A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why do people seem to be hopping in and out of relationships these days at an increasing level of frequency? I find it really depressing. I want to find someone to grow old with, but I feel silly thinking this since most people tend to think it is unrealistic. I am 31, wanting a life-long marriage and kids, but find me a man who wants the same? I have had two 'relationships' in my life, neither lasting more than 10 months. That is a pathetic track record! Oh, plenty approach me who want a quick fling or a short term 'fun' relationship until the next supposedly better offer comes along, but the 'marriage and kids' guys don't seem to exist anymore. It seems like a lot of people I know bail out of relationships over really petty things these days rather than work through the rough patches - why is this? Is it just that divorce has been made too easy to obtain these days? Would just like some views on this. It almost seems like people like the idea of marriage and kids but not the reality.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (17 May 2007):
 It was just on the news the other day that the divorce rate in the US is at it's lowest since the 1980's which was the peak. Which surprised me because I know more people who have gotten at least one divorce than I do who have stayed in their first marriage. Happily married 31 years.
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (17 May 2007):
 I know what you mean, i would love to find someone to grow old and grey with. It seems these days its all to easy to hop from one relationship to the next, whether there are married, have kids or not. Where as years ago going back to our parents, grandparents times people tended to stick it out, and not break up over something trivial. Also people go into relationships with the wrong frame of mind, sorting out whats theirs and what thay own incase it all goes pear shaped.
I have had a couple of relationships myself that haven't worked out, not for want of trying, but remain optimistic there is a nice girl out there somewhere for me.
I wish you best of luck in finding yours.
X
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2007): The true answer can be found in a book by Scott M Peck called the "Road Less Traveled". The mistake that the majority of people make (thus the title of the book) is that they believe that love is a feeling, and if they are just not feeling it, then they had better move on and look for someone else.
Love is not just a feeling; of course you are after those warm and fuzzy feelings of happiness when you are looking for a partner, I don't mean to imply that feelings are not to be present, but need to be at a deeper, more insightful, soulful level---- a lot of people confuse "attachment" with love.
Love is a deep commitment to BE a loving person, one who is
Worthy Of Love, and by that I mean, you have to BE a loving person, one who puts the needs of your partner above your own most of the time. It is not a 50/50 proposition, tit for tat, keeping score, taking the temperature, what is in it for me attitude, but one of 110% commitment and focus on another's happiness. Love is mostly a verb (Being), not a noun (feelings)
This is a very difficult thing for most people to grasp, and very often people never get it. It is really about spiritual growth and maturity, and it takes a lot of us a lifetime to get there, so what to do while enjoying the journey of life if the one you love does not get it? Realize that you may be more disappointed than not, that you cannot make someone else love you or grow deeper with insight, but you can be loving, you can love and if forced to let go of them, and pick up the pieces of your heart and accept that life is really a journey. What other life do we have but what is given to us?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2007): I think you are just feeling a little left out. If you truly look around, a lot of couples have been together for a long time and still like each other. :) People do give up on relationships more quickly now a days but now we have choices and are not "stuck" in a relationship they are'nt happy in. A mate will come, there is someone for everyone. Happily married 25 years
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (17 May 2007):
 This is just my opinion and I'm in no doubt that other people will answer your post and take a completely different line with you but I think it's partly that divorce has got easier and partly that people have become more selfish and focused on themselves. After all, ask the majority of people why theyre divorcing and very few have a good reason for it. I'm not even sure if there is a good reason for it unless you're in danger. People get married on a whim and then when they hit a problem decide they don't want to try anymore. I'm a firm believer that if you're in a marriage and you have kids that you should stay even if your partner has an affair because you should be thinking of the kids above yourself. Too many people get divorced because they can't handle the pitfalls of marriage or want to find themselves.
Some days I feel the same as you that there is no perfect man out there but I think that it's important to keep the belief that you will meet someone wonderful because the moment you give up then it's over. I hope your special someone turns up soon.
CD
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