A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all! I hope you are all keeping safe and staying healthy. Anyways...Just thinking about in my life. I've been through so much in life. Not just in crushes, but life in general. Just thinking about my high school crush over 10 years ago. She gave me this inspiration to do better in life. Sadly, I had a learning disability in the past but I overcame it and feel about it now. But back to the point. Is it normal to still think about your high school crush even though it was over 10 years ago? To be honest, do I miss her? Yes I do as a awesome friend. I can talk about anything with her back in high school. I don't have any feelings for her whatsoever because I truly moved on. It took me years to moved on for good. Did some "research" and found out she is married. To be honest, I'm truly happy for her. No sadness whatsoever. I was so happy when I found out she was married. Just wondering till this day. Why do I think about her sometimes even though it was over 10 years ago. Forgot to mention, she sadly didn't feel the same way. It was one of my first real high school crush I had feelings for. Is it unhealthy that I still remember the day she didn't feel the same way, how it went, the date which was over 10 years ago, the weather that date, the time, location and everything? She gave me so much confidence to do so much better. But one thing I'll admit I still kinda hold on. There's no closure. There's no reason why she didn't tell me she didn't feel the same way. I can respect that she didn't feel the same way but didn't tell me why. And till this day, it doesn't hurt me but the case is not closed. Is there something wrong with me? In general, how I caught feelings from her is from her personality and interests. She gave me the confidence to do better in life and that's what I did. I was doing bad in a low learning program for people who having learning disabilities. I wanted to prove her something I wasn't that I can improve and that's how I feel for her. It was both 50/50 that I did to win her heart and to do it for my self confidence/esteem and to do well with my education. All in all, in the bottom of my heart. I wish there was closure to find out the reason, but at the same time. I know it's not worth it but I will feel better if there was closure so it will be a done deal. I'm doing so well in life that I wanted to tell her to say thank you so much for everything that I made it this far in life positively. Not with the feelings part. But to say that I did something that I thought didn't thought I could do. All in general, what am I feeling right now? It's hard for me to vent out to other people about this because people won't understand what I'm going through. Lastly, I'm a fine human being with an awesome job, I love what I'm doing and I'm currently seeing someone. Am I feeling this way because I need closure. Not want, "need" closure. I feel like that having feelings screwed up our friendship and I regret that. But at the same time, I don't have regrets that I had feelings for her and told her I had a huge crush on her.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2020): It's totally normal to have an everlasting crush on someone who has inspired you, believed in you; and can be credited for making a big difference in your life. It's only unhealthy when it becomes an obsession. Like when you stalk, attempt unauthorized-visits, or try to make contact that might prove unsettling to the receiver.
Your "out of the blue" contact regarding a high-school crush might prove disruptive, if you're expecting some kind of explanation as to why she didn't feel romantic-feelings for you?
There may have been many known or unknown female-admirers in your life you aren't attracted to; but you can't explain "why;" that offering an explanation would make any difference. If you don't share any romantic-feelings, that's that! That in itself is all the closure you need, or will ever get! Move on!
She's a married-woman now; so your feelings dating back 10 years ago are neither here nor there. It's nice that you appreciated her as a friend, and how she influenced and motivated you to aspire to better yourself. You are owed no closure, when she had no reciprocal-feelings for you back then; and she's not the same person now, as she was 10 years ago. Neither are you. If her rejection has left a scar on your heart, it is time to outgrow and overcome the past. Learning disability or not; your post was written by someone fairly intelligent and mature enough to know "up" from "down." If you have a stubborn-heart, or a bruised-ego; don't allow any obsession over the past to become a problem for either her, or yourself! You'll simply have to let it go.
You don't always get what you want, no matter how entitled to it you might feel.
You have to come to terms with the past and the present. I don't recommend that you contact her; unless you drop her short and friendly greeting through Facebook, but don't attempt to set-up a meeting, or reference your feelings for her. I will not encourage you to disrupt or interrupt someone's life for the purpose you're explaining in your post. It's not just reaching out to an old friend, it's about unrequited-feelings; but you're doing your best trying to claim that's not what it is. Then what do you "need" closure for?
All in all, it might be even better to simply let your memories remain good-memories; and just move on.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 December 2020):
 I have to agree, I don't think it's totally normal to hold on to that crush 10 years alter.
And needing "closure"?
No, you don't. You don't NEED to know WHY she didn't PICK you when you had picked her. All you know is what you knew back then, SHE didn't feel the same way. She didn't SEE you as a romantic option though she enjoyed your as a person and friend.
GIVE yourself the closure you crave. BY ACCEPTING that she JUST didn't feel that way about you. Doesn't mean there was anything WRONG with you, you just weren't HER type.
It not like you can turn back time and "change" whatever it was she wasn't "attracted" to. Maybe she loves blue eyes blond guys and you have brown eyes and brown hair.. Or she likes tall guys and you are short.
What she did offer was support and friendship, something that has been more valuable than a short lived teen romance.! Because it made you improve yourself and strive for more.
The moment you felt MORE than friendship was the time the friendship ended. That is just how it goes. I think you might have mistaken her friendliness for romantic interest. Which HAPPENS when you are an inexperienced teen!
She was an important person in your life. IN high school. That was 10 years ago. Time to stop living in the past and fully commit to the life you are building now. To the women you are NOW seeing.
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A
male
reader, RevMick  +, writes (7 December 2020):
 When we look back it's almost through blinkered goggles, everything looks perfect and rosey. It's perfectly normal to look back and wonder what if, but not at the expense of the here and now.
I don't understand what type of closure you can get now 10 years later? Do you want to know if you had dated would it have worked out, what she felt about you? All valid questions but you will probably hurt to find out she possibly hasn't given you a spare thought.
Sometimes we obsess over things we really shouldn't, if she didn't feel the same way and it was unrequited - it is only going to make you hurt all over again.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (7 December 2020):
 Is it normal to be still be thinking about a high school crush a decade on?. I would say this is not normal.
Yes we all have fond memories of school/college and people that we dated, or people that we crushed on but feelings were not reciprocated. But these memories are exactly that, memories.
She has moved on, got married and is settled in life, and so should you.
Yes she made you feel good about yourself, the feeling energies were high, but you need to let go and move on. Take the amazing feeling you felt back then and use this in your current relationship.
You ask why you still think about her 10 years later?. She will always be a part of your memories, there is no getting away from that. But you need to let it go, accept that she was a part of your past, now its a decade later, now time to move on with this and start living in the present.
You say you need closure. Why do you need closure, the pair of you were never an item, she is married, probably got children, this should be enough closure for you.
It would be a huge mistake getting in touch with her, you need to leave this and put your energies into the present day.
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