A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Long story, so please bear with me!I met this girl, she's 26, I'm 31, and I was head over heels for her. I knew she was gay, but she was still deep in the closet when we met. We started going out but she treated me like sh*t. She would always keep me waiting, not answer my phone calls, hide me from her friends. We then clarified that we were girlfriends and exclusive, and still she cheated on me. She would hold hands and kiss guys and girls in front of me all the time. And she gave me an std.She would say the meanest things -like that she was in love with another girl but that since that girl was straight she had to make do with me.Six months of this hell passed and then she came around. She said she was sorry for everything and she started behaving more or less like a normal girlfriend. She introduced me to her family and everything. But I never fully trusted her, and became very jealous and possesive.A year and a half later I'm still with her in what I can only classify as a toxic relationship, because I never forgave her for what she did to me. I'm still jealous and cannot trust her, and now I feel like I don't love her anymore. I don't want her to be happy, I don't care about her problems, she irritates me immensely, I think she's stupid and unsophisticated. But every time she threatens to leave me (and she does this quite often) I panic. Why can't I leave her if I don't love her anymore? Why do I still get jealous if I don't love her anymore?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2013): I felt for you as I read your story...Only you can make the decision, but it seems clear that you need to cut ties with this girl. She has only hurt you, mentally, physically and in every way that counts. There is no redeeming qualities or signs or reasons to resuscitate this relationship. You deserve better!She grew in the time you met her in that she came out of the closet. However, then she abused your kindness, ignored you at times, made fun of you, was mean, and the cherry on top, gave you an STD! While she grew to an extent, the opposite is true for you. She broke your heart, your trust, your respect, your self esteem and your confidence. She has left you insecure and jealous because there is nothing left to give.You yourself classify it as a toxic relationship, so now you need to be strong and look after yourself by extracting yourself from this toxic girl. Find a way to forgive her for everything she did to you, release her, in order to find peace for yourself, otherwise the resentment and hurt will only injure you further and keep you in the toxic situation.She has not behaved in any way that allows you to trust her, and your saying you don't love her anymore is because she killed all your feelings, by stamping on them and your heart.It sounds like you are very hurt and angry, which you're justified to feel, which is why you say you don't care and don't want her to be happy. You're hurt so it's natural to feel that way.In time as you forgive her and rebuild your life without her, you will see things in perspective and remember the good, and the bad will hurt less and less.On top of everything, SHE threatens to leave YOU? haha It should be the other way around, and it's actually sad that she has this effect on you, that you panic if she did leave. Think about worse case scenario: if she did leave, why do you panic? What is the worst that can happen? Go there, to that place, and deal with it. Only by facing it, dealing with it, can you find the strength to move out of this rut, out of this toxic situation! You will be alone, that is OK. It will only be temporarily, and there will be family, or friends, or colleagues or strangers who will treat you better! You WILL BE OK. Everyone that has ever broken up with someone who is not good for them, will always in HINDSIGHT be relieved, glad, and consider themselves blessed for having "escaped" that situation. You can't or may not see it now, but in time you will. Some day, in some years to come, you will look back and wonder what you saw in her, why you stayed, and will be so glad you left.You can't leave because you have become dependent on her. If it's financial, work your way towards getting out of the situation. If it's emotional, go for counselling to get your identity back, your goals and dreams back. You back! Stronger than ever! You still get jealous because you're still in the toxic relationship. When you cut ties, go NO CONTACT, you will no longer feel this jealousy and insecurity. You will feel FREE and at PEACE.Good Luck, I wish you so much better than this! You deserve it.G's Girl
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2013): Wow. I could understand why you've held onto her, up til she transmitted an sti. You are now codependent on her, unfortunately. And it is very unhealthy for u. She is exploiting you with your permission. You are not happy you are not in love.....do the right thing for your well being, we here can't make that choice for u.Cut communication, if its too painful to tell her you're leaving n she plays guilt trip. Then do what us women do....change your number. Move away from her if u must but cut that contact. She means only herself good. Think about it, do u think she would care.....your primary priority on this planet if u have no kids is self.Don't just hand over your life and happiness to someone, even if u love them. Never forsake logic and reasoning. I've been where u are n it took strength to get out bc I too was codependent n wanted to keep the relationship together even as it was only me who was sacrificing. Reread your post in third person. What would you do n say to that person?
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