A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've read a lot of columns involving how much people regret cheating on their spouses. Some of these people cheat and wonder why their spouses leave them? Why do it when the consequences are known to be the obvious results of the other person leaving? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (23 January 2009):
When you are in a situation when you just can't help but be tempted, the blood is not in your brain to make you act rationally.
This question is like asking "Why do men get angry and hit things when it won't solve anything?" "Why do women want a child when it's totally unpractical?"
We are all animals at the end of the day and that animal urge makes us do stupid things without thinking.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): I think a lot of people now days (men and women) realize they can cheat once and will be forgiven. That's what I noticed,
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): People do it not thinking of the consequences and after it happens they realize it. Mistakes happen we are human beings. Youl never understand until youve done it.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (23 January 2009):
 48 years has it about right.
There is a flaw that allows otherwise intelligent people to ignore the consequences of our actions. Affairs ARE intensely gratifying both sexually and emotionally. In a person with the right weakness (and with the opportunity - that is very important) the immediate gratification obscures the longer term unpleasant outcome. People overeat without meaning to get fat. People smoke without intending to die of lung cancer. People cheat without intending to cause pain to those they love.
It is substantially about opportunity, at least for men - "Men don't need a motive to cheat, just a sufficiently good opportunity". It is the way that we are wired. I'd guess that only about 20% of men would never cheat regardless of how good an opportunity they have. If you live in a small rural community where everyone knows everyone's business then it would be hard to cheat and the barrier to cross would be high. If you move about a lot, stay away from home a lot then the barriers are much lower. You only have to sit in the lobby of ANY 5 star business hotel in ANY major city in the late evening and watch the call girls coming and going to realise just how many men cheat when it is made sufficiently easy and apparently low risk.
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A
female
reader, 48years  +, writes (23 January 2009):
 I believe that people cheat because they have a hole in them (no pun intended) that has opened up, or a hole that was already there from childhood. An affair begins in secrecy and is a fantasy - the secret lovers have no debts to worry over, no real problems, and are on their best behavior with each other. Often, people enter into an affair never intending to divorce their spouses. No one is immune to the flattery preceding an affair, it's a high, an addiction to excitement that sets in as the affair grows. They may convince themselves that it's harmless as long as no one finds out. They may convince themselves that they deserve to be happy. The lovers themselves FEEL like they are in love.
But REAL love is an action, and NOT a "feeling". REAL love is about self control. REAL love is about remembering, even during the strongest temptations, the look in your true love's eyes when he/or she discovers your deception.
Strong marriages can get dull. Deep love can be taken for granted. Good marriages are hard work daily - but there's nothing like the knowledge that someone picked you above all others, and that someday, God willing, you and your best friend will be able to look back on your years together as a great adventure shared by two who became one person. Why risk such a wonderful gift?
Most people - in fact, the overwhelming majority - regret an affair, and then, never forgive themselves for it, or for the pain they've cause with their own lack of self control... The grass isn't greener on the other side.
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