A
male
age
36-40,
*jekim
writes:So what should I do about my terrible luck with girls? Why does every girl I like or show interest in chose not to date, too busy, or just want to be friends.For example there was a shop I worked at, girl A would come by everyday, never bought anything, just hung out and talked to me. All the time. My friends convinced me to finally ask her out. She said she just like me as a friends a I was a great guy but didn't see me that way. I found out later she had a bf but was just hanging out with me to pass the timeGirl B I met online. We had 2 dates, second date was a hardcore make out session. After I find out she has a bf and is in a "open relationship". I kinda let it be, when she said she only wanted to be friends, and just like how "great" I was. So I just left her alone. Then out of the blue she sends me texts saying she's horny and she wants me. We flirt a little, the 2 days later I text her saying I'm thinking of her and I totally want her. She gets mad and says she dosent want to be treated like a piece of meat. Im not contacting her ever againGirl C was a regular customer at my store, and we had so much in common. (How many girls love giant monster and horror movies lol) and we started hanging out, nothing serious at all. We would watch cartoons together over Skype and text all the time. We went to the movies and had an absolutely great time and I realize, holy cow, I think I really REALLY like this girl. Afterwards I get home and we are texting and I ask her was she seeing anyone, she says No, but actually broke up with her last bf pretty recently, and still need some time to figure stuff out. Plus She is going to Japan at the end of this month and is gonna be gone for 4 months, so I didnt really want to start anything and then just leave for that long. I was so embarrassed I apologized, she said it was okay. I didn't text her the next day and she texted me to see how I was. I apologized one last time and didn't want her to think I was just being friends to try and date her. She said she didn't think so, but thanked me for telling her. Now everything is back to usual, we are still hanging out and watching movies and stuff over Skype. But I still really like her, so much. But I don't think she feels the same :/So what am I doing wrong, I'm almost 28 and never had a Girlfriend, or gone on a 3rd date :(. Why does every girl I like only want to be friends, what's wrong with me?
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broke up, flirt, horny, met online, never had a girlfriend, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (12 March 2015):
You've already gotten great advice, so I don't need to add much.
But maybe this - it's mathematical, but it helped me:
Statistically, for an average man, you need to date 9 or 10 women in order to find 1 compatible woman that you can start a relationship with (I got this number from the book "men are from mars, women are from venus"). My statistical quote (I calculated from my 32 years of life experience) is somewhat lower due to online dating and low selectivity. So I found out that only 1 out of 20 people I date is compatible with me. When I chose the men I date more selectively, which means meeting them in real life instead of online dating, my quote is also about 1 to 10.
Ok, what can you conclude about this? If you only date women A, B and C and it goes wrong, statistically speaking it's normal and not bad luck. If you date 30 women and you find no partner, THEN that's bad luck or lack of skill.
Dating is a numbers game, so it's a waste of time to hang around women who are 1) in a relationship or 2) say they only want to be friends. It's bad to let those women break your heart and take away the energy you need to continue dating. Just cut them out of your life, immediately, and instead look for someone who is available. Unless you want to end up with 20 female "friends" and no girlfriend.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2015): Your problem is you are not being aggressive enough. I especially noticed that when you said you asked the 3rd girl if she had a boyfriend and after she explained herself you apologized profusely because you didn't want her to get the wrong idea. Then apologized again the next day. You've got to stop apologizing. You have nothing to feel sorry about. If you like a girl and want to go out with her as MORE than friends, don't apologize because you feel that way. And sometimes you have to be a little more pushy and less introverted. Show less interest in watching cartoons and more interest in getting with the girl, if you catch my drift. It's great that you have these interests. But to get with a girl you have to show interest in things girls like too. Rather than watch cartoons together why don't you suggest doing something a little more sexy. Put your hobbies and interests to the side and do things that turn a girl on. Maybe have her over, get a bottle of wine, listen to a good record, talk about HER. Don't talk about cartoons or horror movies. Talk about other stuff that might appeal to her more. Topics that are more sensual. When you talk about yourself, present yourself in a light that makes you sound sexy. Tell her about a sport you played. About a good job you have. About an awesome trip you took or plan to take. Make yourself appealing. It's all a game. You gotta learn how to play it.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (11 March 2015):
 Aw man you have had a run of bad luck. Don't blame yourself, I think life just isn't fair to some people. But don't be disheartened. You sound to be doing the right things. Girls obviously enjoy your company, it's just unfortunate you've not met a girl who is available yet. I suggest keep doing what you are doing, hang out with girls. Try to go out with more friends as much as possible and you might meet the right girl for you.
Don't lose hope. Keep doing your thing, stay open to love and I really hope you meet a nice girl who likes you the same way back. I am in the same place as you. Been single for 3 years and only had awkward non starters of relationships. It sucks, and it's not fair when everyone around you seems to be happily coupled up. But that's just life. Keep working on being the best version of you and being happy. That way you will come across as a more attractive guy. When you are in a good place, then you have more change of hitting it off. Love is a combination of right place, right time, right attitude and right person. Work on what you have power to control. You can't change whether the girl is single or going to Japan, but you can keep a good attitude and keep going to the right places to meet the right possible new girlfriends.
Good luck dude :)
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (11 March 2015):
 Looks like a short string of bad luck to me. The only thing I would recommend is that you close the deal sooner. Most of these girls have used you. You need to cut that short. Ask for a low commitment date early. Coffee and chat is all you need. Then if they have other attachments or issues you simply say I'm interested in you, but I need to move on to someone who can make a bigger commitment to me. Then when they come into the store limit your time with them.
Girl A is a flirt and likes to play. if you cut her short the first time you could have met a-2, a-2 and a-3 while she was wasting your time.
Girl B should have given you full disclosure including meeting her BF before any kissing started. And, she treated you like a piece of meat. Avoid open relationships, they are dangerous and not what you want.
Girl C is overly cautious and may be back after her tour. Asking her to coffee would have got you the whole story the first week.
Last thing. Be mysterious, don't tell everything. Keep a bit of an edge on all the time. You're not a total Nice guy, but you have nice guy tendencies. A little edge will get you more attention. Don't always be available.
FA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2015): Relationships don't just happen, well generally the ones that are going to last don't happen after 2 dates. You need to build a friendship, my husband and I got to know each other as friends and then dated and are now married. I think you might be expecting a bit too much too soon? Just be patient and spend time with a girl who really interests you, and you both get along and it could develop into more.
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