A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was in a relationship when I was young and ended up having a child with the guy when I was 17. We broke up shortly after that due to him cheating and treating me badly. It has been over 9 years since we were together and over the last 9 years I have never stopped loving him and having the feeling I am in love with him. He has never treated me kindly over the last 9 years. I see him several times a week due to our child and still every time I see him I feel as if my heart will explode. Why do I still feel so much love for someone who has never loved me back and openly has told me he has never like me in that way. What can I do to move on?
View related questions:
broke up, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2012): "Why do I still feel so much love for someone who has never loved me back and openly has told me he has never like me in that way."Given lack of background info, I can only assume you're still harbouring the same fantasy that probably led you to get pregnant at 16 or 17: You dream that you and child and sperm depositor can become an imaginary happy family just like the one you always wanted but never had. "What can I do to move on?"I politely and respectfully but firmly suggest that you seek counselling. I suspect you may have long-term, deep-seated issues dating from childhood that you are desperately trying to fill any way you possibly can, which in your case apparently means clinging to the illusion of a fairy-tale romance that never was and the hope of a happily-ever-after that will never be.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (26 December 2012):
I don't know what you can do to move on, but you're not in love with this guy, I can tell you that for sure. Most people HATE being rejected. We hate people making us feel like there is something wrong with us. It's natural so you're not alone there.Some people, like you, just can't let that go. Let me tell you about a friend.In his younger days he dated a girl for awhile and she was nice, but nothing special. However once she broke up with him he convinced himself that he was absolutely in love with her and he'd never get over her. This is a guy who had never had problems getting women and who had better girlfriends in the past who treated him a lot better. Eventually he got over her and continued dating, never really getting too attached to anyone until one girl broke his heart. Again he convinced himself that it was the end of the world. He waited for her and eventually they got back together, got married and started a family. Same thing, she's not really that great of a wife/girlfriend, but it didn't matter because once he got her back he'd never let her go again. For him this pretty obviously stems from the fact that he has abandonment issues as his mom had no part in his life and his dad didn't either for his younger years.All that being said, you need to understand that with the exception of the fact that you have a kid with this guy he really doesn't mean anything to you. If you got back with him you'd probably find that out pretty quickly. Coming to that realization will help you get over him.If you can afford it you may consider some counseling as well. This will affect your other relationships until you can get over him. If you happen to meet a great guy but you can't give him your whole heart you're doing yourself and your child a disservice. Good luck!
...............................
|
