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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, i want to know why is it that married men go looking for some spice in their lives when they have a beautiful wife at home and im sure together with some effort from both sides, they can enjoy their sex lives as much as abt having an affair with some hot chick or guy???
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2006): People cheat for many reasons. Some never do. When I think of 'cheating and causing pain on others. First of all, no one can 'make' a person cheat. I think of one important word and that is--choice. It is human to be tempted, but it is a choice to act or not act on those temptations. Cheating on a loved one is probably the most devastatingly painful-the most selfish act, anyone can do to another. All because they feel needy, under valued, sad in their current relationship. Some people talk this out and resolve issues. Some don't. Some people are insecure and need to be reassured of their desirability through cheating. Yet others might do it, to "get back at" their partner for cheating on them. But "to cheat or not to cheat" all comes down to resisting temptations. Part of being in a successful relationship is making sacrifices and thinking of your partner's needs--not just your own. Clearly when someone cheats, they are not thinking about their partner at that moment. I strike it up to the 'core' of the person themselves..their personality and who they are. The only one to blame when a cheater cheats, is the cheater themselves. As for someone who has a beautiful wife at home but still wants to cheat..spice things up for themselves..I would say to them--that every relationship has glitches and problems. The big question is, do they have the empathy, unselfishness, maturity and committment to hang in there and work it out?
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (20 March 2006):
 People cheat because they get bored at home. They also cheat because they need attention they are not gettting from their partner. It's not just men either, while I do think men are more able to have "just" sex and not judge themselves to harshly.
Life gets busy and people groe apart. I know my views are a little dated but I stand by them. Nature has a lot to do with it. Men search for women. Men approach women. If the woman is interested, she uses her tools to keep the guy around. They get married, things change and problems start. I do believe that it's usually the woman who's sexual desire drops. Afterall, it's mostly men who use porn, prostitutes etc. It's just a fact. So, after many years of marriage, the man still feels the same about sex. He still desires it just like in the beginning. When he is always turned down, he gets frustrated. He has no power to change the situation really. The more he attempts to do the right things to please his wife, the more frustrated he gets. Eventually some don't see an alternative, so they cheat. Really, what options does a guy have? If he remains faithful, he is unfulfilled sexually. The woman pulls all the stings and eventually the guy resents it.
AS I've said before, the strange thing is, when the couple eventually splits up, the wife will find herself doing all the things for the new boyfriend that her ex husband was asking her for. And, by the way, she'll be excited about it too.
Most importantly, maintain your sex life with your man and he'll probably never cheat.
Cheating is WRONG. There are no excuses for it. You asked for the reason though and that's it. Women, cheat because they lack attention for their husband. Eventually someone else comes along and says all the things they want to hear. They end up cheating. IT's a vicious circle. Relationships take work.
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A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (20 March 2006):
 People stray for a variety of reasons and none of them acceptable but it is usually when there are some problems in the relationship and they just dont want to put in the time and effort when something goes wrong to put it right.
It is percieved to be more fun to find someone to have a fling with,
This is one of the excuses a friend told me her husband had told her when she caught him having an affair and asked him his reasoning behind it, " it was just a fling and i thought that it would help our relationship and that no one would find out or get hurt because im not in love with the one im having the fling with, I am still in love with you and it was just sex and we dont have as much sex as I need, you are always tired with the baby."
He swore he had done it to "save" the marriage, well he did`nt and they divorced 6 months later.
I wish people did not have affairs but they do and there is no one reason for it, most who get caught regret it as they realise what they have lost and the pain they have caused but by then the damage is done and the partnership is over for good leaving a marriage in tatters and oftern children without both parents at home, and dad in a bedsit taking them to McDonalds every Saturday, and all this for sex with a woman they did not even love!!
Ask most people who have had affairs that have been caught out and there lives and the lives of there family been ruined forever by the fling, and they nearly all say in hind sight that it was not worth it and that they learnt there lesson the hard way.
But hindsight is a wonderful thing that we just do`nt have and the grass will always appear greener on the other side of the road.
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