A
male
age
36-40,
*rishJester
writes:Just wanted to know people theory's why there are so many in relationships who cheat?Can you really love someone and cheat on them? What is it with women and the whole "bad boy" image? It seems the better you treat a woman the worse they treat you. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): The reasons for cheating are so many, and I think they tend to vary at different ages.
Sometimes it's just egotism - the narcissism of wanting to "get away with it" or of not caring about the feelings of the person their hurting. Maybe that explains cheating in scenarios where the relationship hasn't been going on very long, or where the cheating is habitual throughout the relationship.
Often, it's immaturity and/or fear of letting go. You see this a lot in relationships of people in their 20s. They've fallen hard for someone, but then, over time, for whatever reason, they find that things just aren't working out. The problem is that they haven't yet reached a point where they're able to step back and acknowledge that things aren't working out. They don't know how to fix things, and they don't know how to walk away. They're scared that if they let go of the person they cared about, they won't find anything better, and then they'll end up alone. And so they end up holding on too long, until they fall into something else that pulls them away. And it's never about the other person being better - it's just an escape.
Sometimes, in older couples, they let the relationship die, in a different way. There's no drama, but there's also no passion. So maybe one partner cheats really b/c they just aren't getting laid. It's still reprehensible and inexcusable, but it boils down to something pretty simple.
Sometimes it's a need for affirmation. Sometimes it's a need to self-destruct. There are lots of reasons.
As for why girls like 'bad boys', it's less that we like them 'bad' than that we like them confident. A nice guy who's got plenty of self-esteem is equally attractive; the problem is that a lot of guys confuse 'pushover' with 'nice'. A girl doesn't need a guy who's whipped - she needs a guy who's secure enough in himself to really be able to be a separate person in the relationship -- someone she can fall in love with.
A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (28 July 2008):
 Actually, not so many people cheat as you might believe.
Unfortunately by reading sites like this you get a somewhat distorted view of the world - because there aren't too many people asking questions who haven't got some sort of problem. And, worse perhaps, there aren't too many answering questions who didn't come here originally because they had problems of their own. So, probably, what you read here is far from typical of people generally.
And, the "bad boy" thing is a myth. There are as many women who love geeks, or sweet little cherubs, or cute wimps, or - for that matter - vicars, as there are who like "bad boys". "Bad boys", I think, are the equivalent for women that the big-breasted blonde girl with most of it on display and legs right down to the ground is for men. A nice fantasy, but you wouldn't want to have to put up with it 24/7, if you see what I mean!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008): "What is it with women and the whole "bad boy" image? It seems the better you treat a woman the worse they treat you."You say this as though men are any better. How very sexist of you. I assure you, for every woman who likes a "bad boy" there a man who trips over himself trying to get to a shallow lady who walks all over him just because she has big boobs or whatever. And no, in my opinion, you can't love someone and cheat on them. Anyone who loves you wouldn't choose to do something to you that they know would hurt you so profoundly - and that is so easily preventable as cheating is.
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A
female
reader, hollydawn +, writes (28 July 2008):
yeh i think thats partly true. i think women want a strong man, and by that to me , i just want someone who knows how to keep there cool around me. i think that some men that appear to do anything for a women can maybe come across as a bit needy, and uncool.
i think the men where, the bueautiful blond wonen that think they can just shout at a man and intimidate, the ones where you can she her makeing him look like a skivy.
that to me is a weak man, someone that is not strong enought to stand up to a beautiful women, and put her in her place.
so i think that women are probably just after someone who can keep there cool to those types of women and not go all weak at the knees and the ones with srtong personalitys, and the ones that seem to know themselfs, basicaly a confident person, think of a women just like that wouldn't you find her atractive.
that's what i loved about my boyfriend in the first place, the fact that when he was with me he was kind affectionate, cuddly when he was with me , but didn't chace me and could seem cool in the same sence.
it was all abit like love me and leve me....
it was beautiful being with him because of how diffrent he was to most men, how on the caring side and stuff, but when he went he would not be phoneing and txting, he would do his own thing and it felt like, ohhh why does he only want to see me once a week, he hardly txts me if ever in the week, hemust like me thought to be all the way he is when he is around me...
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A
female
reader, vsnod  +, writes (28 July 2008):
 Some women like the mystery or excitement of these kinds of men and some women want to 'tame' them or 'fix' them somehow. I know it sounds so silly! But I think that as most women get older, they often mature enough to stop trying to chase the 'bad boy' types. So don't stop treating women the right way! (just be careful not to be a doormat) You'll find the right one for you!
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