A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Why do some married men think it is ok to watch porn? I dont see how that is respecting their vow to forsake all others and cherish their wives...Im not religious but believe in commitment in marriage. If I share my body with a man I fee that is a really special thing which is totally demeaned if he then masturbates over thousands of other naked women. It seems to me like women are expected to give so much in marriage,...we sacrifice so much and our bodies are usually forever changed by having babies, even if we lose the weight...then we find out our husband is looking at women who show no signs of ever being mothers ...yet they claim they love our bodies more...hard to believe when not one of the women in porn has stretch marks or breast that look like they have fed a baby....I just dont understand why men cant honour their vows and be decent..if your a dad...and expect your wife to believe her post baby body is desirable to you...dont then send the exact opposite message by masturbating over women who look completely different...seems to me like the whole porn problem is about mens sense of entitlement....we often hear the saying 'well, its better porn that affairs...but why on earth shouldnt we expect them to restrain from both?If women were saying they wanted to be wined and dined by other men whilst married because they might have affairs if not recieving enough romance t would be another thing..men would be outraged
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female
reader, Bianca S  +, writes (31 May 2008):
I totally agree!!! I am pregnant and just found out SO many women have the same experience as me that they have to beg their man for sex . It´s like he´d rather masturbate to porn. I´ve never experienced this before.
A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (24 May 2008):
 To the lady with the husband who likes sado-masochistic porn:
Have you asked him to tie you down during sex? Have you asked to tie him down for sex? That seems to be what floats his boat. I know you risk disappointment if it doesn't work... but could it be any worse than now?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): Hi Miss anonymous reader: "Why does he need to look at women spead-eagled and tied down?"
Because he dose. What he likes is not what you like. He likes what he likes. If he liked looking at women with blue eyes would you want all women to have brown eyes. I like vanilla, you like chocolate. Does that make me wrong, am I a bad person.
I'm sorry about your story, and sorry for your pain, but you've got bigger problem than porn in your marriage and you really should talk to someone or post a question on this board for further advice.
Porn is just the symptom that your marriage isn't working, you highlight it, because it seems the easiest thing to deal with, it gives you reasons you can handle. Your husbands not choosing porn over you, he's rejecting you for some reason. A clue could be in your attempts to "stave yourself" to keep him. Anyway, so sorry. Take care of you....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): Hi Miss anonymous reader: "Why does he need to look at women spead-eagled and tied down?"
Because he dose. What he likes is not what you like. He likes what he likes. If he liked looking at women with blue eyes would you want all women to have brown eyes. I like vanilla, you like chocolate. Does that make me wrong, am I a bad person.
I'm sorry about your story, and sorry for your pain, but you've got bigger problem than porn in your marriage and you really should talk to someone or post a question on this board for further advice.
Porn is just the symptom that your marriage isn't working, you highlight it, because it seems the easiest thing to deal with, it gives you reasons you can handle. Your husbands not choosing porn over you, he's rejecting you for some reason. A clue could be in your attempts to "stave yourself" to keep him. Anyway, so sorry. Take care of you....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): I love my husband.Then i got pregnant. Was so worried about my looks that i ate very carefully. Did not pick up any weight! But he just stopped finding me attractive... No more sex. Said he was worried about hurting me, just wanted to give me space, said I needed sleep more than messing around in bed. He moved to spare room. I was upset. Didnt know whether he was being thoughtful or found me fat! I asked him and he said: DOnt be silly honey you are still sexy to me. When I then tried to touch him, he said he was just tired tonight, but for months nothing happened. Then I found the stuff. He was in the shower and the computer was still online, but on screen saver. I thought I would just quickly check my emails. Then there it was, women tied up naked in very painful looking contortions, and machines doing the f-job. I was horrified. This man that i promised to love and maybe turned down twice for sex during our whole marriage! Why? These women are stunning. MAke up, perfect hair, perfect everything. I have had a baby and a scar. I cant look that way if I had millions to spend on gym and plastic surgery! How in hells name can I continue this relationship? Is he dreaming of butt F-ing a 18 year old when we are together? What does he think when i sit across from him at breakfast tired from being up in the night and not looking my best?I hoped that things would be better after the baby. WHen i had the emergency C section, i waseighed less after the baby than when i got pregnant.MOnths later, he is still not very interested. I dressed up in stockings and sexy lingerie. He looked at me and said: O honey, you dont have to try so hard, i love you.Love me??? Like a sister maybe.Where is the sex we used to have before?I confronted him with the porn. He said he is so embarrased and didnt know what he was doing and only got to these sites by accident. He promised he would never ever do it again. He looked so earnest when he said that.Now he has added a program with a 128 bit encription and 16 letter password to his computer. Why, i asked? Oh, to keep my documents safe in case someone breaks in.The other night he was looking for his CV. I said it is probably in the LOCK program. He looked blank for a few seconds (as in-why the hell would it be in there?) And I said, you know the program you loaded to keep documents safe...Oh yeah. OF course...he saidHe is lying.I hate him and I love him, now at the same time.Am trying to starve myself, but will never look like them.Every time he goes to the computer late at night, I just cry in bed. I am here in your bed, I think. Why, for godsake why dont you come to me. I miss you. I miss what we've had. So badly. You were my dream. The father of my child. The man I looked up to, who i ran to for advice. Who made me smile. Who tells me everything is going to be ok. Who empties the trash and helps me wash the kitchen floor on a saturday...Why does he need to look at women spead-eagled and tied down. What does he really think about women?What am i to him?Does he want his cake and eat it? Have respectable family life, good job, good wife, good child? And then also have sick fantasies about dead women in sexual poses.Did he lie from the beginning? That very first time we met? Was he laughing at my gullibility hen we moved in together?Please.please i want my old husband back. I would give anything to have him back. Was he stolen by some alien porn monster?I hate him.....
