A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:What tears me apart is when a younger hot or cute girl is openly flirting with my guy when we're both out together. Obviously they see me but that doesn't stop them from doing it. Granted, I see them doing this but he's oblivious to this. Why do women (and I'm sure there are guys out there who do this too) do this? Is it some game they enjoy playing? And what if the game worked and the guy leaves for the flirting girl? Don't these people have a conscience as to what they're doing? I just don't understand. BTW, my guy said he wouldn't play into their games. The guy I dated before my now-guy has told me that he would jump ship just so he can be with that flirting girl - especially if she's hot and cute. I just find it irritating that these women do this no matter what. Am I the only one to feel this way? I feel so much more less than these girls because they're attractive and I'm not(I'm apple shaped and these girls are like cinnamon sticks)....even more so when they flirt openly with my guy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2011): This bothers me as well. You are not alone. My boyfriend stares and waits for our neighbor girl to come and go. Even stares at her when we are together. The awful thing for me is that she flirts back which only makes me feel less than pretty. I am not bad looking and have been in therapy for this issue. My boyfriend does this everywhere we go. However I can deal with it better when we are out because we eventually leave. But at home it is different. I have it on a daily basis. After witnessing the flirting between the both of them, I pretty much stayed in the house all summer. My therapist said that it is on them, no reflection on me. I am trying hard to believe in what she says to me. This summer I will not let them make me feel like a leftover piece of krap! I am taking back my feel good feelings for my sake! Let them flirt, it it leads to something else, then so be it. I will not feel like a "settle for" because of his selfish pleasure, or hers! She has a boyfriend, one child and one on the way! Let them have their fun, but no longer at my expense!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou would think this sort of behavior went out when we all graduated from highschool and to some college. Never had I thought that the game continues on way on to their 30s and 40s and on and on and on. When does it ever end?
To The Walking Dude, charliesdevil73, mishmash,and anonymous male reader, I want to thank you all so very much for your advice. I think a part of it is my always remembering what my ex had said when this happened. I was heartbroken yet he would always play with my heartstrings. I was always at his beck and call and got tired of it and decided I no longer wanted to play his games. With that, I never got my confidence back when it came to guys and their loyalty and respect to the one they're exclusively dating and in love with. I think that I need to realize that not all guys are like that. My guy - my boyfriend chose me and not them and he has on countless amount of times has told me how much he loves me. I am fortunate to have someone as awesome as he is. Thank you everyone for reminding me how lucky I am.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): "Is it some game they enjoy playing?"
Yes, I think it is. It leaves a lot of people insecure, and those who do it are often insecure and looking for reassurance of their attractiveness. What better and "safer" way than to flirt with attractive men who are attached.
Which isn't really safer, in fact it may lead to whole bags full of problems.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): I feel you. I would describe myself as average looking and I would like to think most of the time I have a great personality.
I dated a beautiful man for over two years. Billboard beautiful. Women (and men) constantly hit on him and often in front of me. Most of the time it was just funny to me, but it did get under my skin. It bugged me not so much because they were hitting on him, but they assumed that he couldn't be dating me and that's why they felt so at ease flirting.
I had someone come up to me a year after it was over, pat me on the back and say, "You dated him?! Wow, you did good for yourself!"
Perhaps that's what you're facing now. Just remember why he's with you and don't confuse him for people you've dated before.
And if he is just generally a great guy and friendly to most people, some younger woman react in kind and tend to be fliratious with all men who are nice to them. Charisma is a turn on. Try being proud instead of jealous or defensive. He chose to be with you for a reason.
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A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (12 January 2011):
 Ok, first of all you need to realize that most men do not want a girl shaped like a cinnamon stick. They want curves and they want their women to be soft. They don't want women who look like teenage boys with no hips and whatnot. And as women, we are more harsh on ourselves when it comes to our bodies. We will think we look fat even when we really don't. It's just the way we are. Women are supposed to want to attract a man to them and what better way then looking good?
Secondly, your man now did not say he would "jump ship", he said he wouldn't play into their games. That means he doesn't care if they look hotter than you or not. He loves you and wants to be with you and not them. And remember that looks can be deceiving. There may be a woman who looks hotter than you, but then she opens her mouth and starts talking. She may be dumb, rude, a big bitch or what have you. She will become less attractive. You obviously have the whole package if your man does not care if they flirt with him or not.
To your "what if the game worked" question. If the game works, that guy is not meant for you. He is an A-hole and is only out for physical attractiveness and is very shallow. Like I said, looks can be deceiving, and if a man is willing to be with someone just because they are hot, he is only in it for the sex.
And, lastly, no you are not the only one who is irritated by it. I get mad sometimes when other women do that in front of me. But to me, it's more of a respect thing. Why hit on someone who is obviously taken. If your man has said all the things you have stated, be sure that he thinks you are attractive on all levels. And that is what you should think about when another woman flirts with him. You get to be with him, they don't, and he wouldn't change that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): What's attractive about looking like a stick?
Anyway, the types of girls who do this are attention seekers who are insecure themselves and because of this they feel by getting attention from the opposite sex, they have some worth.
Instead of feeling jealous, you should pity them. They don't have what you do and probably never will if they carry on like that.
Your ex sounds like a moron and to be honest is probably on the same level as the shallow attention seekers. Forget what your ex said, he was obviously an immature idiot.
We all grow up one day, and when you get to a certain age those games people play don't work anymore and you just end up looking desperate.
Be proud you're not like them. It's a good thing.
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