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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: Why do people continue to lie even though they know that their lies are going to be found out? My partner keeps lying to me how can I believe what he says when I have found out so much about him that I never would have dreamed of, his cheating being one of them. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (6 March 2009):
 It is called habitual (or compulsive) lying. If your partner is a habitual liar, he needs professional treatment.
Compulsive lying is a common disorder often caused by low self-esteem and a need for attention. With therapy, many can overcome their compulsion to lie and salvage their interpersonal relationships before it is too late.
Having said that, like any disorder or diseases, I believe an adult would already have recognized it earlier on. Or a close friend, or a family member, may have recognized it and informed him of his condition. And as a responsible adult, he should have acted upon it and seek help. How long have you known him, or been together with him?
If he has been a habitual liar for as long as he lives, or at least as long as he has been an "adult", it can "stick" to him like an "addiction". And like any addiction, change (to the better) can only happen if he wants to change. If you or anybody else asked him to change and get treatment, he may just do it, but only to please others or only out of "duty". The addiction will continue to control him, and in this case, he will continue to lie and cheat.
He is an adult. He should know better.
You, on the other hand, as Kellyxxx had said, should be treated like a queen. At the very least, to be treated with respect. Not lied to. Not cheated on. Not abused your trust.
You don not need him in your life, as hard that would be for you because you love him. But you are still in the prime of your life (don't they say that for women, 50s is the new 20s now?), you have many years of happiness ahead of you, not sadness and misery from his wrongdoings to you. You need to tell him to leave you alone. He needs to go from your life.
You will find friends who will be there if you happen to experience some dark hours after he is out of your life. You may not realize they are there yet, but they will appear when you need them most.
Be strong!
Cat
PS. Here’s some reading materials that might be useful for you
Lying and Deception In Romantic Relationships
http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/home/public/lying-deception.html
Habitual Liar? Or Something Worse?
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=advice&id=940&at=2&cn=8&ad_2=1
What is compulsive lying?
http://www.healthdiaries.com/compulsive-lying.htm
A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (6 March 2009):
 You deserve better than to be cheated and disrespected! Life is too short to live in sadness and doubt. If you are with someone who is making you unhappy then don't stay around them as there is always someone round the corner waiting for you who is willing to treat you like a queen. X
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