A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:People have always tended to ignore me socially, at work, in groups, meetung new people as I’m quieter, it’s made me want to give up?On meeting new friends and chatting to people Im always ignored or excluded, Im quieter but not snobby or rude I say hello, I try.. It’s not like I’m mute or don’t talk at all, often I say hi first and get ignored, or.. I make small talk to get conversation started but I get blanked or ignored, I don’t act needy or full of ego or weird or try hard..I listen, genuinelyBig Groups freak me out due to bad past experiences.Am over it, feel like giving up on people..I work and am NOT intellectually impaired or autistic, just quieter and dismissed.
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male
reader, TylerSage  +, writes (27 October 2017):
 You my friend are an introvert, OWN IT!!I can very much relate to you but I'm pretty sure the main difference between the two of us is that I don't "look" like I'm searching for friends or social interaction so a result, people are always gravitated to me. You've got to learn to sincerely enjoy your own company, once you can do that people with tell and want to join in on the fun. If you're bored with yourself don't expect people to jump in a "save you".I recommend you research on introverts to truly understand what they are about and how they all act. You may find some enlightenment. However you are human and even introverts like to talk too. When it comes to making an approach you need to be sure of yourself. If you say "Hello", make sure it's clear enough for everyone to hear and don't fidget or give off awkward energy. Communication is 90% body language. If you are unsure about yourself or you being there why in heavens name should anyone be sure about you. It shows all over you face. Learn more about what you are and what you stand for, like or love.Also, there is a thing such as being "too quiet". If you're the type who virtually never opens his mouth it can make you seem awkward and creepy. People gravitate to people who are like them the most. Being simply nice or polite isn't enough, what can you bring to the table? Are you funny? Can you talk about politics? Do you have a fun hobby? Introverts usually prefer one-on-one conversations try making friends or small-talk (yes, it can be painful) with one person at a time. Seem interested, seem confident and be able to share stuff about yourself. Act like you're on a job interview trying to prove you're good enough for the the opening. And if anyone try to mock you or make a fool or you or blatantly ignore you MAKE SURE you defend/stand up for yourself. Didn't say you should start a fight now, use you discretion. Just let people know that they can't treat you like you're a a piece of trash. But also know when to take social cues and just walk away.Failure is dealt before success.All the best my friend.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2017): I also feel pretty awkward in social situations especially one on one conversations with people I don't know very well. I think part of the trick is to ask lots of questions. People like to talk about themselves so ask what they think about X or whether they know Y. If you know you are going to be in a social situation go prepared with some topics of conversation in your head in advance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2017): I meant to say:
"Take a course in interactive-skills and get assertiveness training for women."
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2017): Ever heard the term "shrinking Violet?" As a shy and quiet person, you have perfected the art of going unnoticed. You said you are quieter. Rarely are quiet-people just quiet, they are usually introverted; and purposely move under the radar of other people.
How do I know this? Because growing-up, I was an expert at it. I couldn't talk in-front of a lot of people. I got choked-up when introduced to more than one person at a time. I walked around with my head down to avoid eye-contact. I didn't want to be noticed! I prefer being a loner, and just living life my way. Understated and without having to be noticed. The world is populated with people. Not possible.
Well, the drawback to this is that you get ignored. People respect your walls, force-fields, and shields. You project a stand-offish vibe; and they won't cross your boundaries. The shields are always up. You learned how to put them up; but you never learned how to take them down. You are "guarded" in your behavior, and people pickup on it. So you get ignored. I used to say things, and have to repeat myself; because people were so used to me quietly standing there.
I know exactly where you're coming from. I've been there and done that. I really love people, but like setting the terms on how we communicate or connect. It can't always go my way.
I was forced out of my shell. One of my high school teachers called me after class. She told me she noticed I walked around with my eyes down. She asked me to look up, and allow people to see my face. She gave me an assignment to give a speech in-front of my class. Any topic I wanted. She assigned the rest of the class the next day. She made me give my speech last. My classmates applauded. I shook and was nervous, but I was passionate about my topic. I forgot my fears as it went on, and my classmates noticed it.