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (22 May 2008):
 Everything done in moderations should be acceptable.
Anything in excessive is bad for the health.
Marriage is about compromise or the middle path.
You can domesticate men but you should not feminize them.
There are alot of bigoted and Hippocratic people on this Earth.
Intolerant and extremist views only come from very narrow minded and chauvinistic bigots.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): What if men can't honor there wives and be decent over this, like the women want? Seems like a lot of women are fighting their husbands over this issue, and there is a heartache and sadness on either side.
What if men can't stop looking at porn. There are tons of letters posted over this board. Women are crying because they find out there husbands love porn and they never knew. They cry because they felt hurt and lied to. Men are crying too, "my wife no longer trusts me because I looked at porn twice." "I like porn and I'm frightened my wife will find out."
I really wonder how strong a relationship can be, if it can be destroyed by something one reads in a book, sees on a computer screen or watches on TV. All I know is that there's a lot of mismatched couples and unhappy people out there. There's also a lot of lying going on. Why do men look at porn. I don't know. I just know they do and some women don't like it and it causes them pain.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): This has gone on forever and nothing we say or do will change human nature. Some men look some men don't admit to look at porn but the watch "Deperate Housewifes" & "Sex In The City", heck anything on television. It's not for the story lines! Cable TV has porn on it and you can't say, " Well that's cable"! Television is only cable as of Feb. 17, 2008.
My question to you then is: Why do woman use "Toys" when the man isn't around? Isn't that the samething "Cheating" make a man feel less than a man? Then when the man does try and please the woman he can't without the "Machine /Toy" she has been training with or did I not answer the question?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): I work more hours than my husband and we have 4 children I do most of the household chores and child related tasks. I have NEVER refused my husband sex once. yet he continues to sneak around and watch porn behind my back....sorry but I dont agree with the last poster who says its a mans 'perogative to view porn' men have a responsibilty to be respectful to ALL women (including their wives) even if there are problems in the relationship...
If he is a real man he will either demand counselling or leave the marriage rather than participate in the por industry , jacking off over someones 18year old daughter (IF she is even 18- no one can garantee that with porn)
Men need to grow up and realise that they have a social and ethical responsibilty to treat women properly...and any man who watches porn whatso ever should NEVER be allowed to have a father type role to an girl...either one who is biologically his or not....shame on the last poster!!!in his case he is doing a terrible msiservice by justifying his abusive use of porn on is wifes issues...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): I work nearly 90 hours a week to support my wife and three children.
The kids are all in school and she is a stay at home mom/wife.
The laundry is piled up for weeks on end and there are tons of dirty dishes everywhere. The kids ask every morning for clothes to wear.
I still bring home flowers when I can afford them.... Doesn't even get me a kiss and I can't remember the last time she said I love you to me.
Any spare time I have is spent with her and the kids.
We will have been married for 15 years in July and she is 10 years younger than me.
I am still in great shape for my age and get offers a lot from women, even in front of my wife. I have never encouraged anything and have never cheated on her.
We have sex if I am lucky once every two months. Its not the best but nor is it the worst. I would love it if it were a lot more than that.
She does not have a "headache" nor, as she puts it, does she feel "obligated"
to have any kind of physical relationship with me or any one else.
She will not talk about why this is and she says she has no fantasies at all. Ever.
So what would you rather I do... watch porn after she has told me no and fallen asleep or go off and have an affair.
A recent NY Times article shows that a recent study indicates that 1 of every 3 married women is having or has had an affair. It also says that 80% percent of those do it for sex alone. And 90% of those say they feel absolutely no guilt about it. Rather they feel it makes the marriage stronger.
Those are staggering numbers.
Why is it that women feel that they do not need to be emotionally attached to their husbands? If a man was doing this it would be considered breaking the wedding vows.
I don't want to have an affair or look at porn.
But I definitely will not have an affair and porn is a lot safer and saner.
Considering that I am feeling more like a sugar daddy than a husband I think it is my prerogative to view porn as long as there is no damaging exposure to my kids. And if or when my wife decides to recognize that she is indeed part of a partnership I will continue to do so.
Not all Husbands are scumbags. Just as not all wives are caring. Or bad people.
I am sorry that you have such a lopsided view of things. I agree that it "should" be idyllic, but most of the time it isn't and not nearly all of the time the husbands fault.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): That's why being single for a guy is so much better..You don't have to be there when she's moody and she doesn't have to be there when you're doing guy things like porn.
