A
female
age
36-40,
*aomes
writes:This question has been with me for some time now and would like to hear other peoples views. Why is it okay for a man to walk away from his responsibilities and if he sleeps around its okay its normal whereas if the woman walks away and sleeps around she's a bad mum and a whore home wreaking slut. I just don't get why so many men get away with walking away from their responsibilities while women have a stigma attached to it this is not fair. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, naomes +, writes (23 March 2011):
naomes is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for all of your replies. Its given me a true insight in what's going on in today's society. Women do accept bad behaviour and tolerate much more. It seems that women are weak when it comes to men however we are bitchy and do pick faults more than what men do usually its the women that gets more blame than the man. Today's society suggest we should be more manly ie having equal jobs earning more money and taking more responsibility than men. All of your posts was very good to read. Thanks again.
A
female
reader, lucky lynne  +, writes (22 March 2011):
 Men dont get away with anything anymore than a woman does. It could also be said that when men cheat they are love rats. When a woman does,she was being neglected. If a man fails to get erect,he is a failure. If a woman doesnt flow its him that is not doing his job good enough. Men always have,always will be far less choosy of sex partner than he will of a permanent one,less likely to view a woman as potential if she`s had a string Boasting of his conquests and going into detail to his friends. Its part of their macho image. This isnt respectful,but he wont care if she did the same about him. More to the point,its more likely to be women who spread the "she`s a bad mother" "more c***ends than weekends" about each other.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): First of all, let me tell you that I am a feminist and a very strong, independent woman who feels no need for a partner. Unfortunately, there are many pathetically weak women out there who just need a man. So, they take all sorts of crap and disrespect from their partners. It doesn't matter if he's a cheater, beater or what not, as long as they have a man in their life. That is the sad truth. Just read the questions on this web site, and you will find tons of questions like "he cheated on me 4 times, should I take him back?" And you know she will. Men, on the other hand, are much less needy and will tolerate less, so as soon as a women does something wrong, they react. Women with no self respect have given all women a bad reputation. But, not all women are like that. Some of us expect to be appreciated and respected and would never settle for anything less.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): ha, men talking about feminism and female biology? Its a bit like women writing about male sexuality like they know something about it isnt it? Its true though,men do get away with rejecting their children more. What worries me more than this is the new trend,evident in popular culture,encouraging women to act like men! To drink like them,cheat like them,etc. This is anti-feminist. Feminism should be out celebrating feminimity! Girls, hold on to your feminine qualities be proud of them! I couldnt give a damn about these men who shirk responsibility. I have always been attracted to strong,kind men. What worries me more is that some young women these days seem to want to become more malelike,and to compete with men. And that is never going to be the answer. Infact,it would lead to chaos.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): Men have just as much stigma, but they often just don't have any choice.
Women cheat just as much as men do. Women also initiate divorces FAR MORE OFTEN than men do, that's a fact.
Show me a man who isn't paying his child support, and I will usually show you a man who can't pay his own bills either.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): Caring Guy gave a great answer but I believe he left out a couple of important points.
Women are traditionally the housewife. This is still pretty much the case although it's diluting somewhat these days. While feminists like to argue this amounted to oppression there is no arguing that throughout history and right up until the 1960's their role as housewife was an extremely important social cohesive. The very foundation of society is the family and women were the ones who held that together and held society toegther in that role. Housewife/househusband was and still is an extremely important role. In this way men were always out working, they were the providers and it wasn't unusual for them to not be at home. Women were and most still are the most important person in the family unit, therefore when they stray, when they break it up then that's far worse than the husband doing it because everything falls apart (in a very broad general sense).
OP there is huge stigma attached to both men and women that do that. By pretty much everyone looks down on those people. But we still live in a world were the mother is seen as the most important parent, mother is god. Fathers have less rights legally, the mother is favoured in any custody battle and there is no denying that the bond between mother and child with whom they bore for nine months is usually stronger.
It works that way biologically too, how many children could you create in a day? 1 (or more if twins etc) and for the next 9 months that's all you can create. How many can a man make in a day? The natural way it is possible to impregnate 5 to 10 women in just one day, multiply that by the nine months that a woman is pregnant and you start to see the picture. Biologically we have far less responsibility, we can do whatever we want to our bodies in those nine months it's not going to affect the child, whereas women have to take great care to protect their child. In that sense women have the most important parenting role from the beginning, so for a woman to leave a child she bore for nine months, a child she created physically in her own womb is seen as far worse than a man who does so biologically.
Again though whether it's a man or a woman who does it they're equally as bad. But there is just no escaping the fact that women are the life givers, we men are just sperm donors.
When men or women stray they are all home wreckers but the fact is when women do it, the child loses a mother and in a society where mother is god, then that will always be viewed as a little bit worse.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 March 2011):
I think there are a few things that cause this, actually.
First of all, it's not always true that men get treated better than women. However, I do think that men are less likely to take notice of insults. If you call a woman a slut, there is a very high chance that she will take it personally. However, if you said that a man was say, cheap, or a cheating SOB, there's a high chance he won't give a damn. I can't really think of any men who have ever cared if they are labelled in a bad way - leading me to my next point.
I've also found that very often, women are far more likely to accept poor behaviour from a man than the other way around, and women are far more forgiving. If a man is a player, or a bad boy, watch women flock to them for his attention. Some women do have a tendency to go for men who are players, who are bad boys, and think they can change them. Likewise, most men won't put up with a woman constantly cheating, won't put up with drama queen behaviour, and won't put up with shabby treatment.
Finally, in most relationships, men have less responsibility in the first place. For example, in Britain a married man has automatic parental rights. Yet an unmarried man doesn't. Also, in a divorce, there is more of a chance that responsibility for children will be given to the mother than the father. Realistically, how many fathers do you know who are stay at home fathers, or who have taken full custody of their kids. Not that many, I guess.
And, of course, there is also the social stigma that has been around for years. Let's face it, men and woman judge women more harshly than they do men.
So, overall, it comes down to to four things really.
1 - Men are less likely to give a damn if they are judged.
2 - Women are more likely to accept poorer treatment from men, and therefore more likely to allow themselves to be treated badly - thus leading to everyone saying "we told her he was like that anyway"
3 - In Britain and many other countries today, men aren't given that much responsibility in the first place and can far more easily avoid it.
4 - There is still a social stigma.
One thing is for sure though - I think homewreckers are unacceptable whether they are a man or a woman, and I think a lot of people feel the same way.
...............................
|
