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writes: Why do men become distant and stop being intimate with thier wife when they are having an affair is this not a way that they will be suspected of cheating do they feel this will make thier wives less suspicious please enlighten me I want to see if it is the same answer my husband gave me ......
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmandyMy husband and your husband didnt find someone more desirable they thought the grass was going to be GREENERremember Mandy the first time you two met everything was WONDERFUL... well things change when marriage and bills and etc..comes along. This woman he was with had three children little one 11mos old, dont tell me this woman was not sleep deprived changing diapers, feedings, taking kids to school she has no car,,dont tell me she was SUPERBABE that was all on the computer where late in the night she could sneak a little peek-a-boo show to her men followers, get them all horny.. and say sorry cant take care of you turn off lights or get up to change baby...Our husbands our dreamers they Reality Checks My husband got one, one he will never forget....BYE HUN
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007): Hunny
If you are happy at this moment in time and can get past all the hurt, work things out with your husband thats wonderfull, As there is no better gift in life than love, I dont believe your husband doesnt love you, My husband still loved me.. We all cope and react in different ways. It isnt nice to hear your husband found someone more desirable and so on as my ex husband did it with someone 3 4 times as big as me (not that im judging her or anyone else) so desire is many things sometimes to men and that could be 20 txt messages a day about how fit you are!!!! It kinda went to his head.
You are a wonderfull person why shouldnt he treat you as a princesess, And please if you have anymore you need to talk about dont wait just message me ok, You are special and very much... Please dont ever think of suicide, life is gods gift and thats why your here hunny as you are a special gift to many, I hope everything works out for you with love and hugs mandy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your help I think, but hearing my husband probably found someone more desirable OUCH! That he is IN LOVE and getting everything from her double OUCH! Anyway I am not fat.. I LOVE SEX.. problem is I am not a person on the other side of a screen/chatroom promising the illusion of jumping of the CN TOWER giving oral sex... or anal seems to have been the flavor of the month for my husband..anyway trying to forgive him, he will not leave me alone I am sorting of enjoying the attention again, it feels like things are back to normal in a way he is back to treating me like a princess again; I unfortunately am having a bit of a hard time if it wasnt for my kids suicide would have been the way to go...but thanks folks for the replies
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): This is probably the first time that I have disagreed with Waterloo Sunset, but I don't think it is that. I think it is more likely guilt, or possibly that he doesn't find you (his wife) exciting any more. I met the person who is now my wife after my divorce. She was the first one who I dated and only my second sexual partner in my life. She had been divorced for 3 years and wanted me to date others to be sure that I didn't just want her because I latched on to the first woman I'd met. I dated a few other women over the next 2 years and was able to be close to both her and the other one at the same time. However, I did feel a bit guilty about sleeping with someone else. One of the other women even sensed that and told me. I was not really cheating and had nothing to fear, so that is probably why I had no trouble being close to both women. They both knew what I was doing. If I had really been cheating, I suppose I might have had trouble dealing with it.
As far as multitasking, I sometimes drive my wife nuts by multitasking on a smaller scale, like thinking of multiple things at once and jumping afound a conversation. I think that men are good at multitasking, but maybe that is because of my engineering profession that made me be like that, thinking of multiple problems at once.
Sorry, Sandra :) Thinking of your stories about your previous husband, I can understand why you would think that men cannot multitask, or even single task. ;)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): Well I don't know how honest your husband is being with you no matter what he told you. I mean if he is having an affair that's pretty dishonest so I wouldn't take his word to mean shit.
But, anyways, the reason they become distant is because their focus completely turns to somebody else, the other woman. He is inlove with somebody else. And when you fall inlove with somebody else, all of a sudden the person that you were with is no longer appealing to you cause ALL of your romantic focus is on HER. He is getting EVERYTHING he wants and needs from HER. Sex, emotional support, laughs, whatever.
I mean haven't you ever fallen out of love with someone because you fall IN love with somebody else? It's a universal thing, everybody has felt that way at some time. And when it does happen you just completely stop liking the person that you are with altogether. NOT because there is anything wrong with you. But its just the way it happens. He's inlove with somebody else. That's all.
Oh p.s. give this guy the THE BOOT! Sheesh!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): I think it is because most men cannot multi task and that include things in their brain. So if they meet someone else then how do they cope with two women, they cannot possibly so one woman, the outsider, get all the attention and the gf or wife get what he has left, which is usually very little. That is my view.
take care
x
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): Hi Hunny,
I can only go on my experience here and my ex felt guilt big time..One minute going from good sex to nothing and just changed completely so I new he had done something..He wouldnt tell me but I overheard a phone call and threw him out as soon as I suspected as I new as soon as he was gone people would talk, Where I live is tiny so you cant get away with much..
He didnt want to go but I didnt want him to stay after that... forget it if he did it once he will be capable of doing it again and that crap you can do without...That was my third marraige so I was nope not going through this kind of thing ever again im worth more than this and so are you love. Take care with love mandy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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female
reader, sarah louise@ marie  +, writes (17 December 2007):
there is no exuse for cheating what so ever you finish the relationship first then see that someone else its cruel to the peson whos bieng cheated on confront him if its true then believe me leave him you will never be able to trust him again at least not in the same way but his actions could be inncent he may have just drifted apart from you you may just need to find eachother again try to talk to him if he doesnt listen or cant b bothered then you are wasting good lovw and affection who doesnt deserve it get away from him and in time find someone who will good luck sweetie i feel for u im sure u will b okxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): I would say that the distance thing is sort of 'the less said, the less likely I am to give myself away' So conversation is very general. I also believe that the lack of intimacy comes from the guilt, perhaps subconsiously they even feel bad for the 'mistress' as they are probably telling them that they no longer sleep with their wives.
Men are strange creatures - Surely the classic distance and no sex is a major give away by now? I would certainly suspect an affair if my partner showed these signs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): I'm speaking from my own experience here.
After about 5 years of marriage my wife became a drudge. She let herself go. She put on about 150lbs in weight. She became argumentative and both me and the kids used to dread her coming down the garden path because we knew there would always be something that she'd complain about when she got through the door. It was not a happy house. Nevertheless, I'm human and she was the best I'd got at the time so sex was more of a mechanical release of tension rather than anything of a loving nature.
Then along came the other woman. She was married with kids too, but she was slim, looked after herself, took pride in her appearance and was a whole lot more desirable than my wife, not to mention a hell of a lot more athletic between the sheets. With her, not only did I get the mechanical release of sexual tension but it was considerably more exciting and pleasurable. Having experienced her favours there was no need to have sex with my wife, it was a lot better across the road and I therefore had no use for my wife in the bedroom.
I didn't really care if we got caught out - in the end we did - but it was a relief to eventually get a divorce and start to enjoy life again.
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