A
male
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anonymous
writes:Why do people expect to be good at sex, to be having great sex? Surely the reality is that most folks will be having bad sex, or no sex at all. Think about it. Most folks can't play tennis. Most folks can't cook great food.Most folks have poor co-ordination. Most folks are out of shape.In America nowadays it's almost embarrasing NOT to be a chubby.Why does everyone expect to be having great sex? To all the virgins out there I say: Live the dream because the reality is surely going to suck for you. In fact, if you're holding out until marriage it will suck even more because you haven't even found out if your bits fit together properly! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2006): yea i wanted to keep myself a virgin till i was 18 and i did when i turn 18 i meet a great guy whom i am still with for over 2 years now, the problme is iv just turn 20 and his 25, his had so many partners and had so many experiences that he cant even remember them all, he was having sex at 12yrs old. its a problem because he wants me to do these certain postions and movements that i dont know how to do very well, im veryhappy to keep trying and to learn how to do it better with his help but he just gets fasturated with me because it takes to long for him to cum and ever 5 mins his moving around yet he blames me for nt doing it rite, if id maybe gone taht step further when i was younger i would have more experience and he would be happier with me in bed,i now aviod having sex all together because i feel im no good because my lack of experience.
A
female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (5 March 2006):
 Well that's really not a question...more of an opening for a discussion.
Your points are very true.
People do expect to have great sex...without study, effort or much of any instruction. Yet great sex does happen.
I am not a pro Golfer either...but those 10 or so great shots in a game keep me paying my annual dues and swinging away.
I agree about the virgin waiting to be married...yet I know people who were both virgins on their wedding night(it took them time and practice) but they are thrilled that their partner has been their only lover. I could not ever marry someone I had not tested the water with. What if we DIDN'T get along about positions or even what was cool or just awful! (or if he were hung like a pepsi bottle...ahhhhhhhggggh!)
But great sex does not always have to be about skill. Skill is a terrific tool but emotions and chemistry also play into the mix. You can have terrific sex with someone if the chemistry is just right. (but there must be at least a rudimentary knowlege)
Because emotions play on us sexually we can have what is in our own minds...Great Sex...even if someone listening to a discription thinks...Yawn...how pathetic.
Sex is not about how pretty you are or how good of shape your in or even if you have ever HAD it before...it's about being so into the person you are with at that moment that all else seems to fade and for a short time...you ARE having great sex.
But, for every "Great" you personally find....you probably will run across several that only reach the dud factor for you. I am usually very good at choosing. But even I find a dud now and again. This sexy fit cowboy I have had my eye on for two years was a shocking disappointment...the chemistry was there...but he simply didn't have the skill level I would expect for someone his age and it was therefore Blah.
It does not mean that the next girl he's with won't think he's wonderful.
You sound as if you yourself have had a couple or more rather icky encounters?
Does that mean you are dissappointed by a lack luster occasion or do you simply feel you have yet to find someone who really can give you what you need?
I do think that we in America build up our expectations of perfect bliss without realising that every sexual encounter will not be GREAT. We should talk more openly about exactly what we like and not allow the media to tell us what is Sexy.
But, I do think anyone who is capable of sex..is also capable of Great sex if they are willing to put in the effort and time it takes to do it well.
Great sex is not a myth...if it were...we would not keep practicing.
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