, womanizer to the curb and find some one who is going to kiss the ground you walk on.
He thinks he can just sleep with another woman, not behind your back but in your face - he has the nerve to call you and tell you his plans and then expects you to still be there waiting for him to drag his nasty behind back home.
Please don't let him do this. When he comes home tell him that you have finally come to the conclusion that you can do better all by yourself. Tell him to go right back where he came from last night and not to darken your doorstep again. and then seek a divorce!
I really feel for you and I hope this all works out for you and your children.
Please let us know how things go. And Please, please don't continue to be his victum.
If you need help getting out call an abuse hotline for abused women. He may not be physically beating you but this is emotional abuse and can be more damaging that physical abuse because it plays with the most central point of all of us - the mind.
YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): I know this must be very painful for you,but as much as you love him please please dont let him continue to disrespect and hurt you so much he is nothing but cold and cruel and does not care how much he is destroying you as he feels no shame or guilt in letting you know he is sleeping with another woman he is blackmailing you emotionaly with threats and knows his mistress told you she wants your husband and to let him go he is having his cake and eating it end this marriage before it cripples you no man is worth what he is putting you and his children through you can move on from this you deserve better and to be loved
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