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Why does an ex (first love) make things so complicated?

Tagged as: Breaking up, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 November 2010) 1 Answers - (Newest, 20 March 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I am still in love with my ex. We were dating for a couple of years and he was MY first Ever Love. He got my name tattooed on his arm and always told me loved me. Then one day my friend tells me he no longer wants to go out with me. I was devasted I asked him how could he go from saying I love you one day to say no actually i don't. we were young at the time and I dont know wether he felt encouraged by his friends to break up with me as he may of though he would be Missing out on his childhood years. Everybody around me was shocked at the time he had broken up with me and even they stated didnt even know he was thinking about it.

After we broke up I had found out he got off with one my best friends. I was furious so I decided I cut my self out their lives as it wasn't worth the heatache.

About eight months later he rings me asking how I am and that he had heard that I had been saying things about him. I explained I would of never of done anything like that and anyway I didnt mention to anyone that I knew him as I didnt always want to be known as his EX.

He was MY first love and it has now been 12 years and I still find myself thinking about him. I suspose it because I had no closure. I did contact him after 4 years later to say hi and get some closure but i kind of just froze and probably appeared quite vague as nerves and that voice in my head going what are you doing ?. He did seem interested as I only called him once and he was the one that called me the couple of times after that saying we should meet up. I asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said yes. And thats when I thought I should leave things alone 'it was a long time ago and wasnt fair on the other girl for him and I to meet me'

I was wrong not see him as I never got round to asking the questions that I wanted I still LOVE him and I wish that I should of met him , But why is it that we always think the 'WHAT IF 'I mean I not carrie Bradshaw and he's not BIG.

I can conlcude to say he is now married to a girl which was also one of close friend who I fell out with after mr ex and I had split . I would of thought after all these years that he would of moved on from that circle of friends. And I thought she would of never got together with him as she knew all of our history and. I have a horrible feeling she would of slagged me off too him and it was like she was just waiting for me to turn my back on him. she knew I was stubborn as I never spoke to that same circle again,

Its like watching a spider spin it's web.

Maybe I thinking about myself too much hear 'Like I was the best thing slice bread' I should be happy for them But it is so hard. I just wish I had closure from him i know he wasnt a horrible person but he did really hurt me and suspose he would of known

I think my problem is I know in my head my TIme has gone and it probably went 12years ago and I should let things go. But I think your first love you will never get Over. I just kinda hopes he feels that way about me ' just so I can have the satisfaction. Pathetic I know. I wish there was something that would just take all the memories away.

DO you thinks its time for me to get over him? and why do you think he broke up with me?

View related questions: best friend, broke up, his ex, I love you, my ex, tattoo

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A female reader, meldana United States +, writes (20 March 2011):

When guys are a certain age they tend to be insecure about the woman they are dating. Even if it's just a rumor or if they find that people are talking they might break it off in a heartbeat.

As for getting over him, what are you doing with your life right now? Do you have a Bf or a husband? If so you need to focus on them,and try not to stalk him on FB or anything crazy like that. Their life is their life. If you really need to talk it out with him, write him one email/letter and send it to them after getting approvals from 10 of your friends/family members. (they help when you need to send an emotional letter to an ex)

From what I gather you're a strong woman and if this is what you need to move on do it.

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