I took courses in leadership, public-speaking, and communication in college; because I had to reverse an ingrained habit of avoiding attention. I served in the military. My buddies in my battalion took me out, and forced me to come-out of my shell. They taught me to flirt with pretty girls, they teased me out of my timidness; and I became more social and comfortable within social-groups. I even give some credit to being bullied; because it taught me how to stand-up for myself. I do not advocate bullying, nor do I give any endorsement it okay. I've turned negatives into a positives; because I had good parents, and a spiritual-faith that taught me how.
I changed because I made the conscious-effort. People seem to take a liking to me socially; because of my wit and warmth towards them. I had to redevelop my interactive skills, and force myself to be more outgoing. I'm still nervous giving presentations at work, I'm still nervous around strangers, and crowds make me uncomfortable. I can now be outspoken, and my shyness no longer restricts me from reaching out to people and accepting the attention that gets.
My late domestic-partner was an attorney and active in local politics. That also exposed me to a lot of hobnobbing and entertaining. Also helpful in opening you up to folks.
Take a course in inactive-skills and get assertiveness training for women. There are many programs and courses available that help people to develop their personality; and to help them overcome shyness and introversion.
Even though you speak (a little bit); you need training in assertiveness. Learn how to make your presence known; and how to standout in a room of people.
I still have to practice; because I find myself relapsing from time to time. I will always be a loner, but I am very friendly and loyal as a friend. My job forces me to be open and outspoken; but I resort to solitude, peace and quiet when I get home. Thank goodness my boyfriend understands me!
You have to outgrow shyness; or it will inhibit you socially, kill your love-life, and make you awkward around people.
I suggest courses in conjunction with reading publications; because you need to be among people, and practice live verbal-intercourse. The training will also perfect your social graces. That's more effective than just reading on it, and clumsily trying to do it alone; when you don't have the kind of personality that allows you to be naturally extroverted. Part of my extreme shyness was because I was hiding the fact that I'm gay, and I just preferred to keep that part of myself buried. I've gotten over that foolishness.
Now I'm tough on shyness; because adults should be outgoing and social. Humans are social by nature. For some it comes easy, and some of us have to seek help. It saddens me that the use of technological devices is creating a whole generation of socially-inept people; who can't write full sentences, or have an intelligent and coherent conversation. They stare down at a phone, and can't even go on a date without staring at their devices. For the lack of the knowledge and ability to have a social-presence, or effectively interact with others.
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male
reader, Allumeuse  +, writes (26 October 2017):
There doesn't have to be anything wrong with you. You just have to be a little more difficult to talk to than everyone else and they will take the path of least resistance and talk to people that are easier to get to know. You must by now realise that there isn't a global conspiracy to ignore you so the issue must lie with you. Perhaps you expect it to happen now and this hardens you in some way that people can sense. You aren't there to listen, you are there to be sociable, to engage and be engaged by others. Group conversation is about cut and thrust, saying interesting things, asking interested questions, making people laugh and generally showing the best aspects of your personality. People aren't generally looking to confide or be listened to too intently, that's for one to ones. Talk about your passions, tell self effacing stories or funny anecdotes.Ask people about their passions, Maybe next time you can alter the narrative. If all that sounds like something that isn't you, then maybe just avoid big groups.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2017): I'm also a quiet person and I understand what you are talking about. Fortunately, you can learn to be more social. Observe people who are social and friendly. You'll soon realise that it's that people do not think and analyse you the way you do yourself. People are only concerned about themselves for the most part and that's a good thing, it gives you the license to be who you really are. When in conversation, do not listen to respond rather listen to understand. Ask questions,take a genuine interest in who they are. Talk about stuff that you are likely to have in common. Invite them to gatherings that may have the few people you may already have in your life..this can be less intimidating than face to face situations. It's important to introduce them as your friend to others. Accept all invitations you receive if possible. Put yourself out there. There will be awkward situations,yes, but even the most charming people face this. The difference is, they put it behind them and just go about doing their thing.
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