A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, to be able to answer this question, you need to know the situation (obviously).There is a girl I love, and had a long distance relationship with her.I, my self, live in Canada, am 17, and I'm quite mature.She, lives in America, Wisconsin, is 16, and is a bit childish (Which isn't a problem, because I kinda like that about her).We met in an MMORPG (Yeah, kinda stupid), and she was the one who initiated a conversation with me.So, we continued from there, becoming friends, sharing pictures, and talking. And, then I told her how I felt about her.We shared what our dreams were, and what we wanted out of life. We share similar interests, and I believe that we grew closer each time we talked.She originally lived in Michigan, but moved to Wisconsin after her father got a job offer (or opening, I can't really remember), and she moved there.Now, her life, is actually nicer than mine. I live with my father, who is 60, and is someone verbally abusive, which is what he's always been. I've lived with it, and somethings besides that.And, to make things better, she said it would be wonderful if I moved down there (we were obviously in love at this time, and established a relationship).Now, I live in Alberta, and Wisconsin is quite a move. Being 17, I still don't know what I want to do with my life, but my father is kicking me out when I'm 18, so it would be nice if I could move there (by the way, I'm a dual citizen. I was actually born in Montana).Well, the relationship was going great. And, in fact, her best friend, who also played the same game we did, was having a relationship with someone as well. However, I knew, personally, that this man was lying. How, you ask? Well, he said he was in America, and he came from England. Well, I asked for his I.P. address, and it showed he was from England. I told both of them, but they ignored me, and later on, her best friend was having doubts about him, and they both saw that they should have listened to me.Well, her best friend confronted the guy, and it turns out that he moved back to England, and was already dating someone the same day (Yeah. I didn't know what to think).So, the girl I love, decided to tell me about some of the doubts she was having. Which I was totally blindsided by. It hurt me, what she told me, about how she felt her doubts about the distance. Which was fine. I was planning on moving there, and I told her I was too (and I know you think that it's better if I just stay where I am, but things between me and my father are worse, and I know for a fact that even though it would be hard, I can live on my own).So, to make things worse, I have Chronic Depression, which didn't help much. When my mother passed away, 5 months after, I tried to commit suicide. And now, things are affecting me physically, as well as emotionally. I have aches, pains, and sometimes I can't eat, or I get extremely hungry.Now, when she first "broke up" with me, she (according to her new friends in Wisconsin, who took her in as her first group of friends) was having a great time with a bunch of freshmen (most of them guys). I didn't really have a problem with it. But it made me very upset. I was so upset at it, because the things she was doing were things that were ok, but they weren't things I normally did (go out for ice cream with friends, or hang out all day). She still talked to me, and she wasn't aware of how hurt I was. I sought out her friends as my help, and they consoled me, and tried to make me forget about her. But, I can't do it. And I still can't.She eventually found out about my pain, and some of the bad thoughts or things I had been thinking or doing. And, she started to care, but, I thought it wasn't enough. And, she then said that she left the relationship because she "wanted to date someone who was there". I asked what was wrong with me, and she said the distance, again. I asked if she could wait, and she said that she couldn't.Fast forward to now.She seems to have changed, and is a lot more caring. I did do several things for her so we could talk (missing important events, appointments, and not going out for my own pleasure). Yet, she came home late, and said that she was trying to get home early.Her friends (the first group) are also angry to a degree about what she's been doing. She left them (seniors) for the freshmen, and they felt that she doesn't deserve me.Yet, after all the things I've gone through, I still love her. I know I do.I think she saw this, and now she's willing to wait.My question is...A. How do I make the pain go away?Even after all of this, my pain is still here. My blood pressure has gone up and it's staying up. My doctor said the cause was extreme stress, and I'm not able to eat much now (I seem to throw up a lot) and I'm not sick.B. Do I continue this relationship? Because I do want to.C. Why do I find it hard to trust her now?D. If the relationship isn't meant for me, why has my stance not changed?Thank you, again.
View related questions:
best friend, long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (15 August 2008):
 A: Is a medical matter really and you need to be consulting your doctor about it, counselling may also be appropiate to help you deal with your past experiences including those in this relationship.
B: Up to you really. You say shes changed and i am a forgive and forget kind of person especially as shes so young that change can be lasting.
C: Because of how shes behaved in the past. It will take time and alot of better behaviour for her to erase that from your memory.
D: Because the people closest to something including emotions are the last people to see things clearly most of the time. Having said that i'm inclined more to giving it a shot with this one and I think you are too. No doubt partially because of how shes changed.
Good luck :)
|
