A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:When i first met my GF, we weren't serious (or committed) and we had the best sex ever. Since we've gotten serious, and are now in a committed relationship, it seems the erotic, no-holds-barred type of sex has now gone out the window.We've never had a threesome before, even though she's experimented and has done it plenty of times before she was with me. When I ask her why she won't have one with me, she says she doesn't want to share me and that she "doesn't see us doing that, and that she did that with folks she wasn't that close with." My question is this: Why do women only feel like doing crazy sex with random or "casual" friends?" How do I communicate to her that I still want the "old sex days" back (I've even requested having a threesome-with someone she'd be comfortable with.) I feel a bit annoyed that she would have all this uninhibited sex with casual guys before me, but now it seems its a problem. I love her very much, so I don't want my request to come off as a threat, however I feel that she looks at me like the "straight" one, where she can't explore limitless possibilities anymore.Thoughts? Thanks and truly appreciated!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2012): "she says she doesn't want to share me"
Face it, she likes you, she wants you, and she wants you all to herself.
She's being possessive, and that is good in a LTR.
What more is there to say?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2012): "Why do women only feel like doing crazy sex with random or "casual" friends?""
As Chigirl says OP that's not all women, I only have to have a few drinks or a blazing argument with my girlfriend and she will tear me to pieces in the bedroom or we'll climb the nearest tree and have sex there.
OP you're just pissed because you want a threesome and she's not willing to share you. Well tough shit OP, she is 100% correct in everything she says about threesomes. They only work when you're single, they very literally destroy relationships because what you're asking her to do, I know for a fact you're asking for a fmf threesome, is let you cheat on her right in front of her with another girl and no the idea of her being able to fool around with another girl too is not going to be that appealing to her, would you suck off another guy in front of her and enjoy it because she wants you to enjoy it? She's telling you that would hurt her immensely because she doesn't want to share you. She has told you in no uncertain terms that it would hurt her as much as coming in one day and finding you cheating on her. That's what happens with threesomes in relationships OP.
Drop the the idea of a threesome even when both partners are okay with it, it usually fucks things up. When one partner does it just to satisfy the others fantasy it tears that person apart because they have to stand there and have their heart crushed watching their partner have sex with someone else. I've had them in relationships and I've had the spontaneous ones. I mean are you seriously suggesting that you would have no problem at all watching another guy bring her to orgasm? You would have no problem seeing her passion face directed at another guy who is taking her? Or licking her juices off another guys dick? Because that's what you're asking of her and I highly doubt you'd even consider the mfm version of a threesome yet you expect her to bring another girl into your sex life? OP she's done it, she knows what can happen. She has no curiosity to try this and she's trying to protect your relationship.
"I love her very much, so I don't want my request to come off as a threat, however I feel that she looks at me like the "straight" one, where she can't explore limitless possibilities anymore."
It's not about that at all OP. Hot and wild sex is very much a physical thing that works best when it's based purely on lust, hot, heavy passion. You've just had your sex life elevated to the status of making love, that's a far more profound feeling for most women I've been with. They don't need all the wild stuff once they have the passion of love because it feels awesome from even the slightest touch.
If you want to spice up your love life, then do some role-play, add toys to the mix, do some fun things together and completely forget about the threesome. It's not that she's not willing to be wild OP, it's that your problem is you want a threesome and she won't give it. If you keep pushing the threesome idea you will drive a wedge through you and if you actually get your wish then you will lose her completely because she will be as heartbroken as if you cheated on her OP. And basically by not letting this go you are both saying she is not enough for you and you want other women too.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2012): IMO your wife has a damaged view of sex. Dirty sex is "bad" and she doesn't want her husband to think she is bad. She did those "bad" things with people whose opinion of her was not so important.
It's a screwed up was to be. She is basically punishing you for caring about her and respecting her.
Not all women are like this. Your wife just happens to be one of the women who is.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (22 April 2012):
 My experience has been the opposite: the "crazy sex" I've had has been in long term relationships where we have grown really comfortable with each other. The short stuff has generally been vanilla, with perhaps a couple of exceptions..
It sounds like your sex life with your girlfriend has declined. Rather than comparing this to the past, look at your relationship and how you can improve it. Focus on intimacy, trust and caring for her: this is healthy for you and your sex life and is probably what your girlfriend is looking for. If she's feeling very loved then she'll probably be more willing to 'let go' with you.
Consider also the source of your desires for 'crazy' sex. Are these realistic or being driven by porn? Expecting a real woman to perform like a porn actress is demeaning as well as ultimately unfulfilling for both of you. Great sex is not about which hole you get to stick it in, but rather how emotionally in touch you can be with each other.
One last thing: threesomes almost always ruin relationships. That's one major reason people tend to have them when not in a serious relationship. The reason your girlfriend gives for not wanting to sounds reasonable and sensible.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 April 2012):
 With random people you don't bond emotionally. With you she is going to worry that you develop feelings for the other girl and leave her. You can have limitless possibilities that don't hurt your relationship. There are many things to do besides threesome. You can try BDSM, tantra, and 365 positions a year. You could try to make her squirt, try food like whip cream. Use your imagination! Is a threesome the only thing you could think of to spice it up? I had done a threesome before. If a guy I am committed to got angry that I wouldn't do a threesome with him to the point of complaining on a website, I would not fight about it or get upset, I would be very glad to let him go so he could explore as much as he could and know that it is not all that hyped up to be. But I would not take him back. Maybe you could find a woman who is into open relationships. Strictly sex and committed relationships certainly don't mix. Women do not feel that a threesome is a privilege to be given to a special few. I don't view it as some crazy thing that every man should envy doing. I think women did it to see how bi they are, very few would do it to just please the man, except for the dumb ones.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 April 2012):
 Your generalization is ridiculous. Women world wide do NOT feel like doing sexy crazy stuff with strangers only. I imagine most women would need a close and strong relationship before they feel comfortable doing anything sexually! If your theory is correct then women world wide are spreading their legs and having crazy sex with random men all the time. And with all the guys complaining about not getting laid I think it is is fair to say that: no, women in general want relationships before they have sex. So no, women do not only have crazy sex with random men.
The more probably reason for the decline in intensity is that you aren't all crazy about each other any longer. You've gotten comfortable with each other. You get to a point in a relationship where the mystery is gone and you fart in front of each other, and at this stage the sex tends to calm down and become more "vanilla".
Then again, that depends on the persons involved. I've had this happen in some relationships, whereas in others the sex was hot and wild years into it.
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