A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi :)Here to ask for advice about my boyfriend. We've been together for about a year, but there are so many problems. I believe he is overall a caring guy but we go through patches where he is nothing but unfair to me.A few examples of things he has done:- Told personal sexual things I asked him not to tell anyone to his best friend. (they were quite embarrassing)- Lied to me, over small things. I.e about where he is; even when he is in completely innocent places. - He also lies to me when he thinks he will get in 'trouble'. I asked him about something from his past he told me when drunk, which he then denied - but later admitted.- Broken promises.- Overslept and not turned up to meet me (on a large number of occasions, including when I brought him theatre tickets he wanted)- I wanted to talk about some issues in our relationship, he got angry, told me to go away and went to bed.The part that worries me the most is the lying. Normally its obvious, but i still have to press him to tell the truth. It always makes me wonder what else he can lie about? Despite it currently only being small things. When he lied to me about his past, It wasnt something horrible, but i wanted to make clear of the situation as he told me when drunk. I just dont understand him :SWhen I talk to him about it, he seems so sorry. He tells me he's sorry for being a bad boyfriend. I care about him so much. But will he ever change? Or is he just a bit immature and will hopefully grow out of it?All replies are appreciated :)
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 December 2010):
 There's a big difference between telling a random person a white lie to cover up an intimate or embarrassing situation, and telling your girlfriend of one year white lies all the time. In any serious relationship you are honest and show your trust to the other person. If the guy has stomach issues that delays him every time they are to meet up, he should eventually tell her about his troubles so she could be understanding. If he keeps it hidden it just shows that's how he likes to keep things.. to himself. And exclude her. Keep her in the shadows. And don't forget this isn't a one time thing. It's a continuous problem, something that suggest he has a bad habit out of lying to the one person he really needs to be honest with!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): If they're innocent white lies, I don't see the major harm. I tell them all the time as well. For instance, if I'm running late because I had to use the bathroom...for an extend period of time...I'm not going to be straight about it to the person I'm meeting - that's just setting up for an awkward situation! "Hey where were you?" "Taking a dump, problem?"
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): I don't think that you should be with a guy who cannot seem to commit and who feels the need to lie all the time. He also should not have betrayed your trust.
This wouldn't be as big an issue if he was willing to talk about it, but as he is not i doubt he will change. Being with a guy on the hopes that he will change is bound to end in disaster and while i know that this is going to be hard for you as you still have feelings for him, breaking up with him will probably be the easiest thing to do in the long run.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (18 December 2010):
No he wont change. And you know why? Because you accept this behaviour from him. The only way he can ever change is once you dump him, and the next girl dumps him over his lying, and then he'll see that no girl with respect for herself will put up with such immaturity and lack of respect. Because that is truly what lying is, it's him showing his lack of respect for you. And I am afraid that respect will not come with the years, rather he will grow into worse habits. And this primarily because he sees that even though he acts like a jerk and a liar you still stick around. He sees he can get away with it. So why would he bother to change. As I have experienced, it takes about a year for you to see the other person for who they really are. You are now at that 1 year mark, and as your first sentence stated there are already so many problems. The problems will not go away, and he most definitely will not "grow out of it", not for as long as you accept this behaviour from him by staying with him. And of course he seems so sorry about it all in the end... But that hasn't ever meant he wanted to DO anything about it, has it? He keeps making the same moves over and over... then how sorry is he truly? He's sorry you found out about his lies thats all, he's clearly not sorry for telling them. Look you're young. Why waste time with this?
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