A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is a stupid question but in January I found out I was pregnant, I told the bf at the time he finished with me and tried to make me have an abortion but at the end of February I had a miscarriage. I was 17 but turned 18 at the start of April.But because I don't know why but I started to love the baby and think about what life was going to be like and got alot of help and support from College even though none of my family approved or wanted me to keep it.Now I really still want a baby, I thought it would of gone away because when I found out I was pregnant I was so shocked and scared but even after socialising alot more and generally bein happy (I was really unhappy with my bf, who I was with for 3 years from him phsyically and mentally hurting me) with myself I still really want that baby or to get pregnant again.I don't know how to stop myself wanting to get pregnant again, and I stil get upset about the miscarriage even though I know it was better for a baby not to have a dad like my x bf. I'm with someone new now who I've been with a few months but I feel so guilty for wanting to get pregnant again.When I was younger I was convinced I couldn't have children for some strange reason so when I found out I was pregnant I was shocked aswel but now I feel like everytime I get pregnant the same thing might happen again. Thanks for reading. I jus don't know what to do because I can't tell my mum. She'll jus shout because of all the upset me being pregnant caused in the first place.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): I have empathy with you and can understand your feeling; a lot of it is due to maternal instinct; try not to concentrate or think about it to much; I know it will be difficult but you need to move on; you need to find closure on the miscarriage; you might have to see a counselor to help you work through it;
BUT because you had one miscarriage does not mean it will happen again;
Try to concentrate on your studies and give your body and mind time to heal; it is always very traumatic to overcome a miscarriage but you will; just try and get some profesional help if you can; that will also make it easier for you to deal with your feelings of wanting to fall pregnant now again;
Do not worry, it is a perfectly normal to have thaose feelings BUT not what I will advise for you at this stage;
PLEASE think of your future and try and stay level headed.
Best wishes, take good care of yourself and lots of SMILES
A
female
reader, x..BabyGirl..x +, writes (9 August 2008):
 Your mum probably wasn't angry that you were pregnant, she was probably angry that you got pregnant so early on in your life and with the man that hurt you. She was just trying to protect her daughter, she didn't want her grandchild being brought up with an abusive father.
Talk to her and explain how you feel. You probably just want to get pregnant because of the love you felt for that baby and feel like you want to replace it, but when you get pregnant it will be a completely different child and the hole the miscarriage left in your heart wont be filled, it will still be there, but you'll have something to take your mind off it.
Also talk to your boyfriend. If you've only been with him for a few months, it may be best to leave it for a little while more. Ask him how he'd feel about being a dad and explain what you're feeling. I don't think you've been with him long enough to be carrying his baby.
I don't think you should TRY to get pregnant, I think you should just carry on as normal and wait and see what happends. You really should tell your mum though, she'll feel upset that you couldn't tell her. You should be able to tell her anything.
Hope all goes well =] good luck x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): Sound to me like the pregnancy gave you something positive to work towards and love after a very negative and unloving few years with your ex bf.
You need to take all the good feelings you have about a baby and all the love that comes with it and use it to help you find a solid relationship that you want to bring a child into.
A baby is a lot of work both pysically and emotionally. Being in a loving relationship as 'mummy and daddy' makes it a whole lot easier.
Be confident and be your self. There's a 'daddy' out there for you and he'll turn up at the right time, just be patient.
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