A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why do my friends hate the idea of me being pregnant? I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years now and I feel like I am ready to have a child with him. And hopefully he does too. I know I should ask him first but as a young woman I have asked some of my friends opinions. They all look at me weirdly and ask why I want to have a child, and I don't understand why. I guess they think I should go and 'do stuff' first, but to be honest it really doesn't bother me. I don't drink, and would rather stay in than go out. I'm not bothered about travelling. I just don't understand why they think it's a bad idea, it get's me quite down. And I don't want people to think badly of me if I did get pregnant... Not that I should care what people think, but you get me? Just some advice or helpful comments would be nice :) xxx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (6 March 2011):
 They would probably disapprove not because you'll give up partying, travel, and drinking but because at your age your life is changing a lot. This is frequently the age when your life changes the most it probably ever will. Maybe one or both of you goes to college. You realize you're an adult. You find jobs. You meet more people than you did in the high school bubble. Everything changes. The different between high school and your twenties is enormous. The odds of you two staying together and having the exact life you have now and the same goals and wants as now are extremely low. A child is a HUGE deal.
They cost money. They take time. They will strain your relationship (even if you both want it very much). Your life will never be the same, and for the next 18 years, you will both have to put your own lives on the back burner to support, raise, and care for your child. This is frequently an unstable time in people's lives whether or not they realize it. Plus children cost hundreds of thousands of dollars.
At your age it's natural to be getting the baby-making hormones. It's surprisingly common to have an enormous urge for a baby now. But unless you both have stable jobs, a stable place to live, and a stable relationship, raising a child is going to be difficult or impossible. You may have the urge to have babies, but it's a good idea to wait. If the urge is strong enough, it will still be there in a few years when you know where you're headed in life.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (6 March 2011):
 18-21 is the peak of your life. You're finished with high school, embarking on a new chapter, attending university, picking a career path, legally drinking, etc. That is what(should) be on your and your friend's plate. They're not concerned about starting a family, as far as they're concerned that can wait. It's true there will be plenty of time to have a family. Mainly they're concerned about your welfare. They believe you should live your life a little before you go taking on a HUGE responsibility. Once you get pregnant it will be all about the baby and less about you and your boyfriend. You will also lose some of your friends when you have a child. Reason being that you won't have time to hang out with them like you used to, and that you're at a different stage in life than they are.
Things to think about:
- Do you or your boyfriend have a college degree to obtain a respectable career thus providing for your future family? It's VERY expensive to have a baby.
-Have you two talked about marriage? Call me old fashioned but I'm not a fan of having a child out of wedlock. If he's married to you, chances are he's not going to run or freak out when you're with child.
-How is your living situation? Do you two currently own or rent? You two will need to come up with some sort of living arrangement in order to take care of the child.
-Do either of you have a job? Any sort of savings?
Those are questions you need to be asking yourself. More importantly you need to talk to your boyfriend to see if he is ready to bring a life into this world. BOTH of you have to agree upon making a child. You really need to think this through before you discuss this with your boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (6 March 2011):
It doesn't matter what your friends think if you don't even know what your boyfriend's opinion on the matter is.Don't you think you should be talking to him about it first and foremost? You clearly don't know what his views are if you are "hopeful" that he wants a child as well. I would also ask you whether you are planning on staying with this man for life. It is important for a child to have its father around, as well as a stable family unit. However, you don't mention marriage or even engagement at all. There are many reasons why your friends might think it's a bad idea. You also need to ask yourself whether you have the income to support a child; I think it's been estimated to cost c. £200,000 to raise a child in the uk, although we all know prices are rising over here. Do you and your bf have a steady income?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2011): Statistically the odds are against you having a successful marriage, education, and life when you have kids so young plus out of wedlock. Your friends are just looking out for you and don't want to see you throw your future away. The likelihood you will be low income, living with parents, and a single mother with no education is very high. I do hope you beat the overwhelming odds!
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