If a person doesn't like something then it's up to that person to change.
Blaming others is a sign of weakness.
Maybe your guy isn't in love.
You deserve to find someone that loves you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): I don't care at all if my Gl still looks at pictures of hot guys even though she says she totally loves me. I can understand the total separation between what she fantasizes about from what she wants in reality.And looking at visuals of hot members of the opposite sex is just a turn-on at a chemical level. Show the person the picture, watch the brain waves change.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): I think a lot of guys look at porn simply because their wives make sex extremely boring. There is more to a relationship then occasionally spreading your legs. When was the last time you tried to turn him on and do some kinky things?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): The annonymous female poster said:
"The day I watch a soap opera or read a romance novel rather than have sex with my husband is the day I'll believe that. Until then it is wrong to think that men wanking it to porn IN LIEU of real intimacy in a marriage is a good thing."
Umm . . . do you really think there are NOT lots of married & dating women out there doing this instead of investing that sexual attention into their BF/spouse?
I know of a couple of those situations just off the top of my head among my past & present friends. And it's not like I was going around searching for examples of it.
I don't think a woman has any moral obligation to put up with a porn-watching man if it seriously bothers her. But try getting off your high horse about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): I'm not too sure if there is a right or wrong in this situation. It should be whatever both of you feel is ok and not ok. I feel the same way as you, but have read alot of responses from men who say there's nothing wrong with it and they are not replacing or comparing their wives to the images of woman on the computer. If this is something that you cannot deal with, talk to him about it. If he continues on masturbating to porn....give him a dose of his own medicine. I agree with the other female reader.....put some porn on the computer of hot men and let him see it. He will without a doubt get very upset and he will feel as hurt as you do right now and the porn days for him will most likely come to an end.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): there is nothing wrong with watching porn it is perfectly normal to watch apparently watching porn for guys is the equivelent of a chick using a vibrator at least thats what i read in a newspaper
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): iWhy do some married women think it's okay to watch soap operas on TV or read trashy romance novels?
Porn is a lot like the male gender's equivalent of those things for women./i
The day I watch a soap opera or read a romance novel rather than have sex with my husband is the day I'll believe that. Until then it is wrong to think that men wanking it to porn IN LIEU of real intimacy in a marriage is a good thing. And if that means I never have a husband, so be it. But I will not be REPLACED by fantasy images, a husband has an obligation to me sexually in a marriage and if he can't meet it, he's outta here.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): I can't understand men who think that there’s nothing wrong with porn- that it is just one "pastime" like any other???!!!! Are they completely mad? Mislead? Or are they so afraid of real women with real feelings that they have to imagine themselves as sex rock stars with huge cocks and everlasting stamina? I know my husband watched porn for a while and then couldn’t even get it up for the real thing?? If it wasn’t for me- a real woman with true feelings for him- he would still be thinking that he has erectile dysfunction and calling on hookers to solve his problem!!! Geez! Guys want to separate themselves and above women that and feel like they can have amazing sex with women without any feelings! Like one conquest after another! Maybe their egos were hurt by a few girls back in the day so now they need to feel superior by watching men shove their cocks into women’s mouths and choking them!! The hilarious thing is that these men in these videos
wind up jerking themselves off before they can even reach orgasm???? Then they find it so exhilarating to spill there sperm all over women’s faces! They want moe then oe woman at a time a if they think they can even please one!? They fantasize about one women after another and proudly proclaim that they mean NOTHING to them! “They are there strictly for their pleasure and there’s nothing wrong with that” Let me say that they are human beings, they are God’s creation and are meant to be much more then your sexual relief. Most of those women are; drug addicts, sex addicts, alcoholics, and have serious self-esteem issues. I know cuz I was one of them! Most of them were abused, raped, and taught early in life that this is all their worth. I’m not saying that it’s not okay to be curious about porn, enjoy it with a partner, use it to learn how to please a partner…
but when a wife s hurt because her husband is looking at other women- with fake boobs- or- teens who haven’t had any of their babies yet- he needs to understand how that hurts his wife and STOP LOOKING, LYING, SNEAKING! Then go and complain about how he doesn’t get any from his wife? Maybe she doesn’t feel attractive or like she can “F”like the women in these movies?!! Get a grip gguys and start treating women with some equal respect- women and men are different- but either stay single and “f” everyone you want, watch pon, gawk at young girls and fantasize about gangbanging them OR get into a loving relationship that is faithful, honest, and worthwhile. But please don’t try and do both! I the woman is okay with it- then by all means indulge- but if you are hurting your ONE and ONLY- then stop and be a true, and faithful husband!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): Why do some married women think it's okay to watch soap operas on TV or read trashy romance novels?
Porn is a lot like the male gender's equivalent of those things for women.
(I don't expect women to understand it. But I don't understand why they like what they like either.)
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (18 April 2008):
It depends on the man and the women. Some men think it is ok, some women don't care as they know men see women in different ways.
Personally I would be gutted if my husband looked at porn, but if you know someone well enough to marry them surely you would know their views on this kind of thing, and they would know your feelings.
It just shows you should only commit to a man who you know inside and out and who you know is perfect.
Good Luck!! xx
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