A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and i have been together for over a year. he has set me straight on wanting to take it slow. no ring in the near future. he enjoys his alcohol and that won't change. i go to church and he only goes on the holidays. he has been unemployed for a while now. i have stuck by him on his pursuit to find one. i feel i have accepted our relationship. i completely adore him. his personality is great. he is loving and attentive. still why when we are not together my mind starts to wonder about things so much and i wish for more? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (7 May 2009):
 Hi there, Your question has the answer within it, you wish for more because you are not stisfied with the state of the relationship and precisely him. You have an empty feeling in some ways. In other words you are settling for less than you deserve. There is a suggestion I have made to someone else, which is take a piece of paper, draw a line down the page in the middle. On one side, write the positives about your relationship, on the other write the negatives. Assign a score from one to 10 to each positive and negative, add them up, see which is the larger score, this should give you an idea as to where the relationship stands. Make a decision after careful thought to not be content with less than you should have, you deserve someone who has some ambition, and most of all who respects his body, so as not to abuse it with alcohol, it usually only gets worse if the person does not realize they have a problem, and they have to want to change. Good luck to you, stay in touch.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): Well, assuming you posted the correct age group, I'd say you're wishing for more because you're at that age where you want marriage and children. This is completely normal! As for your boyfriend, I'd be careful about him because, A) He drinks a lot and seems to enjoy it; B) You will not be getting married to this man anytime soon; and C) He's been unemployed for a while now. I'm in the US myself and the economy isn't the greatest at the moment and that's completely understandable that he's having a hard time finding a new job; I'm actually in the same boat as him when it comes to that. As for the alcohol, if you've asked him to stop drinking as much as he does and he still hasn't budged, that's a red-flag right there. Taking things slowly: Is he wishing to stay technically a bachelor? or he wants to make sure you are, in fact, the one for him and he doesn't want to screw things up? Perhaps he's had some pretty bad relationships when he was younger? Just talk to him. Communication is key in everything! Good luck! =]
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): I think no woman in their right mind would want to be with an alcoholic, let alone alcoholic and unemployed. it's fine if you stand by him, but if he isn't going out of his way to put the alcohol aside and find ANY job, then you have a decision to make.
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